Kudos to My Greatest Lover

Not that all my great lovers seem lesser.

In retrospect, she deserves the utmost of kudos. We have had sex THOUSANDS OF TIMES. There occurs many reasons for that all summed up by this short phrase-MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL. Never a mediocre experience. Never even the slightest bit regrettable. Totally in our bodies(now old Mondo’s mind may have gotten off elsewhere at times and we ignore her whinings about that).

Sex Magic-a prime reason for living IME-in almost every experience. She got started in Magic with me we experimented together and found the groove. (you dippy muggles just stay missin’ out, missin’ out)

We did all of it I wanted to do. She has come to me at times in my life when I found myself in between times.

We got together first in the early nineties as she finished a divorce and after my son’s mother made her sojourn away-that could be a hundred page entry alone.

I rediscoverd my masculine sexuality with her. It had gone quite awry. I didn’t know how to function sexually without drugs and I was four years clean. My issues in that area of life had come to fore and I got a little functional, if not a bit more mature. Drug addiction can stunt emotionaly growth in all areas of life for the addict.

For some reason I relaxed completely with her and went to levels I never dreamed possible sexually. I grew to love her in a healthy way over a long period of time. As many relationships do in life this one went the way of endings-painful; ending over an emotional misunderstanding that took too long for resolution. We tried it again three years later and she later admitted that the readiness lacked. I thought myself ready to lifelong commit. She broke it off on my birthday and ran to a real bozo I introduced her to…supposedly a friend of mine. She dumped him and left him like steaming dog loaves on a fresh cut lawn.

The pain from that caused me to whirl myself further into a long sexual odyssey.( And my readers know that the Choronzon Lady was soon to follow the Dark Maiden who came after this woman.)

That split up completely broke my heart like the proverbial Humpty Dumpty, and while I forgave her, I do not forget, and the love I had will not return. Over ten years later, she made amends-the most complete and “perfect” amends made to me thus far. Very sad but, too late to turn back the emotional clock.

And while there remains a great love there, it just ain’t that kind.

[Love as defined by Spinoza via Antonio Damasio(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ant%C3%B3nio_Dam%C3%A1sio ) in “Looking for Spinoza-2003):

“For example when Spinoza said, love is nothing but a pleasurable state. Joy, accompanied by the idea of an external cause, he was separating the process of feeling from the process of having an idea about an object that can cause an emotion.]

I am soooooo grateful to her now for acting as such a great friend and confidant after my dissolution with the crazy lady of late this last March. We fucked each others’ brains out the Friday that bitch had gone to meet her felonious, loco Bo’zo, soon to be paramour.

Now, as many of us know, there ain’t no amount of fuckin’ that’ll assuage that kinda pain. However, it sure did help my sexual ego. I placed my sexuality in perspective once again and stayed on track as a man. For six months we fucked over three hundred times in a most spectacular fashion. It coulda been in the documentary films that are shown in University courses about Human Sexuality.

I don’t think I have ever experienced a woman getting off that frequently-usually twenty times a session!

Typical dialog:

Mondo: you love it when I fuck you…

Her: Yes I love the way you fuck me, no one has or can fuck me like you. I come with you like with no other.

Mondo: You love my cock inside you and when I come inside you!

Her: I want your cock inside me all the time. I love it when you come inside me. I love the way you feel inside me.

Mondo: I have fucked you thousands of times

Her: you have fucked me more than anyone(she was married twice and has three kids)and it feels better than ever.

Mondo: I love to fuck you and fuck you and fuck you…get on your hands and knees

Her: are you going to come?

Mondo: maybe, maybe after I fuck you this way almost to the point and then get you on top so I can see you come several times…

She always performed spectacularly in these circumstances.

Always.

There does not seem enough to write or to express my joy at her in this context. She remains forever extolled in these virtues and in highest esteem in my present introspections. Io! Io! Io! To all the god forms of sex and lust!

Memories of Use

All the lust I have gushed and sent and collected

Burns in her and her and the last fifteen years,

I can see them dressed and undressed, bent over and standing out,

They think of me in them and on them and licking and sucking them,

They remember me always in spite of the pain generated selective amnesias.

There seems some kind of heart; some deep emotion engorging me flopped over

Against my hip,

In her admirations and my stabbing and stroking at combustion engine paces,

Just that journey, that grace of enjoying me and the things I do that show me.

Just that collection of moments I never forget that shuffle better than Utube or itunes or any of that,

They play better than tired old tunes or symphonic sycophants,

I can remember the way they feel and the way they touched me and loved me and care for me still.