Oh what a childish whim that mix of mammalian and reptile brain triggers.  I found myself controlled in the mix to stand outside myself and see what I am not really about.  Wow!  To see that my infatuations have too much neocortical input without proper logistics.

Oh she looks so good...who does she remind me of?  Some unreachable from adolescence or childhood?  The babysitter that had me flick her clit with my plastic syringe from the 1957 doctor bag kit.  Playing doctor at four with the babysitter at her suggestion then my insistence.  No wonder I get so excited when a woman gets naked with me.  Except women that remind me of my mother or my mean-assed Capricorn Aunt.

                                             

No, its the dirty little girl from down the street.  No, its the cute little girl from kindergarten.   Mostly, it seems like her.  Just like unwrapping the first Christmas present the day before Christmas.  Its  wonderland sinking my dick into her and savoring the slow deliberate entry like I am tonight.   What a time in life to have low testosterone.  I can fuck like a youngster but I get depressed.  Today at the suggestion of my internist, I used a little bit more Androgel and I got hellaciously more aggressive by predinner time ketosis.  I got way too pissy.  Too reactive.  I will eat before I get too wound tomorrow.  I am trying to keep my emotions down in those scenarios as they can cause the lapsing of important boundaries and value assertions.  I have to remain out of the fantasies and the mentalities that cause me to wuss out.