Hey Mike I up the bandwith limit lets see if its enough
Hey Mike I up the bandwith limit lets see if its enough
Seems we were having some technical issues. We are now back online.
The coffee shop opened at 5 am.
She had done an all – nighter preparing for another useless business task at a price that fills the pockets of her masters.
Someone else came up out of the earth at that moment. Heavy density, the origin like gravity, like the 4th force of the universe. He, She, it, animate, inanimate, phantom like yet harder and denser than the most dense matter from the stars. This life form he was dealing with had reached a its dead end. Of course, this often happens with many species. They reach a point where they cannot adapt and survive Will these humans evolve into another humanoid like form? Will they be able to adapt to the conditions they have created in their foolish lack of forsight?
Not to worry, it would feel nice to do some whimsical things.
It reached into itself and pulled out several scenarios.
In this moment, a handsome young man made his way to the coffee bar. Behind him came our female friend lost in her anxiety over finishing her work project. She could smell him, sending a warm wave from her third eye to her groin. She saw herself with this man, whereupon he turned around. He very gently placed a hand in the small of her back. He looked into her eyes, and she pressed her mouth on his, touching the tip of his tongue with hers.
This was like a dream come true. How could this happen this way? How could this happen so quickly?
He ordered his coffee with his arm around her waist, she nuzzling her nose and lips into his neck. She felt very secure and confident for what she had to do in an hour and a half and he ordered exactly what she wanted without having to ask. They got their coffee and retired to a table outside obscured from the view of others. They took a few sips of their coffee, staring each into each other’s eyes, hands touching. She had on a skirt to her knees, no panties; a plaid with blues, greens and black with a black skin tight top, no bra. Her voice made his cock rock hard. She sensed it and opened his pants, freeing it in into the morning air. Her right hand found the tip giving the motion, which is perfect for him while his tongue probed her mouth, leaving the coffees on the table. Soon she was in his lap, burying his cock in her wet quim, and squeezing it with the muscles made fit from those hundreds of thousands of Kegels she did for years. They kissed wildly. Her vagina massaged that rock hard pulsing penis and felt the cum rising out of his balls several times, which she halted mid shaft, giving him the shivers of body orgasms she was experiencing. For some reason, this drew people walking by.
People pulled in, parked, getting out of their cars, getting some coffee of their own, some of them engaging in their own orgies and couplings. Meanwhile, on the street, two cars smashed head on with a fire truck close behind them, full of firefighters also after their coffee. They parked mid street, walked in and ordered before they extracted the injured and dead from the wreck.
Our friend from up out of the earth was laughing now. Here once again, some sex and death with a decrepit species. It wasn’t the great energy fucks he was used to in his interdimensional travels. Not so unlike other lower life forms he encountered, conjugating and fucking and exchanging genetic information. This is a species fast becoming infertile. Not only in body, also in thinking and neuro evolution. It felt pleasant to watch death filling the street with blood and shit from spilled guts, and to feel the fucking and the bodily fluid exchange from those who were oblivious to the carnage which had occurred outside.
Now in another dream on another day, the new POTUS and his cronies had gathered together to cause the destruction of the administration they hated so much. In this moment, the generals and the elite strike force they created needed for such a coup and execution, rushed into the room, weapons raised, killing all. At that point, another weapon was introduced, which disintegrates organic matter, and all traces of them vanished. Not even dust remained.
Back at the coffee shop on that other day, people changed partners and continued to fuck and fuck and fuck. The firefighters watched and drank their coffee. The cops showed up, the forensics team showed up. A lady coroner arrived who should have been a pin up in some men’s magazine from the 1950s. She grabbed the battalion chief on the fire truck who was another pin up from the calendars some cougar women hang on their walls. They grabbed each other and lay in the blood and shit and piss in the street and created a fuck fest spectacle that even the worst scat porn people will shit their pants watching….
©Copyright 2017 Humunculero
Seemingly most of it entails situations which don’t have much importance to the individual lying.
So those of us who think we practice complete honesty and transparency may find ourselves from time to time lying or engaging in something not quite transparent.
The Matrix Experiment found most people will cheat to some extent
What did we find?
One study has shown up to 60% of people lie
“The study, published in the journal’s June issue, found that 60 percent of people lied at least once during a 10-minute conversation and told an average of two to three lies.”
Men and women lie for distinct reasons:
““Women were more likely to lie to make the person they were talking to feel good, while men lied most often to make themselves look better,” Feldman said.”
” “It’s tied in with self-esteem,” says University of Massachusetts psychologist Robert Feldman. “We find that as soon as people feel that their self-esteem is threatened, they immediately begin to lie at higher levels.”
So possibly it boils down to self-esteem. If our self-esteem gets mostly genuine and we practice impeccability with our words, thoughts and actions we might lie a little bit less. In doing this it gets very helpful to realize while we aim for 100% honesty, the first step of this may come in remaining honest with ourselves and when we discern we have lied to ourselves, stop it at the level of belief and thought so the poison doesn’t flow well from our mouths. This means non-judgement, positive or negative. It also means we will do our best to practice feeling loving toward ourselves individually.
In my own life, this provided an opportunity to use honesty to improve my life. In work, it meant telling the truth about products and services so customers could make their decision based on facts with little embellishment. It also meant telling my friends and family the truth more consistently. Mostly I found I had to say less. I didn’t have to support anyone with false embellishments or unnecessary compliments as making someone feel better about themselves with a lie will sooner or later get discovered and my credibility with them would suffer and the relationship would weaken seriously.
I have looked at my beliefs about myself. The teachings from parents as a child served as helpful contradictions. My mother gave me statements about me being a special person with extraordinary talent and ability and my father told me I would never amount to anything unless I learned to work hard for everything and this would start with deprecating statements about my behavior. I had a lot of shame to overcome and it’s not all gone. This affords me the opportunity to work with it consistently.
A new belief which helped me had to do with first accepting I had ultimate worth on the eternal scale of value, this served me until the realization came regarding the nonexistence of self. No self, no self-esteem needed. This contradicted the pop psychology of its reverse theories. In this model, all seems connected to doing and actions which come from beliefs, thought, and feelings. Seemingly we a feedback cyclicity of thoughts producing feelings and behaviors feeding back on prevailing beliefs many of which wound up erroneous. In changing the beliefs and stopping the limiting thoughts from guiding actions I had to do less to keep myself honest. It also meant offering less up in unsolicited feedback, something which seemed to prevail in the “meetings” of the twelve-step cult I attended for a couple of decades. One of the best actions I took had to do with getting away from it and the toxicity in words spoken there, when really the only thing which worked well came from the love in unspoken support. Knowing I am loved and encouraged to love myself made me feel love for myself and others almost unconditionally.
Since moving on from there I have made beneficial and limiting decisions about my life and I dedicate myself, imperfectly, to improving beliefs, thinking, and behaviors and calling up humble, loving feelings for myself. Much of this has come in taking better care of my body and general health. Along the way I have been able to genuinely help some others, giving me more loving feelings in general.
In the ongoing set of conclusions, having a multifaceted set of perspectives helps me to less judgmental conclusions and statements. Looking at what I say based on observations before I say them – this takes a lot of mindfulness to do it effectively and I have sometimes gone to almost angry extremes to defend my stated perceptions about situations only to have to make amends for the behavior in stopping myself from doing it again and making things right in my best way possible.
Honesty it seems, ought to concern the truth and truth comes from knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt. Reporting what happened, how I thought and felt seems like about all I can do regarding this. Mostly, I strive to practice concise brevity as it gets too easy to slip into conjecture and verbose rhetoric. In the utmost sense it looks like the less I believe about anything, the better as it leaves me more open to varied interpretations and perceptions which may have more objectivity. If this seems self negating and contradictory, that will turn out a reader perspective. I tend to characterize it more as a paradox like many other things human.
There’s a lot of chatter about Islam and its evils. Yes, the various sects of this faith have some radical variants which want to impose their rigid way of life on everyone. When we compare this to radical evangelical Christians and their collateral murderous spin offs we don’t see a lot of differences. They have all killed about the same amount of people. I am wondering if the same can be said about Judaism on a proportionate basis. At any rate, they have incited, mostly involuntarily, evangelicals and inspired radical Islamists to aid or destroy them. Zionists have an equal part in the “monotheist” paradigm for their level of contribution.
At any rate, if these religions get widely accepted as mythology and their codes debunked along with the mythologies of other religions – Hinduism and Buddhism are not exempt – we may have a chance to free up humanity long enough to save life on the planet.
That the Abrahamic mythologies affect at least 3.5B people on the planet seems great cause for a rational activism in educating the masses. The religions are all myth. There was no Abraham, no Moses, no Solomon, no Jesus, no Mohammed going to heaven – none of this. Scholars have shown repeatedly that the old Testament is rife with myth until 600BCE and there’s no historic or archeological proof for any of the mythical figures or real historic figures and their mythos. Most of these religions got established through warfare and the subjugation of peoples and cultures – yes even Buddhism.
This getting stated, can we afford sacred cows in our societies and cultures? Should we allow ancient, outdated, repressive codes to determine our destiny? Oddly enough, the erroneous beliefs and thinking have shaped the destiny of our world through a dark and distorted lens which does not practice what it preaches about the sanctity of life and the exaltation of the worth of life on Earth. I have little wonder at the presence of the apocalyptic beliefs rife in most of the Abrahamic religions and their predecessors. It looks a like a neurotic, human lemming delusion. Our species – seeking unconsciously – to extinct itself as another failed species “experiment”. The natural phenomena of industrialization puking poison into the environment posits this distinct possibility all around us. If capitalism seems like an outgrowth of industrialized civilization, so far, the system has shown us a clear path to extinction. These economies rule the world and destroy it as we live and still breathe.
The fact we have thought of numerous solutions to our manifested destiny can give glimmers of a way out toward survival. Capitalism has it’s uses however, we don’t think runaway consumerism can do anything except destroy us as it seems to already have proved. Should our estimates turn out wrong, it won’t harm us and life on the planet to go to nonpolluting, renewable energies and the production of ecologically sound products and lifestyles. Maybe we can do as Buckminster Fuller postulated. Maybe Malthus had a point? Nonetheless, overpopulation and our current consumptive human world seem the likely root cause of it all. We really have not shown the significant improvements which will result in our survival and evolution to more adapted levels. Maybe our collective genomes have reached their endpoint?
On the doomsday timeclock, it we accept the model, we are beyond the 11th hour and must motivate ourselves to act NOW. We must clean up in many ways. We must base our economic systems so that small groups of people and families do not control the well-being of our species as they do not have this in mind for the most part and this system stays in epic fail mode. Greed and selfishness will spell our demise unless opportunity gets created for making the greatest profits ever without prophets.
We all know money must get out of politics. We know countries don’t run well like businesses and the goals of most corporations and large private businesses do not coincide with the needs of the people who largely support them. Religion needs to get placed in a recreational category and ought not get taken seriously except to provide a vehicle of transcendence. We must get united behind our survival and enhancement of life on this planet as we won’t find ourselves able to leave it in time to avoid our extinction. So, casting aside the divisiveness in “scripture” for the unifying principles which also seem inherent in our species might wind up the best solution. We can spend our time caring for our planet and hence one another. We can forge a new destiny other than our imminent demise. Those who prove the thinking and beliefs causing greed and its irresponsibility will have to get pushed out of the way so we can live on.
It will only work if we can change our pursuit of pleasure into the pleasurable pursuit of our deepest caring for each other.
Remember, you probably chose addiction, now you choose to overcome it and create new beneficial patterns away from it.. You don’t need the drugs and self destructive behaviors even though they may seem useful survival patterns. In doing this there comes FREEDOM from self destructive concepts. Addiction, while it may cause pathology is in itself, haa never been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt a bonafide disease in and of itself and steer clear of the erroneous, destructive concepts claiming it as such. They’re not good metaphors either. Self affirm in the mirror everyday.
Hungry like the spring awakened bear am I,
Fed long through the night on the fat of your landing,
Aimed at the self-hate and deprecation of the shame collected,
A target laid to rest in an old world holiday of dead matrons,
Leftover roadkill from the worst of the chivalrous age,
Believing men are worshippers of the narcissistic and immature of women bled,
Devotees of lost dreams and fantasies at once fulfilled and discarded,
Unable to castrate the King of Bears and Alpha Doggers
Try as she would whilst her flesh I pounded in not taking these tirades so personal,
She moved out my doors to psychics and impotent old men who’d lap up the droppings of her dysfunction in families of dissed order,
To her sister, blistered and left enslaved,
Lost in her own dysfunctional peasant dream,
Oh how this Bear left that to conjugate a mother bear and left to find Freya with a new Emerald necklace,
My blue cape furling around me and my biggish hat rakish over the eyeless socket seeing from the bottoms of the well of Wyrdnesses,
Yes I am a monster of love delivered as promised, functional and far away from this would be, half dead, aged princess,
Deluded by ghosts of regret and missing the dead without acceptance.
The lower half of life with little joy has gone from me in an instant,
Decided and chosen by love for myself,
Away from those cortisol stressors and depressors
And adrenal exhaustive poor health,
Watching the fooled young, making premature future, spawning the innocents into a dying world,
Yea, I have crossed the abyss and the bifrost bridges, shaking ice from my furs, keeping sharp of claw and tooth for new love,
Fierce and tender,
Baited and well breathed,
Mated sevenfold to the maidens of Diana…
AS ROME BURNS
You’ve got geodes on your nails,
You have abs like a pole vaulter,
You find yourself immersed in reality waste of time TV,
You’ve met men and don’t know it,
You want a leader and you won’t lead yourself,
Rome is burning and bags of saline on your chest and cock surgery do not help,
Rome is burning, the forests are dying,
fools believe these apocalyptic fairy tales,
They think they’ll be lifted into heaven
And don’t see their kingdom within the now,
And a disgrace to Orangs everywhere thinks he can lead a country,
Rome burns and he wants the next batch of profits,
Some people seem to appreciate and feel each other,
Some people seem to listen,
We don’t need more babies from you who don’t parent yourselves,
We won’t need any more self-indulgences,
Puking carbon into the sky,
Rome is burning and the oceans are dying,
Some of us do somethings which inspire others of us
To do the things which can save us all,
Yet too few really have a willingness to fight,
The corporations get richer and the poor get poorer,
People don’t go to the board rooms and slay these oppressors,
Rome is burning and the birds are dying,
Too many want to live by the ocean,
Too much trash floats out to sea,
There’s lead in the water,
And while people seem to get more intelligent,
They refuse to get up and refuse to do anything,
They don’t want to believe it and stand in the midst of a burning empire.
Rome is burning and there seems not enough remorse to salvage this world.
Full Definition of socialism
Many will have a Bowie “memory” or story.
Here’s one of mine-keep in mind all recollections are changed by the brain when recalled.
The time: probably the first Ziggy Stardust tour to the USA-maybe 1972?
The venue: The Celebrity Theater here in Phoenix.
I had heard the album once.
One of my roommates, Bill MacCormack, urged me to go. I had heard his songs on KDKB-then the great FM station of the day. In those days we didn’t have music video or the internet, just print media, TV, and radio.
I had no clue about his show.
It was probably one of the most radical anathemas-for me-I could have been exposed to at the time being nineteen years old and in my first year of college.
The performance utilized all the technology available at the venue possible most likely. The stage and seating is in the round and rotates to the audience. The illusion was given of a spaceship landing and the band walked out and began the performance of Ziggy Stardust. I was ripped on poor boy heroin-pot and alcohol(more pot than EtOh). At one point, near the middle of the show-I have forgotten the song-Ziggy bent down and simulated a blow job on the guitar player-Mick Ronson. It shocked the piss out of me. In fact, the whole androgynous appearance of Bowie kind of repulsed and attracted me at the same time as I had an inner struggle with my sexuality in those days. I felt a strong homophobia and disdain which I hid as I did not want to lose acceptance among my friends who were gay tolerant-at least with social superficiality.
To this day, the show remains to me, an icon of rock opera and Bowie a real innovator in rock music. Over the decades, I grew to love his music and social poignancy. He was a genius. I saw him a few more times over the years and thoroughly enjoyed his performance and music though never buying his records(yes, I was all vinyl which I now abhor).
I saw most of his films and liked them all. I thought him a good actor.
His latest album is typical of the artistry consistent in all his work, I am listening to it as a memorial to the gifts he gave us all.
These gifts live on despite the demise of his physicality.
Darkened matter pervading my perversions of the speculative
The purloinment of goodness futures,
Future goodness of loins satisfied ten thousand times,
Dreams of you and of me again and again,
All the uses of me for all the yous paraded in these dreams once nightmarish…
Then again I was the man who rode the mare into the night
Eight legs she has and myself, blue cloak flailing in winter windigs
Wendigo fleeing, Krampus dissolving, dire wolves at my side monstrous,
And yet to you I am the greater monster,
Death angel beyond Azazel and all that,
An interdimensional information stream of entropy,
Helping me die the ten thousand little deaths,
Living each moment to its utmost,
The power of creation,
Ideations of pleasure,
A snuggled up spoony ass late night,
The deep hot feeling of it all…
All of it
All of it
Like purple webs extoling the hedonism of it
It seemed so nice on this autumn day. Like most things seemingly tragic or catastrophic, a great entropic moment would happen as so many had before.
So sad it felt to see so many with great opportunity in front of them cast them aside for emotional whimsy. To fabricate and exaggerate statements into lies and hurtful hate like a poison to destroy friendships. Some friendships are stronger than deceitful and hurt based treachery. Too many felonious behaviors come from these distortions and deletions of speech. So much so they become value judgement generalizations which turn into the lies which attempt to destroy love.
The seeds for the compassion and kindness which nullifies the deep pain from which all these things ensue had been planted in the past by the thoughtful event planner. Deviating the course of events before their onset had great result in the lesser determined future.
Now, the bonds would change and there would occur nor persist fetters which hinder the growth of love and simple commitment. Poisonous repeats of poison words would come back to curse the distorter and deletist via lack of a solution. There would be no harm, no victim, only the responsible. Those who repeat statements of malignment from the point of view of the black mirror, ignoring the white mirror assessment would find themselves burned by their instigations and prevarications…
The defenses would not be needed, nor would the attacks succeed. The hypersensitivities would show themselves as insecurity and narcissism. All attempts to divide would dissipate into more loyalty.
When she walked up to him and said, “I am glad you’re here!” He knew.
When she danced in front of the stage where he played his ass off she knew he watched her.
When she kissed him and looked into his eyes the first time, He knew.
She got drunk and asked him to make drinks in a certain way and drank and poured them on herself, telling him she wanted to be owned by him-he knew then.
She said, “I am your lover, your partner, your friend, I want you to be all those things…I love you and I know you love me…” He knew.
When they fought and he held his mud when it was about his perseverance and his boundaries and she loved despite the obvious difference, he knew.
When she came to him after great difficulties, knowing he would be there and showing it-he knew.
Many things came to the surface in their interactions. It seemed like a struggle, and really it seemed more about gaining familiarity. She asked and wondered how he could know his feelings so soon it made her suspicious of him because other less mature males had professed undying love and gone down the crazy road with her, causing torment and hovering like flies over a carcass. So when he fought inside himself not to pass it up and take on others for the sake of sex, he knew. He knew because the domain he created needed her as the Empress and inspiration. She wanted to mellow herself and gain impetus to succeed and she slowed because it felt like too much too soon. After twenty years and eighteen years with the August women, starting similarly and lasting long, he knew this one had a greater fit and more intensity and certainly great heaping portions of magical sensitivity and creative verve. She took nonsense and made magical sense of it with result and forward occurrences. She had to think because he would fight off and figuratively slay her suitors like Ulysses returned home and stringing the bow. Oh they were many, like the many women who came to him and sought his company and love. So large were their hearts and full of those they loved yet expansive for this love they would experience with one another.
So with both of them their health and well-being like most with great magical export, experienced their personal trials. He exorcised her more than once, eating her demons like grilled meat and she in the offering fucked him to greater power and illuminations. He found and expanded his love through sex and orgasm-hers and his, sometimes mutual. He opened the doors of secret darkness in the female aspect, rarely experienced by a man or a woman.
In this darkness he found her accumulated synthesis of thought forms, some with great malevolence; others with power grids of energy upcharge. Her monsters came to kill him and became food of the sort that magicians take in an evocation course.
His enchantments came to the helping of others and the extirpation of parasites.
Each time she would leave from frustrations with him, she would return to profess her love…
to be continued…
When I bite this piece of reality like the meat in a sandwich,
It’s juicy and flavorful like a bit of truth,
No drugs can cure this stark picture,
It doesn’t need judgment,
It’s just pathetic
It’s all exploitation the getting even
For the getting even,
In this the hook has been driven
Like mutual self-assured destruction.
So this love, tough for a legacy,
Won’t be hidden by anger or woe,
It won’t be hidden at broken promises,
Too many lies,
Too many exposed fears,
Too many bad habits born out of beatings,
So you can make them serious,
And they don’t believe nor care if it’s true,
It’s the same old pattern,
Same old beat down,
Crusty don’t give a fuck nod.
Meanwhile there’s a real sunrise in the desert,
A place with no remembered legends,
A silhouette to be reckoned,
The curse is in,
And the fools think themselves immune
While the decay cannot be reversed,
And the wound slowly grows
While the former hero finds
Other pleasures and delights,
And she pines away, far away…
And she wastes her time again on a fool.
And she misses me.
I watched this waste of times times ten,
As I had wasted mine times fifty.
A Dragon of heart evoked
Flies on hot wind incinerating the wretched
Who wished themselves destroyed,
Destroyed while the solar heart rises
Cool in aspect,
Glowing gold in early morning sadness
Imperturbable by purpose
Won over by virtue of confidence
And the most final smile.
Deep sleep so soft and dark, dark without remembered dreams. I woke up drooling remembering another bloodlust, a hunt for a crazed fucker, a beater of women. Women he couldn’t subjugate or dominate by virtue of presence and appreciation.
They remain a pleasure to send to dark demise, not without grievous torture.
This is a torture without hands on, a series of awful occurrence. I sent the entity of my own making into his deep mind to find his greatest pains and fears. The entity absorbed them and grew. It injected them into his emotional source and its deepest triggers. I had no desire to know what they were only to have my creature find them, trigger them and make them cause him great anxiety and pain. He spent sleepless nights and dragging days of little accomplishment filled with remorse and insecurity. He made mistakes at every turn. He sabotaged every relationship and person dear to him. He fumbled in his career and alienated his colleagues and customers. He wrecked his car and his truck. He appeared like a child to his lover. She left him in disgust. She craved his punishments and now he could no longer give them. She insulted him unabated. She lied to him and he did not try to catch her in them. She hit him without his counterpunches and beatings. He cried like a child and whined to her and pissed his pants. She could take it no more.
He got more and more pathetic. He hurt morning and night. His days and nights were torture. He longed for death and fantasized killing himself or driving someone else to kill him. He imagined himself a target of the angel of Death.
And so once again the dank, cold pleasure of the drawing of a death curse filled me like a sweet drink of cold nectar. Black and thick, sickeningly sweet and bitter at the aftertaste. Pleasing until the end like the intromission period after a long orgasm. Cold, cold, cold like the best quietude on a moonless night. And so I remembered all the energies of entropy that surround the deaths of the guilty and deserving of their murder yet never done by another person or by suicide. More like getting hit by tumbling debris from a demolished building or getting hit and run over by a convoy of trucks, feeling pain long after dismemberment and disbursement of his remains, like living hamburger with raw nerves exposed and turned up with pain.
In a cold decided demeanor I called the runes, vibrating them and feeling their export to the ethers with attendant dark colors. I stood on the bind rune, the sigil of this target’s demise in the center, calling the Gods of death and entropy visualizing the target’s engulfment in darkness while stabbing him in effigy in the heart of the sigil. The Gods came cold upon him, sweeping him into the terror they invoke in others who do not understand the fruition in destruction and death as the pathway to rebirth or oblivion. It passed, cold, and black, blind in the opaque flatness of it.
“Die, die, die, die, die…” the chant went on and on fading with the burning of the incense and burnt parchment. Robe removed and folded reeking of Saturn incense I went into the night to drink tea and listen to death metal dirges droning me into the early morning towards sleep again at dawn and an amnesia of the night’s events.
In the days which followed everyone who wished great harm upon the target seemed to accumulate wishing him imaginatively greater and greater demise.
Finally, one night on his way home he drove past his neighborhood to a street leading out of town into a mountainous part of the desert. Low peaks of broken basalt adding to the overall darkness. The road faded to dirt. He drove up on a ghost town looking set of structures until finally a small bar appeared as a corner structure drawing him inexorably toward it. He parked, went to the doorway and walked in through a short corridor. The bar was low lit mostly from the floor. The bar stools were nearly all occupied except for a stool on the far end. Lowered volume droning music gave a depressed drone. Our target sat down on the end stool and noticed all the customers were hooded, dressed in black, faces obscured. He noticed a painting on the wall of a demonic Ulysses with eager expressing slaying all of Penelope’s suitors with the bow only he could string. The painting seemed to be oozing blood onto the floor. A woman walked up to him from the back of the room, came up to him, stomped on his toes with pointed heels, drawing blood. Another man walked up and stabbed a needle like long dagger into his shoulder to draw the most pain. Soon a crowd formed, kicking him, cutting him, bludgeoning him to submission then picking him up, waking him and beating him further, finally the crowd took him to the alley behind the bar and they chained him to four cars, one for each limb, waiting for the signal to pull him apart. And so they did, very slowly tearing his already agonized form to pieces and finally shards mixing their blood and his guts into the desert soil.
I saw the entire terrifying tale in a special report on the news the next day.
A cool, dark gloating came over me. I had been gone from these enchantments too long.
Multi angled love pouch
Deep love avoidance
Ten thousand Ulyseesean arrows
Killing 15000 boys who’ll never be men…
It seems like fun for a minute
Soon becoming like the swatting of so many shit eating flies
A dime novel version of Beelzebub,
Lesser parts of weaker personas ungratified,
Exorcist’s erotic elixir burning like lava spewed
From volcanic lust
Deep in an earthly Baphomet bowel
The Goat sees,
The Goat feels,
The Goat fucks,
Something like approval,
Something almost like distain
Curling this lip…
In the space between pain and the distraction from pain,
In eyes that want something they’ll see; the delusion of what they think they’ve gotten.
It got a little too worn out,
There was no party in the pain the chemicals eventually caused,
And living with pain did not make it bearable.
It made pain too much less a pleasure to achieve any worthy result.
So in others…causing pain worked for some moments,
Losing the illusion it had a luster of pleasure,
So someone told me they had to have those cigarettes and the
Booze rotting their guts and brains,
And all I saw seemed like tarred lungs and a besotted bleeding brains
And their tears of ongoing calamity and cheap melodrama unnecessary,
The musing fell off like piss and shit down a toilet,
I got grateful for the flushing.
Afterward sitting in rooms full of the self-piteous victims and their next would be perpetrators,
Triangulated by other perp-victims,
Waiting in line for a turn at that pain which looked like pleasure…
In all that nonsense, I saw you there and we conversed and got in rapport,
We seemed supported and cared for and we fucked and attempted to love,
And for quite some great collection of moments we loved and we fucked,
And we gave one another great pleasures,
You saw me through my demise coming through to live,
I could not see you through your madnesses and wonts to kill yourself,
It all seemed to go on the pain as you go delay plan
While I consumed your pussy in prolonged yet attenuated pleasure,
Leaving you to narcissism and the torture of boys with hateful mothers,
So she brought herself to me in longer years to come and come;
Hundreds of times she came easily,
Her pleasure blessings, longing for the
Divine blessing she found in the lesser resurrection
Forgoing my morning erections,
For the torture of an imaginary God friend’s love which never existed,
An egregore of delayed dissatisfaction,
Losing the mixture of our fluids during and after that which transcends the fucking.
Then you came and left too much,
Everything seemed important excepting the coupling you thought you cherished,
And you cringed at my pains and anger at the frustrations with living beyond all that,
So the relatives became more important and you and I less so…
Before this I saw a different you.
I had loved you long realizing later and sooner your narcissism would come to no good,
And watched your pain pill withdrawals and chemical driven obesity,
Briefly interrupted by a great many short orgasms and long deep comings,
And a desire for me to take care of you in ways which no Man can or would,
You paused our plodding at love with a night out wrong,
Seemingly dishonest like before,
And before when the real magicks seemed so driven and important
And the other males you wanted failed you,
And your husbands failed you,
And I left you before you could lie and say I failed you
While you continued to fail yourself
And wander painfully toward death on installments,
I distained at killing your distractions as they would come like endless ocean waves…
Now you come, fucking yourself over
Killing the endearing parts running from what works,
In the spoils of indulgence, wasted
Loving the devil of me,
Loving me as a Man,
So in this opus of your fatal deprecations,
The anchors of would be sorrows of this die before engulfing me,
And so we are gods, so we are partners…
While I go beyond divinity,
While I find some peace in my physical pains
And sorrow in mother’s death,
And my old good friends death caused by the same victim path
Killing you all so slowly
In self-hateful murder disguised as suicide whilst
I kill my ego one more time…
One more useless easy to discard noun:
: strong belief or trust in someone or something
: belief in the existence of God : strong religious feelings or beliefs
: a system of religious beliefs
\ˈfāths, sometimes ˈfāthz\
Full Definition of FAITH
a : allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty
b (1) : fidelity to one’s promises (2) : sincerity of intentions
a (1) : belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) : belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion
b (1) : firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) : complete trust
: something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially: a system of religious beliefs <the Protestant faith>
— on faith
: without question <took everything he said on faith>
Oh we must protest here!
Firstly, we have thrown out trust; baby, bathwater and all!
We can only go on a person’s reliability. When they give their word to do something, do they keep it and how consistently it happens.
Most atheists I have encountered-there have been hundreds-attempted God and religion to no avail. No amount of praying and openmindedness reveal a God who had their back. On a good day, some folks showed up to help and usually the person got their strategy together and succeeded. Other times no amount of faithful practice and belief resulted in a desired outcome…why? There IS NO GOD except the bullshit in your head.
Certainly there is no Judeo-Christian(lol, previously demonstrated as an erroneous term), Abrahamic God. No Jesus ever existed
Have no faith in the Lord, except below my belt line when I love you my dear. For he is the Lord of the night and pleasure and the true strength of the flesh!!!
The Lord of the Old and New Testaments is a mixed bag, really a mish mosh of Old Mesopotamian deities and Hellenistic and Egyptian dying gods. All a contrivance. Maybe good for some old fashioned hijacking of entity workings…most of which will not find its way into the minds of the muggles. All bullshit contrived for your paternal yearnings.
So much of this garbage is extolled by women, sometimes I think it’s their daddy complex and their wanting to be saved by someone. Oh my princess, await my coming to your rescue.
So let’s dispense with faith maybe except- b (1): fidelity to one’s promises (2) : sincerity of intentions.
Enough written about this shit. And I mean no insult to shit, which does have good use sometimes.
: a power that is believed to control what happens in the future
: the things that will happen to a person or thing : the future that someone or something will have
This one gets me wondering…
The first one is kinda scary and may have some roots in faith, especially in a negative intent.
Maybe the second one has more plausibility?
Maybe it’s something to get experienced after the acceptance of faith and a God toilet of predestination?
Maybe it’s just another bullshit term best rooted in dismissal?
Certainly if we dismiss faith we may not consider our fates after the fact????
All of these seem to come from Christianity in this society. Even the New Age versions are mostly borrowed from this beast of erroneous beliefs with some crap thrown in from the Eastern philosophies.
Going to Merriam-Webster for blessing we find:
: approval that allows or helps you to do something
: help and approval from God
: something that helps you or brings happiness
a : the act or words of one that blesses
: a thing conducive to happiness or welfare
: grace said at a meal
The most favored context has to do with help and approval from God…once again, what God? What’s the mythology here? Usually it is the bastardized form of the YahWeh-Jesus myth mess. People seem to love to give credit for subjectively favorable events which happen to their version of the imaginary friend…Fuck. How much could you be out of touch with the fruits of your own efforts? Does it come down to the prevailing thought that you do “the footwork” and “God” is in charge of the results? So carrying this a step further, have you set an intention and pushed an enchantment with a definite set of results desired? So how does this mechanism work? Enchantment and/or Invocation/Prayer?
The “magical” apologists among the “live and let live” throng would like to include everyone in the general context it seems…Well, OK. It causes the wondering at effectiveness of results…do you suppose?
At one point, I began blessing myself in several ways by writing down things I had gratitude from. Then I began to count my “blessings”, devoid of a God form or Supreme Identity. This went further in me extending my best wishes…er, intentions toward others, regardless of their approval or opinion (Uh oh, was I going against their will for themselves?)
In the end, for the sake of clarity, I dropped my usage of the word for personal communication, using instead, words less abstracted and more to the point of actual intentions and event occurrences. When used the word usually evokes the Abrahamic God nonsense out of folks and I really like staying away from it and it’s semantic cesspool.
noun mir·a·cle \ˈmir-i-kəl\
: an unusual or wonderful event that is believed to be caused by the power of God
: a very amazing or unusual event, thing, or achievement
: an extraordinary event manifesting divine intervention in human affairs
: an extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or accomplishment
Christian Science : a divinely natural phenomenon experienced humanly as the fulfillment of spiritual law
This word is another unnecessary embellishment adjective. Really there are no miracles. Perhaps there is an art to working wonders and that might get called thaumaturgy. The word is used primarily to give credit to the non-existent Christian “god” for anonymous or prayed for wonders. Occurrences which seemingly have a low probability. These things happen naturally and are usually explainable rationally or scientifically and when not, it’s just a matter of the lack of technology or science to explain them. All else is bullshit.
the principle of life, feeling, thought, and action in humans, regarded as a distinct entity separate from the body, and commonly held to be separable in existence from the body; the spiritual part of humans as distinct from the physical part.
the spiritual part of humans regarded in its moral aspect, or as believed to survive death and be subject to happiness or misery in a life to come:
arguing the immortality of the soul.
the disembodied spirit of a deceased person:
He feared the soul of the deceased would haunt him.
the emotional part of human nature; the seat of the feelings or sentiments.
a human being; person.
high-mindedness; noble warmth of feeling, spirit or courage, etc.
the animating principle; the essential element or part of something.
This term is a tragic irrational. We have no soul as defined here. This doesn’t negate the occurrence of an information stream or consciousness artifact which has a remnant after our deaths. A stream or events which represented our footprint in these. However, we don’t scientifically have the technology as yet to identify and verify this. Thus, at this point all this is erroneous and a waste of time as a noun in language.
All the effort devoted to the nonsense of these three words gets wasted. It seems we’ll stay better off not using them and defining and identifying our happiness and live our lives and posit our attitudes with gratitude and love rather than attempting to get esoteric unnecessarily, especially when the words primarily espouse one of the most deadly and destructive belief system viruses known to mankind.
For some time now I have centered myself on things, people and situations I like. It posits as a strategy of moving toward rather than away from that which I dislike so I don’t complain about the latterly nearly as much. This has been tough because there is much I don’t like, which unfortunately, I come in contact with almost unavoidably. I can write volumes about what I detest and why. I spent too much of my life in those pursuits, so I gave them up…for the most part.
I used to complain about neophilia and the obsession with new stuff, now I love it, finding the nostalgic boring and trite. I like to watch a movie maybe once or twice and some I quit in the middle to find something more likeable or read a book which holds my interest. Music gets even worse. I rarely listen to old tunes and bands as I have worn them out years ago. A lot of music, old and new, I quit like an A & R guy looking for the next hit because the tunes in question have grown passé or don’t have hooks which keep my interest. For example, I love Stones and Beatles, and like to keep them in my musical listening past, getting bored immediately. Don’t get me wrong, all this stuff is great…HOWEVER, I am DONE. I could go on and on about this-the redundancy is boring to the point of moving on to other topics I find interesting. I can apply this attitude to almost all topics.
Maybe most of this comes from people I see around me who seem unable to get enough of the same old stuff…their lives seem terribly habitual and they are uninteresting to me.
Most people in this society-thank goodness not all-Are driven by beliefs which are destroying everything around them. Most of us are driven by reproductive urges, consequently, we have too many people and too much greed with not enough people really interested in their neighborhoods or communities, not to mention the Republic. It seems as though the majority wants to be wealthy, even though the probability of attaining it-contrary to the popular money and wealth self-development gurus opinions and attitudes. Some of them even extol the elitism of it all. This has gone to the extreme of destruction of the environment and climate change to the point where skeptical beliefs have been generated to oppose evidence to the contrary. Let’s face it most want to believe nothing will happen or the evidence of it is a lie, or don’t care because they will be dead. Worse still, young people will have children despite all of this and the narcissism and ego centricity of it all. In fact, I continually ask people how them having children will benefit the rest of humanity and make the world a better place and none of them seem to be able to answer it well enough to legitimize their desires to procreate. Raising children, IME, sucked and didn’t produce benefits to the republic and the common good. People will avoid bettering themselves and serving as good examples to inspire others to do so…few of them will adopt children for that purpose. And while I deplore trophy hunting animals and the recent killing of Leo in Zimbabwe, a valid meme appeared how there was much more hoopla about that than 40,000 children who will starve to death.
People bitch about the political state of things yet the vast majority won’t vote or help field candidates who will be real public servants. People still think Ronald Reagan was a great president and that Obama is awful, when in actuality their respective awfulness has to do with almost the same characteristics.
And what am I doing about all of this? I constantly work at changing hearts and minds and am able to do so with facts and examples, one person at a time. I didn’t marry and have children even though one appeared because of a selfish mother. I raised him through puberty and young adulthood with some success. Unfortunately, he chose to have children, roped into it I think, similarly to myself. Consequently, he now has two children, one with autism and he’s gotten a vasectomy or is about to get one. Fucked.
So I stay away from people who want to revisit the nostalgic or spawn offspring, I have better things to do than waste time on dead end streets.
Sleep about me in your bedroom repositionings,
Stepped aside for my wont,
Your desire deep and long and craving,
Starving for the presence of me,
the appreciation given,
the time indulged,
the affectation of the affections sought and
bestowed like lavished gifts,
Like parades into a heart-space of feelings,
Not unlike tears,
Not unlike unborn mingled thought-forms of lust/love;
Urging and engaging
Swelling and gone worrisome
Thinned and spent
Like emptied water bladders,
Mechanical hearts, fluid drained
With a will to connect
Oi, I find I must consult various definitions:
: the quality or state of being concerned with religion or religious matters : the quality or state of being spiritual
Full Definition of SPIRITUALITY
: something that in ecclesiastical law belongs to the church or to a cleric as such
: sensitivity or attachment to religious values
: the quality or state of being spiritual
See spirituality defined for English-language learners
There is no single, agreed-upon definition of spirituality.[note 1] Surveys of the definition of the term, as used in scholarly research, show a broad range of definitions, with very limited similitude.
It may denote almost any kind of meaningful activity[note 2] or blissful experience. It denotes a process of transformation, but in a context separate from organized religious institutions, termed “spiritual but not religious“. In modern times the emphasis is on subjective experience. Houtman and Aupers suggest that modern spirituality is a blend of humanistic psychology, mystical and esoteric traditions and eastern religions.
And finally, something from a web page:
What Is Spirituality?
” Spirituality is a broad concept with room for many perspectives. In general, it includes a sense of connection to something bigger than ourselves, and it typically involves a search for meaning in life. As such, it is a universal human experience—something that touches us all. People may describe a spiritual experience as sacred or transcendent or simply a deep sense of aliveness and interconnectedness…”
To me, this term is overused and too generalized to have any real meaning other than a trashy abstraction.
When I went to 12 Step meetings (23 years with great consistency) in the Narcotics Anonymous (NA) fellowship, the water of meaning got terrifically cultist MUDDY. Over the years I had some people tell me I was a very spiritual person and yet I was-in my last ten years there-an avowed atheist. I finally came out against the theistic nature of the “Steps” and their, in my experience and the experience of many I encountered who’d left “the Program”-great lack of efficacy. The only real results from them I got came from common sense rational thinking appearing like bits of corn in the shit members called literature…unfortunately, the dysfunctional inheritance of cult belief obtained from Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) make many view these writings as some form of scripture, inspired by “GOD”, a power greater than ourselves found in the steps which arrests addiction and heals addicts from their “shortcomings”. Commonality in these erroneous-for the most part-beliefs creates the sense of connectedness between addicts which makes some of them think a loving, caring God has something to do with this when actually it may really come from people and their sense of human values known, I think, in those circles as spiritual principles. However, the cultist obeisance enforced by self-deprecating beliefs rooted in the Calvinist style adherence to Original Sin which came from AA ruin any possibility of broad appeal on a rational, factual level.
On a larger scale we see the search for the meaning of life from the philosophical concept which posits that humans are born “good”. This has spawned numerous religiosities and New Age practices which have little value except, IMO, to break away from. The real value here comes from learning the ability to create one’s own meaning by splicing various techniques and practices from religious and “spiritual” regimens.
On a magical level, I find religions and “spiritualities” abhorrent when they breed a cultist mentality. This is not to negate the value of adopting a paradigm as such and finding full immersion in it to glean mastery of the useful techniques there for use in synthesis of the magical operator’s magical tool box.
I have found more value in a temporary full immersion in beliefs and techniques, using them to synthesize innovative, new paradigms to obtain results contributing to the overall purpose of the operator. In this sense, spirituality is just another set of religious paradigms which may or may not have any usefulness.
Belief in a God or Gods when concretized may create a blind adherence to unrealistic ideals and beliefs which may create problems in the world due to the abandonment of rational practical problem solving and solutions strategies.
Along these lines we find a preoccupation with the term “soul”. Once again, I think, is a set of nebulous interpretations having little use when abstracted into a consensus generalization for use in religions and cults.
On a good day we may, at some point, technology permitting, redefine and rename this to represent some seemingly immortal information stream or “ocean of consciousness” devoid of individual human egos. Perhaps there may occur an energy or information stream to which the ALL finds an ever-present interconnectedness. I have always liked the concept of KIA and the spark, the inherent life force, which may or may not be akin to Manna or the connectedness which seemingly is the cosmic glue holding it all together.
Then again all this may wind up abstractions in the limited views produced by human perceptions of “reality”.
More to come…
He expected her to be drunk, musing over something. Bemoaning something. Having an inner groan on a health issue.
“What the fuck Mondo…You, you just show up at my door. Did you think you could come all this way and expect me to fawn over you?”
She rushed on him, almost tackling him. He braced and held her fiercely, yet gently. She looked him deeply in the eyes. She almost glazed over and softened quickly to tears.
“You bastard…you know I have always wanted to meet you. I don’t know what you’re expecting…”
“Sunshine, I was in bed. I just …”
“I can smell what you were doing. I can see what you were doing… How the fuck do you get here so quickly after sex? You couldn’t have been down the street, I know who’s around here.”
“Seriously, I just did some sex magic without the intention of actually coming here. Here I am in the flesh. Winded and sweaty.”
She pressed into him in a loving way, “You’re not sweaty. You smell like sex though…who were you with?”
Lying: She looked just like you. I found her at a bookstore. We had coffee, exchanged numbers hung out, read books…went to dinner, talked, she invited me home…
“You’re such a pig, Mondo. You’re not getting any of me!!!”
“Hell, I had no conscious intention of coming here. I was enjoying myself just fine. I could’ve stayed with her indefinitely…”
“You’re so full of shit about that…” her Midwestern accent came through kind of nasal…He loved her face and different profiles…he’d kept trying to get her to talk to him on the phone.
“Mondo? Where are you? What happened?”
Diane has just come out of her orgasmic trance, sleepy, dreamy, wanting to come again…she felt so comfortable with him. It felt so right to give all of herself. He is there like a rock…so present, so real. He licked her the way she’d always wanted and mounted her after a series of intense climaxes…no one had ever done it quite that way…she felt like they had fused. Like they were made to fit together perfectly…
“Monnnnnnnddooooo, you bastard! Where are you? Come in here and let me kiss you again…”
OMG…his kisses, she thought. He’d let her kiss him first.
“Di, kiss me the way you like being kissed, like you’ve always wanted to be kissed.”
Oh, she did and he kissed her back better than it had ever happened…fuck! How would she keep him around, if anything just to fuck…this made her admit to herself how much she loved to fuck and get fucked…he made her feel loved when they talked and the way he listened to her, not judging her. Just looking at her with an open stance. He seemed and acted so confident when she let loose with all her crazy feelings and thoughts about her life and experiences. He seemed perfectly accepting of her, no matter what. She could almost feel his heart beating across a table like her head lay on his chest. When they came together it was like a love affair that had consummated and grown and increased in intensity over time…
“Mondo! Where are you?”
He was gone. His clothes were on the bed and draped over the chair, shoes on the floor. Fuck! She got up walked around the apartment. He wasn’t on the patio. The doors were locked from the inside the way she had set them when they came in.
“Well, what am I going to do with you Mondo?”
“Honestly Sunshine, I don’t know…I am kind of freaked. I have never teleported this way before…I mean this is like the travel modality I have always wanted to master.”
“This is too weird Mister…” She still held him and he held her…Godfuckingdamnit, he really loved her…this is just too weird. These were not the clothes he’d worn out with Diane.
“Well, I was just about to go to the liquor store before it closes. Tomorrow is Sunday and they don’t open till eleven…”
“Sunday, shit. It was Friday night at her house…”
“OK Mondo, that’s enough of this…we have to figure out how to get you home. I don’t know if I want you to stay here!”
Damn he was handsome and strong. She still held on to him. She could just stay there.
“Can I just ride you piggyback to the store? It’s only two blocks.”
She didn’t want to let go. It felt so safe and secure. Yet she also felt that he could be murderous and fucking diabolical and a dirty man slut…shit, dangerous to the touch…damn this feels good.
He released her. She had put her legs around his waist while holding him, and he could feel her warmth and was beginning to have a change in blood flow. It seemed time to push off for now.
“I’ll have to think about the piggy back…”
She wanted to bite him and taste his skin and blood…no, not really. She wanted to rake his back with her fingernails and bite his tongue…she wanted to sit quietly with him and just talk and wonder…
“OK lady, jump on!”
“Cool, you have to promise you will not let me love you very much…I am very scared. I almost pissed myself…” It wasn’t urine.
They went out the front door. She locked up.
“I’m ready old man!”
“I’m ready pretty lady.”
She jumped on. They walked the two blocks. She wasn’t sure about him. He wasn’t exactly like other men she’d been attracted to-other men she’d loved. He sure felt good.
“I am so blown away that I was 2500 miles away and now I am here. Fucking too weird.”
“Here’s the store!” they’d walked up a back street turned a corner, and there it was…a liquor store, next to a laundromat. She jumped off, grabbed his arm, hooking hers to it…she walked up to the counter.
“Captain Morgan, quart bottle, please…”
“I got this sweetie.” He smiled at her. As always a wad of cash in his left hip pocket, wallet and plastic in the right one.
“Well buddy, you won’t have any problem getting out of town will you?” By the way, I am not driving to the city! You know how I hate the place…”
Oddly enough, his phone was in his pocket.
“I’ll get a flight out tomorrow, no problem…”
“Where you going to stay tonight?” She with a shit eating grin…
“Couch me, please…don’t want you to get the wrong ideas…”
Bastard, she thought. How would he know what I want with him? I don’t know what I want with him.
Back at her place she got a little drunk…weird. She’d actually sobered up. They talked until dawn, fell asleep.
They woke up the first time…10am on her phone seven on his…her head was on his chest they’d purred while sleeping…
“I am too tired. You don’t have to leave yet, right?”
He didn’t say a word just looked at her.
“Alright we can go lay on the bed.”
He wiped sleep slightly away. “You promise you won’t take advantage of me?”
“No worries buster. Come on…”
This time she snuggled nicely. The fell back to sleep immediately. When they woke again it was 230PM.
“Shit, I’d better call the airport…”
“No, I feel safe, please stay…”
She was already asleep again. He fell out completely.
Much later. Later. It felt like YEARS and YEARS LATER, he woke up in this weird space outside, at the mouth of a cave by the shore of a lake. He felt he was standing. Gazing out at the horizon, he could see the Moon rising. Its reflection shimmering silver and gold in the lake. There was a loud bellowing like cattle but not cattle, like something very large, like a two ton bullfrog. There’s no goddamned frogs this large. There never was, not even 200 or 300 million years ago…Fuck, where am I, where is she? The water was black, opaque. Something was moving toward him without splashing. He couldn’t see it, barely hear it. Her head popped out, then her body…Damn, she was all wet glistening in the moonlight, beautiful, visual poetry.
“Hey you fucker. I am not that hot! Get your clothes off and get in this water with me. Catch me if you can.”
She slid back in and began backing out. He peeled off his clothes and came after her, swimming very close. She teased, keeping him at arm’s length.
“You ain’t getting it….naw, naw, naw…”
There was a huge splash, sending waves over their heads, erasing any romance or passion from the moment. Two large fishlike, no amphibian like eyes maybe a foot across moved toward them, staring dead on, chortling at boat motor volume.
This time, he’d eaten the scorpion…
“You fucker! Where were you?”
Diane was on him with a passionate vengeance, naked. His hard curve past the navel steering into her with her greatest deliberation.
“Where the fuck did you go…you disappeared all day. I was scared shitless. Were you running around outside naked? Hmmmm.”
He looked at him, bearing down with all her strength on the length of him.
“Fucker, you weren’t under the bed. You weren’t hiding in the closet. The windows were locked!”
She had pushed him down flat and was jackhammering him, supine. She came. She came. She stopped. She started. She came. She could feel the semen rising up from his body and balls. He came in long hot, copious amounts that ran out of her onto him.
He passed out again.
He would fight this fucking monster with enchantment. Send it back through the abyss whence it came… she was on him from behind in the water keeping them both afloat while the frog monster came rushing at them full bore…
“Havawang, Chiatio Duxobum! Havawang! Ujachek, datk, datk…” the chant flew out of him with a great violence and she was terrified as a great, long, slimy tongue, covered with sharp bristles wrapped itself around them and in the sky a great winged serpent appeared, glowing red against the night sky…
To be continued…
Rather than therapy(which can help if result oriented, as process oriented is not so effective, is too costly, and takes too long), 12 Step Programs, and of course religion and spirituality. Here comes a new strategy based on my own habit breaking techniques and those gleaned from others…
This is a basic treatise on this…I may cover each in depth in further blogs…
1. Garner complete self acceptance without judgment.
this may seem overwhelming for those believing they have little self worth and lots of self deprecation. A good technique can have great effect by writing down this problem and how you would advise yourself to get out of it. Myriad ways that work are easily accessible in free books and on the internet. Another useful technique is to find friends, associates, and family who care for you and have them tell you your positive character traits while you write them down…you can now make a list of these, stare into the mirror before bed and prefix each with the short phrase-I am-saying them out loud while staring deeply into your eyes…prefix these with the vocalized affirmation…I now completely accept myself without judgment…after this write down how this will cause you to change into a person loving oneself unconditionally…
2. Admit you have a harmful habit-look into it, explore it, write about how this has affected you and what your life will be like without it.
Very important: write out how you will break the habit love yourself and manage your affairs…
3. Find people who will support you without judgment who will listen to you and only give you feedback when you ask for it.
REMEMBER AVOIDING TAKING ANYTHING PERSONALLY FROM ANYONE AND REALIZE THIS IS ABOUT THEM AND NOT YOU
4. Learn a form of mindfulness meditation, exercise moderately, adjust to a healthy, toxic free diet—do this in ways that fit and produce beneficial results.
5. Develop a completely new lifestyle away from the addiction supporting lifestyle.
Write down what the old life was like and how your new life will reflect new beliefs, behaviors, thinking patterns, and a supportive environment. Walk through this in the future from successful behaviors yourself or even others you identify with have used to make great success in this, even when you practiced the old addiction habit. In practice of the new beliefs and behaviors give ourselves kudos and accolades whenever we have made progress…take stock of the progress and add to it in developing more productive future outcomes.
REMEMBER YOUR HAPPINESS AS A STATE…CALL UP THAT STATE NOW…INCREASE IT…STEP BACK OUT OF IT…STEP BACK IN INCREASE THE STATE AND ANCHOR IT WITH A GESTURE OR A VISUALIZATION ON THE WAY TO ITS ZENITH…REPEAT SEVERAL TIMES. STEP OUT DO SOMETHING UNRELATED AND MAKE THE GESTURE…TEST AGAIN AND AGAIN REPEAT THE ABOVE STEP UNTIL YOU CAN BE HAPPY ANYTIME YOU DESIRE…
More on this shit later…
While she lay in judgment,
while she ranted in the dearth/death coitus,
while the flush came with rant allowed, accepted,
while the chant made demons of goddesses,
while the copious ceremony bored all with redundancy,
while dumbshit vows blasphemed holy profanity of lust,
and the foolish looked on like brainwashed Ayn Randian lemmings,
rife in the distress of American delusions,
Spawning folly into the abyss…
Wahhhhhhhhhhhh!! I hate this heat, I am going to move to a cooler climate…”
“I am moving to San Diego, I want to live by the beach…”
“I am moving to Oregon…”
I have been very happy when you have done this, because it shows me you don’t like it here in Phoenix for whatever reasons. Personally, I am pleased you have done this because it shows you feel no responsibility rooted in a sense of place here. So will you do the same thing when you move to the other place? I am wagering most will(however, I do know some who do and have) NOT!
I love it when bands leave because they thought the “golden opportunity” was in LA. Cool, you can pay to play. Cool, you can get tossed out of A&R-which has changed drastically in the last several years only to find you’re better off making it on your own with a real business plan centered around live performance and merchandising revenue…blah, blah, blah…the rest of the entertainment world wannabes actors, film writers, and etc.
Why is it many have moved back here or to here in Phoenix AFTER making it big? Read ’em and weep y’all.
Let me go on by saying I love the desert and I love Arizona, the land, the summer heat, and the natives…you expatriate motherfuckers are excused so long as you feel a sense of community and duty to the community by supporting local enterprise and investing in the people already here.
And to you shit media consumers of the alarmist variety hung up on illegal immigration bullshit.
Guess what you patriotic knuckleheads?
This area was invaded by the US Army and annexed overtime from Mexico. So when Mexican nationals come here, some of them think of it as an age old right of “la Raza”. When indigenous tribes want a piece of the action, please know where that comes from too… The real deal comes when we invest well in Mexico so that jobs are plentiful and of livable wages there-most nationals would rather be there with their families enjoying the prosperity. Please note; most of the responsibility for this comes from employers HERE who don’t want to pay a local fair wages and are more than willing to hire a “illegal”…whom BTW, mostly contribute a great deal economically to our local economy with their earnings, just like “legal” citzen/consumers.
And to those of you aching to move to “Cali” to live by and go to the beach: WTF will you do when the motherfucking place runs out of water and people start really freaking out?
Tell me how you like the traffic and the overpopulation and the economy.
You might wish you lived back in the desert where we do a better job of water conservation(with the exception of groundwater). You motherfuckers from back East who bitch about the heat and etc…PLEASE GO HOME for fuck’s sake…most will be moving there anyway when the water problem peaks here.
Lastly, have you “I love to fly and travel” motherfuckers looked at your carbon footprint lately and how you contribute to man made climate change rather than becoming a climate denier because the climate change shit interferes with your life style?
Have you looked at the air at 30,000 feet where jets travel on inter continental flights lately?
So piss on you and your shitty selfish, “I want to see the world” mentality. You ought to be developing WIN-WIN scenarios locally and socially so the bullshit in this photo comes to an end…
OH and here’s a couple of Cali shots for you wanting to emigrate there….
I am a father. I love my son. He told me I am a good Dad…that’s nice.
I am grateful the task of fatherhood has greatly diminished for me. I found it a thankless batch of work in which I would have been happier not to participate. I know people for whom this seems otherwise. If they take personally my comments and experiences regarding fatherhood, oh well!
It had always been my choice to be childless, my son’s mother had other plans…and she did plan to get pregnant without my knowledge before the fact. She is very well educated from a well educated socially conscious family… I am not a victim of her choice. I chose to participate in my son’s life when he was 12 and have ever since.
I approached it with zeal and enthusiasm and eventually grew to detest it without it affecting my treatment and loving kindness shown to my son. I gave him time, care, attention, love, and direction and the opportunity to enter manhood. He still hasn’t fully matured because he was not able to get mentorship from mature men besides myself and my experience has shown me that this premise is necessary for full development. I came to accept long ago that the nuclear family is a ruse knowing that only the extended family with mature paternity…and maternity can help children become adults. I also know that men only gain part of what it means to be a mature man from women and their fathers. I have been shown we also need mentoring from real men, older men to make the transition. At any rate. I did well, very well, especially for a man who did his best to enjoy it-and did sometimes-and in the overall assessment, did NOT.
Now my son is raising his own family…oh woe, oh woe, oh woe unto the prospects of this. Until the world gains momentum toward sustainability and repair… we need mature parents, not more children…
At any rate I hope you MOTHERFUCKERS out there in the world have a great fucking day(BTW- I do love the sexual love parts of the fucker-fucking of the mothers). I decided I am.
Definition of TRUST
a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
b : one in which confidence is placed
a : dependence on something future or contingent : hope
archaic : trustworthiness
a (1) : a charge or duty imposed in faith or confidence or as a condition of some relationship (2) : something committed or entrusted to one to be used or cared for in the interest of another
When looking at forgiveness the definitions of forgive may serve us best here:
Full Definition of FORGIVE
a : to give up resentment of or claim to requital for
b : to grant relief from payment of
: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : pardon
However, when I look at the synonyms it seems to make more sense:
absolution, amnesty, pardon, remission, remittal
In the course of emotional events, people get hurt, people intentionally hurt others, people feel hurt from oversensitivity, and victim mentalities abound. Harm to ourselves and others abounds in everyday life. Sometimes harm is a consequence of purpose driven intentions-seemingly unavoidable. People also suffer emotional harm because of trust issues. Because of this, forgiveness has come into play. Forgiveness, however, may not have the same value as the surrender of letting go and when self care is optimum, it may not be necessary.
From long years of observation of my relationships and the relationships of others, I think the inherent problems come from trust and the unrealistic assumption of trustworthiness. I attended a lecture in the early part of the millennium by one of my favorite lamas-Za Rinpoche. His topic was trust and told me the major problem with it had to do with us not having the ability to fully trust ourselves as individuals because we really don’t know ourselves, thus when we attempt to trust others it winds up rife with failure and disappointment, anger, hurt, and emotional pain can ensue.
The root of this problem, I feel certain, comes from the victim-hood of taking people and their actions personally by attempting to trust them according to beliefs and standards not based in the observations of their behavior. When I treat every event as an individual occurance and let go of my desired outcome freeing it of all expectations, I tend to have little suffering as a result. People do everything based in their individual motivations from their beliefs and values and not necessarily according to social ideals and standards.
Usually, if the principles of integrity, non-judgement of self and others, refraining from making assumptions, and making a best effort at these principles in belief, thinking, and behavior, we may find ourselves not having to forgive or overcome the construction of unhealthy and anger and the subsequent resentments.
It can make life that much easier when we stay rooted in the integrity of not taking things personally and keeping our word with ourselves…
I am grateful for those who offered themselves up for supposed noble causes known as wars. Almost all of them are cannon fodder for the Military Industrial Complex and its prototypes coming from the Industrial Revolution in the USA.
When the facts are carefully researched, we can see the wars and their atrocity mostly avoidable. Yet, we are encouraged to “support our Troops”, regardless of the follies they are commissioned to undertake. The political memes used to garner patriotic support have successfully brainwashed the majority of citizens into the nightmare of our country and why it is widely hated.
When I am asked to support the troops, I ignore it as the underlying reasons deal with exploitation and the conquest of others for the gains of American business interests and the corporatism which rules the world for the most part.
I support the noble motive of protecting and serving the people of this country.
Perhaps that will be best accomplished by protecting us from the corporatist will run riot.
With all this and more in mind, I must mourn the millions of needless deaths in the cause of gain and laud the sentiment of those who erroneously believed they have defended a cause worthwhile delusion that remains.
Hopefully we can use our sentiments and grief to honor the dead by moving forward into peace and the deconstruction of the negative elements of corporatism.
This morning felt a little unsettling…
Some days started very well. Some male would spend the night…the sex was usually good. All this wound up short lived to a good end.
This morning, outside the door some kind of disturbance had appeared as though some kind of portal was opening from another place. She hadn’t walked out yet. She felt it and when she peered out the window she could see the shifting warping space.
She was thinking about HIM.
He stayed in her mind, only as a pleasure at a safe distance. He wouldn’t move to her. He wouldn’t come get her. He wanted her in his domain. It felt so safe and comfortable to love him with all her power and her passion, knowing he would be there regardless of situations and who they chose to be with at any time. When she wanted his love, she thought of him and felt it. She could feel his body behind hers, holding her when convenient and needed. She wanted him and was content at a distance…
“Fwwwhhhhpppppp!!!” The front door shut tightly, sealing the inside of the house from the head and wind.
“Ahhhh, I love my home.” The little black Bombay Cat starting with her high pitched mewing brushed his pant leg….
“Kitten! You do love your daddy heh?”
He sat down his black leather, soft brief case and walked to the master bedroom and into the bathroom to unload a voluminous piss and change clothes. He thought of her and sighed. He knew she loved him and how much more it would increase had she come here to live and flourish in his presence. She already had this too safely…she had no idea of the emotional dangers in him. She liked this excitement in the right context where excitement ends in the right type of pain for her and eventually pleasure.
She felt content as his muse. She viewed his sexual escapades for years and served as a friend, knowing deep inside there would be so much more, so much more.
And so she found her pleasure in other men without the complete fulfillment…
Damn it felt good to shake it out, to relax, and to ease into another evening.
If he could just walk into the next room into another place other than through a dream…
Weeks before in a mountain cave, the creature grew three faces; serpent, eagle, and bear. A Chimeric body of elephant, giraffe, and dragon wings…with flocks of Fire tailed swallows to gather all desired outcomes and artifacts of enchantment. It would be called by the chant and the entity it came from.
Like a special treat spread before him a meal of delights…
“You have the most special talents…I love it, I love my Oso…” She sank back into the purple sheets moving closer to the peaks so many have not experienced. The doorway opened.
As this happened, he fell in the vortex of pleasure, sucked in…she came again and again, squealing in a set of colloquialisms he semi understood…she couldn’t take any more, he eased off, stood over the edge of the bed, pushing back the chair he’d sat in…
“Now my time has come…” His mind was whirling into the abyss, his entities of health, wealth, and sexual pleasure dancing about him while he chanted their mantras under his breath.
He grasped the erect, congested staff of throbbing, oozing deliveries of sex love guiding it into her with a deliciously slow deliberation…
“Oi, oi, oi…ohhhh, ohhhh, ohhhh…”
He began the rhythms he learned she loved and pulsed deeper and deeper seeing doorway after doorway open in and out of the abyss.
“Daaaaaaaaaatttttthhhh…” he said in a whispering growl, “Daaaaaaaaattttthhhhhh”.
She reached another set of plateaus and the muse flittered subconsciously into her body, expanding and taking the ecstasy into her consciousness as love, the kind of love that comes only through touch and a deep trance.
The elixir began its inexorable mixing as the man goo rose up out of his balls and he convulsed and shouted while squirting deep into her final throes of bliss that melted into her smile, eyes closed.
He lowered himself forward, face down to feel the next ten minutes of his body orgasm, falling through the doorway into the space outside her door.
She looked out at him, eyes beautiful and brown soft, “How the fuck did you get here?”
He began to laugh…
To be continued…
life feels better sometimes
her eyes say
her eyes stay hidden with the I love yous
tortured by her mind
the trust long gone
She always remembers me,
thinks of me
wishes me there…
seeing me here
vestibule home for this face,
passions deep into her stations
again and again and again,
she looks behind her asking
I am here,
smiling, she knows she loves me
tells me in another place
We’re partnered apart these long years…
My criticisms are just that:
: the activity of making careful judgments about the good and bad qualities of books, movies, etc.
evaluations…more than value judgements. In the former blog, I observed rites I did not deem as magically illuminating. They had “spiritual” value, however, with me not practicing spirituality… They did not stimulate my imagination or inspire me to innovation. This is a personal view, purely subjective which did correspond with the views of some others.
Still, I participated and enjoyed.
When a sorcerer returns home from a magical retreat to absorb and apply innovation, introspection seems at a premium.
My introspection goes as such…I saw a lot of religiosity disguised as illumination…not my take on illumination. I have little interest in tantra unless it involves sex magic on a results level. I didn’t experience results level insights worth repeating. Random information generated by group consciousness seems nice yet once again has little to offer me in an immediate or train to a long term result.
Next we had a memorial to a suicide…Oi! In the words of a couple of esteemed associates, “FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCK!!!”
Depression sucks, its true, however, it can and is frequently worked through. I will not approve of nor coddle such choices unless physical demise is immanent and filled with unrelenting pain.
On other notes, nonsensical divinations have their place…
While I was gone, Thanateros Productions LLC had it’s debut in an EDM show at a gallery. We actually made a small profit and people had a great time so it seems from all received reports. We will have more.
There will, as usual, shifts in mundane reality…
WE WILL FUCK it UP in beneficial ways!!!