If only(LOL)

da touch

If only we would have watched the sun come up that one last time,

 

If only the scent of flowers would have reached our noses as the most fragrant smell ever tasted,

 

If only we can actually hear what we say to each other,

 

If only we would have seized the opportunity to know and to love each other in a most special and endearing set of ways,

 

If only we could have considered those other sets of choices for decisions we made,

 

If only we would have learned what it was like to feel loved and to know what made us feel loved,

 

If only we would have seized the opportunities in front of us and seen them as opportunities instead of solutions to problems,

 

If only in this moment and in every moment, we choose to cherish the special, beautiful moments life brings,

 

If  only we can now stop tolerating apologists in any form and meet them with fields of fact,

If only the apathetic in the land of quit will awaken from the trance of narcissisms and inaction to stand with a more universal set of values in loving consensus,

If only we wouldn’t have to turn ourselves into solutions and we could keep ourselves in a gaseous state, not believing in much not worrying about anything. Only moving forward believing that the best possibilities will go beyond the worst outcomes…

 

 

 

 

 

 

©mhumunculero2017

 

 

swirly

Coffee, coffee and devil’s cake too…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

amodern devil

The coffee shop opened at 5 am.

 

She had done an all – nighter preparing for another useless business task at a price that fills the pockets of her masters.

Someone else came up out of the earth at that moment. Heavy density, the origin like gravity, like the 4th force of the universe. He, She, it, animate, inanimate, phantom like yet harder and denser than the most dense matter from the stars. This life form he was dealing with had reached a its dead end. Of course, this often happens with many species. They reach a point where they cannot adapt and survive Will these humans evolve into another humanoid like form? Will they be able to adapt to the conditions they have created in their foolish lack of forsight?  

Not to worry, it would feel nice to do some whimsical things.

It reached into itself and pulled out several scenarios.

In this moment, a handsome young man made his way to the coffee bar. Behind him came our female friend lost in her anxiety over finishing her work project. She could smell him, sending a warm wave from her third eye to her groin. She saw herself with this man, whereupon he turned around. He very gently placed a hand in the small of her back. He looked into her eyes, and she pressed her mouth on his, touching the tip of his tongue with hers.

This was like a dream come true. How could this happen this way? How could this happen so quickly?

He ordered his coffee with his arm around her waist, she nuzzling her nose and lips into his neck. She felt very secure and confident for what she had to do in an hour and a half and he ordered exactly what she wanted without having to ask. They got their coffee and retired to a table outside obscured from the view of others. They took a few sips of their coffee, staring each into each other’s eyes, hands touching. She had on a skirt to her knees, no panties; a plaid with blues, greens and black with a black skin tight top, no bra. Her voice made his cock rock hard. She sensed it and opened his pants, freeing it in into the morning air. Her right hand found the tip giving the motion, which is perfect for him while his tongue probed her mouth, leaving the coffees on the table. Soon she was in his lap, burying his cock in her wet quim, and squeezing it with the muscles made fit from those hundreds of thousands of Kegels she did for years. They kissed wildly. Her vagina massaged that rock hard pulsing penis and felt the cum rising out of his balls several times, which she halted mid shaft, giving him the shivers of body orgasms she was experiencing. For some reason, this drew people walking by.

People pulled in, parked, getting out of their cars, getting some coffee of their own, some of them engaging in their own orgies and couplings. Meanwhile, on the street, two cars smashed head on with a fire truck close behind them, full of firefighters also after their coffee. They parked mid street, walked in and ordered before they extracted the injured and dead from the wreck.

Our friend from up out of the earth was laughing now. Here once again, some sex and death with a decrepit species. It wasn’t the great energy fucks he was used to in his interdimensional travels. Not so unlike other lower life forms he encountered, conjugating and fucking and exchanging genetic information. This is a species fast becoming infertile. Not only in body, also in thinking and neuro evolution. It felt pleasant to watch death filling the street with blood and shit from spilled guts, and to feel the fucking and the bodily fluid exchange from those who were oblivious to the carnage which had occurred outside.

Now in another dream on another day, the new POTUS and his cronies had gathered together to cause the destruction of the administration they hated so much. In this moment, the generals and the elite strike force they created needed for such a coup and execution, rushed into the room, weapons raised, killing all. At that point, another weapon was introduced, which disintegrates organic matter, and all traces of them vanished. Not even dust remained.

Back at the coffee shop on that other day, people changed partners and continued to fuck and fuck and fuck. The firefighters watched and drank their coffee. The cops showed up, the forensics team showed up. A lady coroner arrived who should have been a pin up in some men’s magazine from the 1950s. She grabbed the battalion chief on the fire truck who was another pin up from the calendars some cougar women hang on their walls. They grabbed each other and lay in the blood and shit and piss in the street and created a fuck fest spectacle that even the worst scat porn people will shit their pants watching….

 

 

 

©Copyright 2017 Humunculero

She does and can

She fucked me and I slept well.

Yes, she crawled in my bed with me after a couple of days of affection.  She lay next to me enjoying her sleep, having her rest.  And there in a presence of “maybe he’ll wake up and we’ll have a passionate three-day fuck and love fest”, I did wake up with a throbbing hurt.  It seemed so proud like a blurred vision for some and sharp for others of an ever-lengthening Priapus moment.  We celebrated each other. I knew her every inch, passionately in touch, smell and the vision and sounds of her writhing in ecstasy.

She had little use for my compassionate masculinity of well lived in BALLS.

She held tightly and kissed perfectly.  She grasped the explosions of my innermost fuckIloveyouandyouknowitastrue.

When she isolated and separated temporarily I got busy for my day like always.  It always worked in the end and at least served as a reminder about keeping on and moving forward no matter what.  In good faith, it didn’t work to take anything to do with her personally.  Both of us did what we thought we wanted to do almost regardless of consequences which got fewer and fewer in keeping our word to ourselves.  Yes, there occurred anger and consternation.  Yes, we argued at lower and lower volume. Yes, we planned better than make up sex.

I got to act like a force field around her vulnerability.  Just presence and appreciation makes it work.

It generates in parts from both of us.

She came through the field with creative action enthralling everyone in various ways.

 

 

 

©humunculero2017

Honesty and Dishonesty

The facts are in – almost everyone acts dishonest at least occasionally.

Seemingly most of it entails situations which don’t have much importance to the individual lying.

So those of us who think we practice complete honesty and transparency may find ourselves from time to time lying or engaging in something not quite transparent. 

The Matrix Experiment found most people will cheat to some extent

https://www.elsevier.com/editors-update/story/publishing-ethics/a-fascinating-experiment-into-measuring-dishonesty

 

“Over 40,000 people, from all walks of life, participated in The Matrix Experiments.

What did we find?

  • On average, people solved four problems but reported solving six.
  • Nearly 70% cheated.
  • Only 20 out of the 40,000 were “big cheaters”, people who claimed to have solved all 20 problems. They cost the experiment $400.
  • We also found more than 28,000 “little cheaters” who cost the experiment $50,000.”

One study has shown up to 60% of people lie

“The study, published in the journal’s June issue, found that 60 percent of people lied at least once during a 10-minute conversation and told an average of two to three lies.”

https://www.umass.edu/newsoffice/article/umass-amherst-researcher-finds-most-people-lie-everyday-conversation

Men and women lie for distinct reasons:

““Women were more likely to lie to make the person they were talking to feel good, while men lied most often to make themselves look better,” Feldman said.”

” “It’s tied in with self-esteem,” says University of Massachusetts psychologist Robert Feldman. “We find that as soon as people feel that their self-esteem is threatened, they immediately begin to lie at higher levels.”

https://www.livescience.com/772-lie.html

So possibly it boils down to self-esteem.  If our self-esteem gets mostly genuine and we practice impeccability with our words, thoughts and actions we might lie a little bit less.  In doing this it gets very helpful to realize while we aim for 100% honesty, the first step of this may come in remaining honest with ourselves and when we discern we have lied to ourselves, stop it at the level of belief and thought so the poison doesn’t flow well from our mouths.  This means non-judgement, positive or negative.  It also means we will do our best to practice feeling loving toward ourselves individually.

In my own life, this provided an opportunity to use honesty to improve my life.  In work, it meant telling the truth about products and services so customers could make their decision based on facts with little embellishment.  It also meant telling my friends and family the truth more consistently.  Mostly I found I had to say less.  I didn’t have to support anyone with false embellishments or unnecessary compliments as making someone feel better about themselves with a lie will sooner or later get discovered and my credibility with them would suffer and the relationship would weaken seriously.

I have looked at my beliefs about myself.  The teachings from parents as a child served as helpful contradictions.  My mother gave me statements about me being a special person with extraordinary talent and ability and my father told me I would never amount to anything unless I learned to work hard for everything and this would start with deprecating statements about my behavior.  I had a lot of shame to overcome and it’s not all gone.  This affords me the opportunity to work with it consistently.

A new belief which helped me had to do with first accepting I had ultimate worth on the eternal scale of value, this served me until the realization came regarding the nonexistence of self.  No self, no self-esteem needed.  This contradicted the pop psychology of its reverse theories.  In this model, all seems connected to doing and actions which come from beliefs, thought, and feelings.  Seemingly we a feedback cyclicity of thoughts producing feelings and behaviors feeding back on prevailing beliefs many of which wound up erroneous.  In changing the beliefs and stopping the limiting thoughts from guiding actions I had to do less to keep myself honest.  It also meant offering less up in unsolicited feedback, something which seemed to prevail in the “meetings” of the twelve-step cult I attended for a couple of decades.  One of the best actions I took had to do with getting away from it and the toxicity in words spoken there, when really the only thing which worked well came from the love in unspoken support.  Knowing I am loved and encouraged to love myself made me feel love for myself and others almost unconditionally.

Since moving on from there I have made beneficial and limiting decisions about my life and I dedicate myself, imperfectly, to improving beliefs, thinking, and behaviors and calling up humble, loving feelings for myself.  Much of this has come in taking better care of my body and general health.  Along the way I have been able to genuinely help some others, giving me more loving feelings in general.

In the ongoing set of conclusions, having a multifaceted set of perspectives helps me to less judgmental conclusions and statements.  Looking at what I say based on observations before I say them – this takes a lot of mindfulness to do it effectively and I have sometimes gone to almost angry extremes to defend my stated perceptions about situations only to have to make amends for the behavior in stopping myself from doing it again and making things right in my best way possible.

Honesty it seems, ought to concern the truth and truth comes from knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt.  Reporting what happened, how I thought and felt seems like about all I can do regarding this.  Mostly, I strive to practice concise brevity as it gets too easy to slip into conjecture and verbose rhetoric.  In the utmost sense it looks like the less I believe about anything, the better as it leaves me more open to varied interpretations and perceptions which may have more objectivity.  If this seems self negating and contradictory, that will turn out a reader perspective.  I tend to characterize it more as a paradox like many other things human.

Everything-we-hear-is-an-opinion-not-a-fact.-Everything-we-see-is-a-perspective-not-the-truth.-Marcus-Aurelius

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

©2017MHumunculero

PLEASE DON’T

agood shot

 

There’s a lot of chatter about Islam and its evils.  Yes, the various sects of this faith have some radical variants which want to impose their rigid way of life on everyone.  When we compare this to radical evangelical Christians and their collateral murderous spin offs we don’t see a lot of differences.  They have all killed about the same amount of people.  I am wondering if the same can be said about Judaism on a proportionate basis.  At any rate, they have incited, mostly involuntarily, evangelicals and inspired radical Islamists to aid or destroy them.  Zionists have an equal part in the “monotheist” paradigm for their level of contribution. 

At any rate, if these religions get widely accepted as mythology and their codes debunked along with the mythologies of other religions – Hinduism and Buddhism are not exempt – we may have a chance to free up humanity long enough to save life on the planet.

That the Abrahamic mythologies affect at least 3.5B people on the planet seems great cause for a rational activism in educating the masses.  The religions are all myth.  There was no Abraham, no Moses, no Solomon, no Jesus, no Mohammed going to heaven – none of this.  Scholars have shown repeatedly that the old Testament is rife with myth until 600BCE and there’s no historic or archeological proof for any of the mythical figures or real historic figures and their mythos.  Most of these religions got established through warfare and the subjugation of peoples and cultures – yes even Buddhism.

This getting stated, can we afford sacred cows in our societies and cultures?  Should we allow ancient, outdated, repressive codes to determine our destiny?  Oddly enough, the erroneous beliefs and thinking have shaped the destiny of our world through a dark and distorted lens which does not practice what it preaches about the sanctity of life and the exaltation of the worth of life on Earth.  I have little wonder at the presence of the apocalyptic beliefs rife in most of the Abrahamic religions and their predecessors.  It looks a like a neurotic, human lemming delusion.  Our species – seeking unconsciously – to extinct itself as another failed species “experiment”.  The natural phenomena of industrialization puking poison into the environment posits this distinct possibility all around us.  If capitalism seems like an outgrowth of industrialized civilization, so far, the system has shown us a clear path to extinction.  These economies rule the world and destroy it as we live and still breathe.

The fact we have thought of numerous solutions to our manifested destiny can give glimmers of a way out toward survival.  Capitalism has it’s uses however, we don’t think runaway consumerism can do anything except destroy us as it seems to already have proved. Should our estimates turn out wrong, it won’t harm us and life on the planet to go to nonpolluting, renewable energies and the production of ecologically sound products and lifestyles.  Maybe we can do as Buckminster Fuller postulated.  Maybe Malthus had a point?  Nonetheless, overpopulation and our current consumptive human world seem the likely root cause of it all.  We really have not shown the significant improvements which will result in our survival and evolution to more adapted levels.  Maybe our collective genomes have reached their endpoint?

On the doomsday timeclock, it we accept the model, we are beyond the 11th hour and must motivate ourselves to act NOW.  We must clean up in many ways.  We must base our economic systems so that small groups of people and families do not control the well-being of our species as they do not have this in mind for the most part and this system stays in epic fail mode.  Greed and selfishness will spell our demise unless opportunity gets created for making the greatest profits ever without prophets.

We all know money must get out of politics.  We know countries don’t run well like businesses and the goals of most corporations and large private businesses do not coincide with the needs of the people who largely support them.  Religion needs to get placed in a recreational category and ought not get taken seriously except to provide a vehicle of transcendence.  We must get united behind our survival and enhancement of life on this planet as we won’t find ourselves able to leave it in time to avoid our extinction.  So, casting aside the divisiveness in “scripture” for the unifying principles which also seem inherent in our species might wind up the best solution.  We can spend our time caring for our planet and hence one another.  We can forge a new destiny other than our imminent demise.  Those who prove the thinking and beliefs causing greed and its irresponsibility will have to get pushed out of the way so we can live on.

It will only work if we can change our pursuit of pleasure into the pleasurable pursuit of our deepest caring for each other.

 

 

©2017mhumunculero

A THREE-FOLD FILTER

In my most existentialist beliefs, I learned to view my “self” (egoistic construct as coping mechanism?) in three relationships.

  1. my relationship to myself

  2. my relationship to others

  3. my relationship to God or divine source

All of this I had pondered as a teenager, who, having massive insecurities, questioned my consciousness and the illusion of existence.  Mahayana Buddhist philosophy seemed a way toward the inner peace of knowing I didn’t exist and nothing was real.  My job seemed about learning and practicing the eight-fold path, in the NOW.  Much of this awareness seemed to come from psychedelic experiences.  In short, the best trips involved the knowing and feeling of connectedness to the fundamental forces which unify the seeming ALL.  Later, in discovering the Eight circuits of consciousness in Leary’s model, it seemed I had bounced between the seventh and eighth circuits in the perceptions of in and out of body experiences, missing a much of the sixth circuit (metaprogramming).

The main divine connection felt like the motherlode of all, the feeling of complete connectedness which started physically and eventually got perceived as “pure” consciousness.  This perception and how it feels remains tangible and at once unfathomable and infinite beyond physical perception.  To label it otherwise seems like a blasphemy except for purposes of illumination.  It can take many forms which can work to model traits, actions and characteristics of various entities in the accomplishment of my purpose.  Finding purpose seemed the fundament, even though the “I” had little idea as such.

I acted in vain to define myself through others and my relations to them.  This reality tunnel mostly failed because I had little purpose and no realization of its presence or formation.  In this my ego gravitated to self-annihilation in a limited set.  This wound up in self-deprecation and self-loathing to the point of the desire to painlessly dissolve and disappear from this world.  This state proved painfully unrewarding.  It seemed like a denial of hedonism giving only frustration, shame, and depressions which seemed unending. Still trapped in the belief telling me intellectual understanding provided a solution and solace little progress occurred.

It must have happened via too much drug use in various combinations this thinking eventually said as the beliefs of parents, professionals and preachers worked as the predominant patterns.  Charismatic Christianity and the attendant nonsense served like a way out of the mess of all of it in my early twenties leaving only too much angst about life.  Finally, it gave way to some lesser materialist viewpoints of those around me and I once again took on the phony embrace of my perception of the American Dream.  My earlier pre-Christian views got submerged beneath the religiosity and my hypocritical practice of it.  Once again, more angst about life.

In my early and mid-thirties, it seemed apparent this way of living did not work well and my obligation to personal responsibilities slipped out the window.  Finally, at thirty-four years old a basic plan emerged.  Get away from the drugs and people who use drugs.  I did it and exchanged that addiction to the cult obeisance of the cult of Narcotics Anonymous.  This I embraced along with intellectual and contrived meditations of the Tao, seen and unseen.  The eight-fold path also got corresponded with the 12 Steps of NA, at first seemingly very open and accepting of other correspondences to the cult.  Fortunately, the most powerful tool in overcoming addiction – peer support worked to knock the malady down and got me to realize the self I had formed previously and presently.  I saw the folly of attempting to discover my “true self” and who I am or had been and the overblown significance in my belief system in those times.  After years of practice in those steps and living the lies of an apologist via tolerating believers, I knew I didn’t have a disease and the “program” as very toxic unless adapted to a more humane, less self-deprecating model.  I sought less and less peer approval in developing self-esteem and began to live my life as I saw fit with confidence.  It took about fifteen to twenty years to realize the program didn’t serve me and I didn’t need to count votes pro or con amongst peers who remained or left the “Program”.  In this a self-got realized and actualized.  I had an identity with less contrivance out of social, professional, and familial acceptability.  I had embarked on a more genuine relationship with myself with less ego traps.

Still, there seemed a great deal of selfishness so I consistently performed unselfish acts.  Some had ulterior motive in a caretaking sense, others out of duty to others, and others still for the joy of doing something unselfishly.

In the mid to late teens, I wanted to depend on others for my view of myself instead of using them as a reflection of my actions and attitude which I grew into later. It seemed to get out of control in my mid-twenties to early thirties due to self-delusions resulting in erroneous perception filters and erratic actions.  I took everything too personally, felt threatened constantly and used my words as poisoned munitions against myself and others – beliefs and behaviors which have taken many years to replace.  Today, still a work in progress.

I have much affection for many friends, family, and lovers.  I attempt to find out what makes them feel loved and if it doesn’t compromise my self-care, I give to them.  It gets a little tough when I engage with people who have behaviors which I tend to take personally so I strive to stay away from those situations and appreciate them at a safe distance.  In my drive to be loved by others, I must pay attention and determine if I am seeking reciprocation from the unwilling and willing yet incapable of it.  Most of my disappointments with others have origins in the latterly so constant vigilance with a minimum, if not devoid of self-judgement seem necessary.

From this value comes in taking care of me so I can serve others and myself in a realization of the all connectedness I feel when out of the self-created anxieties of daily life.

©2017mhumunculero

recovery

recovery

[ri-kuhv-uh-ree] 

Spell Syllables

 

  1. the regaining of or possibility of regaining something lost or takenaway.

 

  1. restoration or return to health from sickness.

 

  1. restoration or return to any former and better state or condition.

 

When we discuss the term in terms of overcoming addiction we know the consensus definition in the majority of addiction “recovery” communities comes from the disease model:

  1. restoration or return to health from sickness.

When many discover addiction is not a disease this term gets erroneous. 

Most will apologize by taking on

  1. restoration or return to any former and better state or condition.

However, this is out of context.

When we return, or move forward to another state from those which occur in addiction it has to do with belief and behavioral modification after detoxification in the case of drugs/alcohol and moderation or abstinence in other behavioral variants like gambling, sex, food, and etc.  Each of which may require a peculiar first strategy.

In moving away from the highly unsuccessful 12 Step model – it’s not attractive to most who have a problem with addiction, mostly having to do with the religiosity involved and the cultist atmosphere in meetings along with the attendant brainwashing.  There are some out of the many who experience addiction whom have had success in overcoming addictions and went on to live productive happy lives.  Most of the data indicates people stop and change on their own without treatment or without a 12 Step program.

The numbers are too woefully small to give great kudos to the Stepper model.  It seems best described as working for some.

Moving beyond the latterly model (I used it for 23 years and found addiction a symptom of erroneous beliefs and traumatic imprints, leaving the value of twelve steps as a superficial fix instead of a complete renovation) I didn’t have a spiritual problem as there was no spirit involved except attitude and the relativism of terms as such had to get cast aside. I had a problem with self-loathing which a God could not change.  It made me want to check out of reality.  I woke up every day hating myself and life, basically staying busy, just to stay busy and getting loaded hoping to somehow make my life bearable.  I had successes more than failures and some very acute “bottoms”.  The reality seemed a chronic depression enhanced by drugs.

Rather than go through the many regimens I worked to get this out of me I can tell you it boiled down to assessing how well I had loved and respected myself and how I would improve it. 

I decided to love myself and my life and over time things changed and got better so if a lapse in my self-care occurred I learned to right myself at some point and experience greater improvement.  To this day, I am still improving not expecting perfection (another erroneous term IMO).

Key in these things, I believe, comes from making a decision and developing a plan to stop, moderate, change behavior and belief, and learn to love and appreciate life.  Practicing the cherishing of ourselves on a consistent, daily basis has given great benefits.  For me the biggest changes came when I decided my attitude had everything to do with my treatment of myself and others.  Not thinking the best or the worst – staying out of judgements of any kind and sticking with impeccable belief, thought, and action patterns and realizing mistakes will be made and new strategies can develop from them.  Productive strategies which give collectively beneficial results.

I have also seen the value of loving support from those who truly love us, no strings attached.  I also believe this has an integral part in conquering addiction and learning to live a life of self-love and appreciation inside an outside this bag of flesh, housing consciousness.

 

©2017mhumunculero

Recover from recovery-a real strategy

ADDICTION IS NOT A PROGRESSIVE, INCURABLE, FATAL DISEASE…MOST PEOPLE OVERCOME IT BY DECIDING TO DO SO…

Rather than therapy(which can help if result oriented, as process oriented is not so effective, is too costly, and takes too long), 12 Step Programs, and of course religion and spirituality.  Here comes a new strategy based on my own habit breaking techniques and those gleaned from others…

This is a basic treatise on this…I may cover each in depth in further blogs…

1.  Garner complete self acceptance without judgment.

this may seem overwhelming for those believing they have little self worth, accepting shaming and guilting from others, and doing lots of self deprecation.  A good technique can have great effect by writing down this problem and how you would advise yourself to get out of it.  Myriad ways that work are easily accessible in free books and on the internet.  Another useful technique is to find friends, associates, and family who care for you and have them tell you your positive character traits while you write them down…you can now make a list of these, stare into the mirror before bed and prefix each with the short phrase-I am-saying them out loud while staring deeply into your eyes…prefix these with the vocalized affirmation…I now completely accept myself without judgment…after this write down how this will cause you to change into a person loving oneself unconditionally

2.  Admit you have a harmful habit-look into it, explore it, write about how this has affected you and what your life will be like without it.

Very important: write out how you will break the habit love yourself and manage your affairs…

3.  Find people who will support you without judgment who will listen to you and only give you feedback when you ask for it.

REMEMBER AVOIDING TAKING ANYTHING PERSONALLY FROM ANYONE AND REALIZE THIS IS ABOUT THEM AND NOT YOU

4.  Learn a form of mindfulness meditation, exercise moderately, adjust to a healthy, toxic free diet—do this in ways that fit and produce beneficial results.

5.  Develop a completely new lifestyle away from the addiction supporting lifestyle. 

Write down what the old life was like and how your new life will reflect new beliefs, behaviors, thinking patterns, and a supportive environment.  Walk through this in the future from successful behaviors yourself or even others you identify with have used to make great success in this, even when you practiced the old addiction habit.  In practice of the new beliefs and behaviors give ourselves kudos and accolades whenever we have made progress…take stock of the progress and add to it in developing more productive future outcomes.

6.  Take complete responsibility for all actions, feelings, thoughts, beliefs at all times.

Remember, you probably chose addiction, now you choose to overcome it and create new beneficial patterns away from it..  You don’t need the drugs and self destructive behaviors even though they may seem useful survival patterns.  In doing this there comes FREEDOM from self destructive concepts.  Addiction, while it may cause pathology is in itself, haa never been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt a bonafide disease in and of itself and steer clear of the erroneous, destructive concepts claiming it as such.  They’re not good metaphors either.  Self affirm in the mirror everyday.

Create emotional and physical boundaries which you do not allow encroachment upon and reinforce, especially with family…you can love them from afar. 

Also:  REMEMBER THIS WHEN DEALING WITH NOT TAKING THINGS PERSONALLY...

 

WHAT I THINK, WHAT I FEEL, WHAT I DO OR DON’T DO IS ABOUT ME NOT YOU.

AND

WHAT YOU THINK, WHAT YOU FEEL, WHAT YOU DO OR DON’T DO IS ABOUT YOU, NOT ME…

 

REMEMBER YOUR HAPPINESS AS A STATE…CALL UP THAT STATE NOW…INCREASE IT…STEP BACK OUT OF IT…STEP BACK IN INCREASE THE STATE AND ANCHOR IT WITH A GESTURE OR A VISUALIZATION ON THE WAY TO ITS ZENITH…REPEAT SEVERAL TIMES.  STEP OUT DO SOMETHING UNRELATED AND MAKE THE GESTURE…TEST AGAIN AND AGAIN REPEAT THE ABOVE STEP UNTIL YOU CAN BE HAPPY ANYTIME YOU DESIRE…

More on this shit later…

Water drops on green leaf
Water drops on green leaf

Appreciations

“God fucking damn it!” It came out as a scream at the top of his lungs. He looks again at the leaf pattern in the teacup.
She keeps laughing, “Your fifteen seconds of fame are about to come to an end!”

His face got more and more so crimson in the bright light flooding through the bay windows of their home. They’d bought and paid for everything they owned free and clear with revenue from their creativity, joint and separate. He has a great deal of pride in this. She loves what she does and the work they do together, and the ways in which he works as a solid force of appreciation, present so very consistently. She believes in him and the beauties of what he does. These appreciations go beyond their attraction for each other which by the way have not waned over the years.
He doesn’t like changes not going his way and now the paradigm of his work has come to an impasse which probably necessitates a complete redesign.

No longer angry, his silence has turned to rage.

“Fucking sales of my work have dropped! Why have I lost my popularity in the market? What do you think partner? Does your input in our collaborations keep us buoyed with good revenues there?”
She looked at him with a strength of affection, “Maybe we ought to look at reviews and see what the deterrent seems to be?”

He went a little white in the face and his expression sank looking like shame. “Maybe I haven’t got it on my own anymore. Maybe it’s just the synergy between us which works.”

She smiled lovingly, “No dear. Maybe we need to wait until we have a factual basis before you evaluate. I think your reactions come from hurt feelings and you can be more understanding and compassionate looking in this mirror.”
“You’re so smart and loving not to mention my preference in womanly beauty…”

She wrapped her arms around him from the side and kissed his left cheek and neck. He knew her and support remained strong as ever.

After some surveys and days. He went into meditation and divinations. They gave the messages he had to change to survive and he ought to find some more creative ideas he like which might appeal.

It was 1130pm, he awakened to her kisses and caresses. Inspired they made love and fucked until past three. She fell asleep. He went into the studio with words and riffs. He got started and it felt purposeful.

 

©2017mhumunculero

GODZ N BEARS

Hungry like the spring awakened bear am I,

Fed long through the night on the fat of your landing,

Aimed at the self-hate and deprecation of the shame collected,

A target laid to rest in an old world holiday of dead matrons,

Leftover roadkill from the worst of the chivalrous age,

Believing men are worshippers of the narcissistic and immature of women bled,

Devotees of lost dreams and fantasies at once fulfilled and discarded,

Unable to castrate the King of Bears and Alpha Doggers

 

Try as she would whilst her flesh I pounded in not taking these tirades so personal,

She moved out my doors to psychics and impotent old men who’d lap up the droppings of her dysfunction in families of dissed order,

To her sister, blistered and left enslaved,

unrescued,

Lost in her own dysfunctional peasant dream,

Oh how this Bear left that to conjugate a mother bear and left to find Freya with a new Emerald necklace,

My blue cape furling around me and my biggish hat rakish over the eyeless socket seeing from the bottoms of the well of Wyrdnesses,

Yes I am a monster of love delivered as promised, functional and far away from this would be, half dead, aged princess,

Deluded by ghosts of regret and missing the dead without acceptance.

The lower half of life with little joy has gone from me in an instant,

Decided and chosen by love for myself,

Away from those cortisol stressors and depressors

And adrenal exhaustive poor health,

Watching the fooled young, making premature future, spawning the innocents into a dying world,

Yea, I have crossed the abyss and the bifrost bridges, shaking ice from my furs, keeping sharp of claw and tooth for new love,

Fierce and tender,

Baited and well breathed,

Mated sevenfold to the maidens of Diana…

 

 

 

©2012 mhumunculero

The gratitude of loving in sex and otherwise

 

In my college years I aimed my curriculum at Veterinary Medicine.  I pursued what my parents wanted for me.  I didn’t chase my dreams – writing, art and photography.  I had an education trust. School (ASU) was cheap like $160.00 /semester and books.  However, I had to live so the trust gave me a nice little stipend and I went to school for six and a half years including graduate school.  It was a complete paradigm flip from art to science and I did it and loved a lot of the knowledge and direct laboratory experience.  My inheritance bought me a new, in 1972, Datsun 240Z for transport and I drove the piss out of it for eleven years.  I drove ninety on the freeway everywhere.  We had KDKB, the cutting edge underground station and KJZZ and I had a cassette player in there so I was tuned.  I still aspired to be the best front man Phoenix turned out ever and didn’t even own a microphone.  Deep inside me I had what I believed was unresolvable emotional pain so relationships with friends and women were tough. 

I craved the deepest connection with a woman and yet when awesome women presented themselves I would have great sex with them and distance the next day.  During a two year period, four women proposed to me.  They were all highly valuable people with excellent integrity and made something of their lives inside and out.  I kept myself from getting what I dreamed of having because of a weird, depressive self-hate.  I used inordinate amounts of chemicals, hoping they’d make me feel better and my whole emotionality seemed like a gloomy toilet full of misgivings which didn’t flush.  Every so often I would meet some woman who totally cleaned my clock and I somehow doomed myself out of her.  Some of these women I am still friends with today.  I love them with the intensity of any partner and have no desire to fetter them to me.  It’s very fulfilling to have love with no possessiveness and unconditional friendship which could easily be sexual again and has been upon occasion.  I have fully realized long ago how we live and die alone and it’s natural even though there is this connectedness we all feel.  No persons, regardless of their physical connections will stay joined.  It’s all ephemeral gone like life goes – a moment at a time. 

_______________________________

It has taken years of work on myself, experiential, writing and answering self help, self esteem questions.  Also, a great deal of interactive work with others in self development trainings and best of all NLP training, workshops, and clinical.  Today, I am opened fully, sometimes it seems too fully, expecting better out of those who do worse.  In retrospect, it’s all paid off, one way or another.

_____________________________

Many times when I am having very connected sex with a woman I have a profound sense of joy similar to our emotional and intellectual connections we experience privately and socially.  These, to me, posit as my most favorite experiences.  They are unparalleled journeys into sustained bliss.  I feel her giving to me with her affections and I surrender fully to them in very receptive ways, allowing myself to fully appreciate the giving and the pleasures I experience.  I give to her in such a way and she responds deeply, passionately and in her sustained orgasming.  The appreciation I have for her in these ways gives me great fulfillment in the creating of pleasure – part of my life’s purpose.

To you whom we have the pleasures of enjoyment now, before and sooner rather than later, I salute you and what you do and what we will give to each other sustained in the eternity of the moments making this life.

 

 

©2016mhumunculero

The Stars inside you…

 

 

help me

“Help me help her, she’s in convulsions. She is saying strange names.  Her eyes are rolling back in her head. Greenish foam spews from her mouth.  Her heart is pounding too fast and too hard, I am scared I will lose her.”

He changed his frequency to this distress call.

He could hear it and see it in an information code in his mind’s eye.  He hoped for video since he did not trust her or the friend.  The friend’s style seemed like a variation of her own.

“She’s possessed and from what she’s told me of you, I don’t trust you.  I don’t know what to do…”

“Tell me your location I will come and get her!”

“No, I don’t know what you will do…”, this tone seemed too familiar.

“From what she tells me, you are a controlling old lecherous pig.  You want to rule her and restrict her!  You remind me of so many she has gotten with previously!”

“You don’t know me so how can you state this without direct knowledge?”

“She looks like she’s going into a coma, what will I do?”

The tone felt frantic and yet to some extent contrived.

“Help me I don’t know what to do…”

_____________________________________________________________________

 

Once upon a construct of a relative timeline through a wormhole in a meta-galactic garden where star flowers grow and seed through black holes an Old Bluish Star came to settle in an orbit off its black hole portal path.

The garden, if humans would see it might look so much like the best tended gardens of Earth.  The energy visions we’d see seemed like these flowers, shrubs, trees and grasses grew in unison and separated themselves to a kind of coexistence which allows their stellar presences.

Sometimes the Stellar flowers established a space where their protoplanets would form upon their placement in a galactic cluster of planet forming star systems.

In one of these star plots a beautiful Star consistently bloomed in great radiance.  Decidedly by our human terms this star had a meta feminine nature birthing planets and at full bloom coalescing with smaller gaseous proto stars to bloom larger and more luminous on all spectral levels.

Now, the Old Star had experienced and caused many transformations over the aeons as a progenitor and survivor of ultra stellar chaos.  So much a fractal of multi-dimensional proportion it seemed.  He had stellar consciousness.  A consciousness so vast we humans sense it as an immense current of energy or closer still, a great continuous stream of information manifesting in intersections with others of various proportions across the multiverse.

So now the dialog begins in emanations we’ll attempt to translate:

“Such a fine set of moments is beginning.  Your beauty seems blinding in the dalliance of now.”

She stopped him, “Who seem you to speak, Old Star?  You who has travelled through much of it in the now.  You who’ve known so many of great stellar import and brilliance.  Why bother with us in our harmonious journey in this ever changing garden…WHY?”

“And of course, as you smile in waves at me, you know it not meant to bother. I…”

She interrupted, “You came to join with me, exchange our content and intent without formal invitation or some other to introduce us.  Naturally, Old Star, we feel suspicious of your almost aggressive intrusion.”

He had to turn up his output volume, “Please your majesty.  I have meant to pay homage to your beauty and despite my usual discretions for approach I have found myself a bit bold and intent upon you.  When I sensed you on my travel through these regions, I had no idea I would want to make an introduction and propose an exchange…”

She interjected more forceful now, “You want to starfuck me, admit it.  It’s an acceptable request.  I can see some of the benefit I might have. However, dear old handsome mass of Mega Star God this seems a bit out of context in the haste of your approach.”

She paused and he returned, “Goddess of starblooming please beg my indulgence.  I can see your complete knowledge of our possible merger and exchange.  You seem frightened by the magnitude of it somehow…”

Again she interrupts, “You old fiery gasbag!  I want nothing more than to absorb you and have you adsorb and absorb my manifestations.  The first taste of intention drives me to stellar panic, I fear Supernova…”  She began something akin to what we’d interpret as a stellar hyperventilation, another pause for him to speak again.

 

“Please allow me to calm your fears and rest awhile in the best radiance of my ardor for you.  It will cause you feeling at ease…”.

She did calm down and let him settle on her with an almost blue and invisible shine, “Ohhh I could love you and call you Master.  You are so handsome!”, she would tell him this over and over as they basked in each other and she could feel love from him appreciating her and radiating his presence.

Then came a gaseous starcloud of great tumult.  The kind of raw, powerful energies and proto information which can cause stellar drunkenness in these bodies.

So in her fascination and confusion she consumed and her innermost desires manifested.  She invited him, “Come into this space.  Let’s mix…”

He moved in and hesitated since she seemed more like she would consume him giving him great bite wounds on a level which will destroy star systems.

“Ohhh, you Old gasser…you burn with blue fires which start star birthings and cause them in multiple regions…you feel like so much more than just an Old Blue giant!”, she stargasmed and whimpered in multiple forms and spectra after an almost what seemed an infinite pause like the space and peace of darkness, he started up, “Tell me beautiful what you want and want of me…don’t hold back.”

“I want to be owned by the right Master.  A true master I can love and will bloom love for with every emanation.  Would you, will you, OWN me?” she fawned as only a blooming star femme can.

“Yes, I will own you!”  A bluish stellar plasma oozed out of him onto her and they played and played.

She slipped through an invisible black hole and seemed gone from the garden and the Old Star wondered at this…was it natural disorder in the mix or did she leave to something else?

He naturally let go however, it did not last for the taste, feel, and enjoyment of her had no parallel.  He had exchanged and loved many other great stellar entities of her nature and most of them called to him through the wormholes with reverence and appreciation coming from his reverence and appreciation of each of them.  She seemed to have some extra draw to her…something he had not experienced the similarity of for the passage of much radiance and journeying through these star pathways.

He allowed most of his multiplicity of selves to long for her. 

The assumption of ownership came and he allowed it to compel him to have her and completely own her when the reality as such only gave him ownership in the previous shared moments.

Meanwhile she had come upon some fringe gardens, wearing themselves thin in another sector and in her drive to shine and dally any and every one with her pulses and radiance she lost track of her statements and promises.

A communication came through the ethers, “I have come upon my starmate, a little white star like a fairy twinkle.  She loves me and seems very protective…”

Really she had come back to her old system where a red dwarf pulsed just enough brilliance to keep her interest.  The Old Star sensed this entity and found it of low consumptive value with little possibility of exchange.

At one point the red boy contacted the Old Star, “We need to talk about my Star girl, uh, my ex star girl…”

“There’s nothing to talk about RedBoy.  She’s told me all about you.  How you’ve fed and drained and bruised her core…”

“Yes, but you don’t know what she’s done to me!!”

His tone felt jealous and possessive and unfortunately the Old Blue took some of it personally as he felt like he had come to her aid against this perpetrator.

“If you had maturity (the RedBoy had been in some star cluster fucks beyond his control which left him distressed and hallucinating) you’d have moved on from her.  I recommend you do it now to save yourself an early implosion…”

“Oh wait, don’t shut me out.  You don’t understand…” like there might be a subplot.

 Yes, the subplot seemed in effect from day one.  She had come to the Old Star’s region to get away from RedBoy and keep him on the string.  The tension they generated for one another gave her consumptive energy and slowly drained him to his self immolative tendency.  He wanted to fade out she had disappointed him so much.  Yet the tension she created excited him and caused him to flare with pleasures.  Pleasure which feels healthy and in actuality drains him to disordered consciousness.

She again felt aware of this RedBoy communicating with the Old Star and blurted, “Don’t talk to him, he’s crazy, I hate him…”

“What does he want to tell me.  Why did he get hold of me if you have ended it with him?”

“He still has some energies I gave I want back…”

“Why they might have too much of him in them.  Since he has a sinister nature toward you, why do you want them?”

“They feel familiar and comfortable.  He has good qualities.”

“Yes my star blossom.  So why don’t you see if you can work things out and not waste my time.”

“No, I hate him.  I don’t want to stay with him.”

The Old Star would play this one out, maintaining personal security while seeing the direction of our Stellar Flower and the trail of events she deposits on the timeline.

 

 

To be continued…

 

©2016MondoHumunculero

 

Enough

Enough


We live moment to moment. 

Each of us has all or most of the tools we need to make ourselves happy in almost any moment.

Even in the face of death some have faced it happily with a smile.

We may have opportunities to cultivate happiness from tools gathered in life experiences and trainings. 

The ruse comes in believing we actually exist and have a posited being.  We take action.  Our bodies and the chemistry which makes our cells, organs, tissues and bodily systems act and have a constant motion.  We move on a moving object in a moving system which has a connected part to all other moving systems we perceive.  In some great senses of all of this we realize our significance and insignificance.  We sometimes get glimpses of newly – in our perception as individuals – synthesized reality tunnels and this spurs something commonly called imagination, which consequently seems to make new reality tunnels or fantasies of possible realities we might experience.

The delusion comes in the self-deprecation coming from confusing identity with its progenitor – PURPOSE.

We’ve had enough of getting told our existence has some ulterior meaning other than living life to its fullest in the moment.  Some seem to have so much concern in a never proven afterlife they miss out on many of life’s pleasurable and rewarding experiences.  Their prayers to a mythical deity or deities only find an answer in cause and effect and random occurrences, yet the satisfaction it brings those praying and sometimes those who know they have gotten prayed for seems to fuel their erroneous beliefs as such.

By the time most individuals reach the age of 35 their actions and responses are 95% determined in the subconscious.  Thus we act out of ingrained sets of beliefs, thinking, feelings, and experiences from our past.  To adapt and change and find greater strategies we may have to break out of these programmed actions.  First we will have to sensually experience occurrences.  Since most of our memories are changed everytime we remember them, purposely living in the moment and having great awareness of the stimuli coming into us with a more objective perception trained to immediately filter out the canned responses of the nostalgic identity many of us believe actually exists as a solid form intransigent, despite widespread information to the contrary.

As we train ourselves to recognize our programmed responses we can gain a healthy skepticism about the world we live in and the judgements our minds give us whilst actually perceiving an event.

As we have done this, we’ve noticed less repetitive behaviors.  We actually got overly familiar with eras and their genre.  Defining and living in Purpose gives a clearly shaped identity with beliefs and values generating behaviors and creating a beneficial environment.  My purpose got elucidated and I create power and pleasure, very simply so living my live in the chunked up versions of those terms…Power does not mean over others.  It encompasses wealth and health and emotional intelligence and connecting meaningfully with others.

We remind ourselves to aspire to and achieve excellence while discarding perfectionism and perfectionists.

We will not take judgements and criticisms personally as they come from others and not ourselves.  We will not assume anyone to have our same set of beliefs and values.  We will focus and do our best in as many areas as possible, keeping track of efforts and results.

Wilder Side Rider

“Goddamn it there’s too many things I don’t like about this time of year.”

Aaron looked at his longtime friend thinking, “Oh no, not the complaining again.”

“Fuck it. I’m going to enjoy myself despite all the shit.” He stared at the ceiling instead of rolling his eyes. He pulled a long draught of the sweet, room temperature stout, his mind wandering as it hit his gut…” Wish this was mead!”

“I know a place where the mead is perfect Tolland. Some pretty hot nordic-german looking women serving it too…”

“What the fuck, it’s the longest night of the year. People are a little festive. Perhaps some gal will take pity on an old smart ass thrall like me? By Odin’s beard and the swell in my organs let’s hope so!”

“We’ve been to the Long Ships before. Remember? That Helga looking woman accosted you in the parking lot…”

“Yeah, I remember. My back was fucked up for a week. She rode me hard and put me away wet…”

Aaron laughed, “I’ll bet it was wet!”

“Fuck it’s always good…maybe she’ll be there again…”
His mind drifted again. So many people had died this year, hell, in the last three years. Fucking depressing shit. Tolland was feeling his own mortality.

“Hell, we don’t live forever. We might as well enjoy ourselves as much as possible on the way to our death.”

They paid the tab and strode out of the bar. Big men, they looked like Viking strong men with trimmed beards and hair…Tolland, blonde with red beard and Aaron brown haired and blue eyed, over six five.
Along the way the roadway had a low fog on it with a mist. The full moon was casting shadows from the forest lining the highway. Tolland could swear he saw spectral figures darting across the road…

“Goddamn it Aaron, why is it I hallucinate when I drink?”

“Tolly, I am seeing some weird shit too, like ghosts darting across the roadway and I have only had two beers…”

“Yeah! What’s going on with this…fucking Christmas anyway huh?”

“Luckily the bar has a good shuttle service to the hotel on Grand. We may need it tonight…”

“Shit I hope Helga takes ME home, Aaron…”

They half-assed parked the dual cab pickup, taking up two spaces. The tavern looked pretty full from the state of the parking lot. As they walked up to the entrance they could hear Swedish Death Metal powerfully booming out of the building. The first band was done. Second band due to come on.

“Fuck Aaron, you didn’t tell me there was a show here tonight…that fucks up my drinking. How am I supposed to talk to women?”

“Shit, Tolly. You don’t say much anyway, it’s mostly nonverbal…”

As they entered there was an empty booth beside the bar which had some great looking women lining it. Tall, Nordic and Germanic looking with ample figures with flowing dresses like robes almost…

“Shit Aaron! Is this a drinking hall for a Viking chief or what?”

On the walls there was different art from the last time they were there…the paintings depicted scenes of Viking raiding parties and from the Norse myths.
“Damn, are you sure this is the same bar, dude?”

In the far corner, back of the club opposite the entrance, some pale, glowing figures sat at a long table downing big steins of ale or beer or maybe it was mead. All of them had dead looks on their faces which looked fuzzy to both men.
Soon one of the servers approached. She was about five ten in flat shoes, almost platinum blonde with light blue eyes. Her ample breasts pushed up from the crew necked top and bodice she was wearing with flowing skirt above the knees, showing off long athletic legs.

“Hi guys what can I getcha besides a clone of myself for your pleasure?” She winked and smiled so big the guys couldn’t help but grin back at her…

“Well Brunhilde, you can bring us two horns of mead to start and tell those gals at the bar to turn around and smile.”

They noticed in that far corner, a tall, very feminine figure in an iridescent emerald gown turning her long, wavy, red hair framed face toward them to give them a potent stare and begin doing a slinky, yet subtle approach toward them.

“Damn Tolly, you ever see a redhead that pretty?”

Tolly gulped hard, almost choking, “No dude, it hurts to look at her…”

She paused to stop at the bar to talk to two other gorgeous women who reminded Tolly of modern day Valkyries. The mead arrived with a saucy wink from Brunhilde.

“Well Brunhilde, weren’t you going to offer to bring us something else?”

“Hey big fella, how’d you know my name? I might just have to collect you after you pass out tonight…”

Aaron contained his laughter and grinned back, “No honey, we wouldn’t want you to have too much fun by taking advantage of the situation would we?”

“I won’t guarantee your safety darlin’”, she walked away rocking her hips and making his loins surge with blood.

“Oh shit, that’s too fuckin’ funny A-Ron!”, Tolly was about to drop to the floor…

The redhead was on them now…

Tolly almost had to lower his head…damn, she looked like his idealization of Freya. He’d always told himself if he was religious, he’d be an Odinist for sure…a shamanic priest.
She came up right next to him, facing his knee with her hips and laid a hand on his shoulder. “I have been waiting for you to get this long night started…”
He downed the mead, which by the way, was served in a large drinking horn.

“Aaron, here’s to the longest night of the year, the best mead around, and a very pretty goddess to be sure…” He just now noticed she was wearing highly polished, yet rough cut, emeralds, set in heavy gold chain…ancient looking, probably if genuine, priceless.

“For shits and giggles, your name is Tolly, right? You can call me Freya.”
She began to phosphoresce in greenish gold a black aura around this. She pressed against him, he could not help but spread his knees and turn into her. She embraced him and lightly kissed his lips and his neck…” You smell great, like cucumbers.” She rubbed inside his thigh and found him grown to meet her.

“Ahhhh, we must save this for later.” She sat down and Brunhilde arrived with more mead and a special jeweled horn for Freya. Tolly felt puzzled. He was thinking in some weird, old language. He muttered out loud. She answered him and he knew what she meant…something about riding with her in the cold dark night in the moonlight on steeds with hounds chasing something supernatural through the air.

“Raise your horns my lords! Let us toast!”

“To this Winter Solstice and the beauty of this cold dark night.” Aaron all but blurted. Freya flushed and smiled, pounding her mead, very goddess like.

“To these old Gods resurrected, come with me to pull the souls of heroes slain in battle and the poor spirits dead otherwise as we ride through the night skies…”

The mead was gone again and Brunhilde arrived again with more and a troll music band began to play some hypnotic folk metal in the background. Tolly’s right eye went dark suddenly for the room and started giving him views of scenes far away from the bar. The toasting continued for quite some time and Freya and Brunhilde kept calling Aaron Herne. The blond kept stroking his lap and got him in a full tent pitch.

“Come my lords, let us go outside to take a ride now…” Freya was up, getting them off their stools, pushing them toward the door.

As they walked outside, everything went black and Tolly found himself in a long, blue cloak and a wide brimmed hat. He was astride a strange mount, it had multiple legs and a horse’s head and body. Freya mounted a sleigh, drawn by two, gigantic, big as horses, wild boars. She cracked her bullwhip and they all took off. Brunhilde riding Aaron’s Herne cock, flying him through the air trailing Freya and her boar drawn sleigh and preceded by Tolly/Odin on Slepneir, all of them following airborne hounds into the night skies.

They soared into the suburbs over rooftops collecting the spectres of the dead who added to the baying of the houndswoden-wild-hunt

Tolland felt a serious squinching of his mind by the presence of the Allfather’s death consciousness. He felt as though he was getting ridden while flying. Ridden through the abyss. He was feeling the doom of those spirits drawn into the ride. Some of them were road killed in traffic accidents. He could feel their moments of death and the realizations of life leaving their bodies and their spirits left to hover or wander or lay quieted. Also sucked up were the spirits of people from unsolved murders, some tortured by their tormentors. Now they would make a pass over some of the murderers, heinously murdering their consciousness while still alive and sucking their ability to stem the pain of this. The worst feeling of all were the suicides and overdose victims who must be consumed. As the ride continued the spectres joined the train like procession through the night sky, occasionally sensed by a sensitive empath while dreaming these all become horrific nightmares of terrifying death.
Tolland and the other possessed shouted and screamed the terrors of the dead so that it sounded like an eerie howling of high winds to the untrained observer. Now they would sweep over hospitals and take those close to death and on life support.
“Aieeeeeeeee, James! What is happening? Arrghhhh!!”

He was driving into her, perfect rhythm, they’d been together many pleasurable nights…

“Fuck me…”, he gurgled as the talons reached into the bedroom through the ceiling and tore him apart while still in her, his upper torso lifted up, pulverized, thrown aside like ground offal. The claws ripped off her head…the spirit ether drawn up into the maelstrom above…she screamed, “James! Oh no! I lovvvee youuuuuu…. aieeeeee!!!!”

It was later now, maybe 330am, Sleipnir, the boar sleigh, and Brunhilde/Herne descended back to the parking lot, covered in blood and entrails.

“Come Aesir King, couple with me now.”
Freya had Tolly in her grasp, bloodied and semi-conscious. She half carried him to her car, a late model, black Corvette. He passed out in the seat until they arrived at her home. A beautiful, three storied brownstone deep in the city. She was so seductively beautiful, even covered in blood…

She led him staggering through the front door into great room and hallway to a large master bedroom at the end. She went into the shower in the bathroom on the left side of the room. He joined her and they washed the blood from each other. He loved the way the blood had made her skin slick to the touch. He licked her lightly and kissed her curves and under breasts. She found his face and pulled it to hers, fastening her lips to his tender and wet, tongue darting into his mouth open to receive. She took the initiative like no other had ever done before her. Tolly felt a deep connection with himself through her love making. Her presence was emotionally, sexually, and energetically staggering. He wanted to meet her kisses, bites, scratches, caress and sucking…she pushed him back down and took a deep breath, his cock in her hands waiting for her mouth. He closed his eyes.

“Elskhugi, slaka, láttu mig ríða þér…“, sounded like some old Viking language.

He let out a huge sigh of relaxation.

“Yes, yes my man.” She whispered huskily in between gulping, licking, jacking and tonguing his cock.

“Oh yes, fuck yes…” He kept relaxing and his dick kept expanding almost painfully. It felt amazing. He felt his mind transported to another place outside his body, or did it seem his mind was always outside the body? Now the illusion of separation was over. He felt her mind and consciousness. Other minds and consciousness seemed to surround them. Hers seemed more expanded and voluminous than the others directly around them. Sizing it would seem erroneous as it was more about presence than measuring characteristics. The presence of her seemed to pulse and emanate. She enveloped him in this set of realms. Their information mixed and spewed out a combination of them as a type of communication bridge.

To be continued?

©2015mhumunculero

Faith or fate?

One more useless easy to discard noun:

 

faith

noun \ˈfāth\

: strong belief or trust in someone or something

: belief in the existence of God : strong religious feelings or beliefs

: a system of religious beliefs

plural faiths

\ˈfāths, sometimes ˈfāthz\

Full Definition of FAITH

1

a :  allegiance to duty or a person :  loyalty

b (1) :  fidelity to one’s promises (2) :  sincerity of intentions

2

a (1) :  belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) :  belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion

b (1) :  firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) :  complete trust

3

:  something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially:  a system of religious beliefs <the Protestant faith>

on faith

:  without question <took everything he said on faith>

 

Oh we must protest here!

Firstly, we have thrown out trust; baby, bathwater and all!

We can only go on a person’s reliability. When they give their word to do something, do they keep it and how consistently it happens.

Most atheists I have encountered-there have been hundreds-attempted God and religion to no avail. No amount of praying and openmindedness reveal a God who had their back. On a good day, some folks showed up to help and usually the person got their strategy together and succeeded. Other times no amount of faithful practice and belief resulted in a desired outcome…why? There IS NO GOD except the bullshit in your head.

Certainly there is no Judeo-Christian(lol, previously demonstrated as an erroneous term), Abrahamic God. No Jesus ever existed

( www.jesusneverexisted.com ).

Have no faith in the Lord, except below my belt line when I love you my dear. For he is the Lord of the night and pleasure and the true strength of the flesh!!!

The Lord of the Old and New Testaments is a mixed bag, really a mish mosh of Old Mesopotamian deities and Hellenistic and Egyptian dying gods. All a contrivance. Maybe good for some old fashioned hijacking of entity workings…most of which will not find its way into the minds of the muggles. All bullshit contrived for your paternal yearnings.

So much of this garbage is extolled by women, sometimes I think it’s their daddy complex and their wanting to be saved by someone. Oh my princess, await my coming to your rescue.

So let’s dispense with faith maybe except- b (1)fidelity to one’s promises (2) :  sincerity of intentions.

 

Enough written about this shit. And I mean no insult to shit, which does have good use sometimes.

 

fate

noun \ˈfāt\

: a power that is believed to control what happens in the future

: the things that will happen to a person or thing : the future that someone or something will have

This one gets me wondering…

The first one is kinda scary and may have some roots in faith, especially in a negative intent.

Maybe the second one has more plausibility?

Maybe it’s something to get experienced after the acceptance of faith and a God toilet of predestination?

Maybe it’s just another bullshit term best rooted in dismissal?

Certainly if we dismiss faith we may not consider our fates after the fact????

Spirituality?

 

Spirituality?

 

Oi, I find I must consult various definitions:

 

Merriam-Webster:

: the quality or state of being concerned with religion or religious matters : the quality or state of being spiritual

Okay? Bizarre origins of the
world’s most recognized word. »

 

plural spir·i·tu·al·i·ties

Full Definition of SPIRITUALITY

1

:  something that in ecclesiastical law belongs to the church or to a cleric as such

2

:  clergy

3

:  sensitivity or attachment to religious values

4

:  the quality or state of being spiritual

See spirituality defined for English-language learners

 

Wikipedia:

 

There is no single, agreed-upon definition of spirituality.[1][2][note 1] Surveys of the definition of the term, as used in scholarly research, show a broad range of definitions, with very limited similitude.[3]

It may denote almost any kind of meaningful activity[4][note 2] or blissful experience.[6] It denotes a process of transformation, but in a context separate from organized religious institutions, termed “spiritual but not religious“.[7] In modern times the emphasis is on subjective experience.[8] Houtman and Aupers suggest that modern spirituality is a blend of humanistic psychology, mystical and esoteric traditions and eastern religions.[9]

And finally, something from a web page:

What Is Spirituality?

http://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/enhance-your-wellbeing/purpose/spirituality/what-spirituality

Spirituality is a broad concept with room for many perspectives. In general, it includes a sense of connection to something bigger than ourselves, and it typically involves a search for meaning in life. As such, it is a universal human experience—something that touches us all. People may describe a spiritual experience as sacred or transcendent or simply a deep sense of aliveness and interconnectedness…”
To me, this term is overused and too generalized to have any real meaning other than a trashy abstraction.

When I went to 12 Step meetings (23 years with great consistency) in the Narcotics Anonymous (NA) fellowship, the water of meaning got terrifically cultist MUDDY. Over the years I had some people tell me I was a very spiritual person and yet I was-in my last ten years there-an avowed atheist. I finally came out against the theistic nature of the “Steps” and their, in my experience and the experience of many I encountered who’d left “the Program”-great lack of efficacy. The only real results from them I got came from common sense rational thinking appearing like bits of corn in the shit members called literature…unfortunately, the dysfunctional inheritance of cult belief obtained from Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) make many view these writings as some form of scripture, inspired by “GOD”, a power greater than ourselves found in the steps which arrests addiction and heals addicts from their “shortcomings”. Commonality in these erroneous-for the most part-beliefs creates the sense of connectedness between addicts which makes some of them think a loving, caring God has something to do with this when actually it may really come from people and their sense of human values known, I think, in those circles as spiritual principles. However, the cultist obeisance enforced by self-deprecating beliefs rooted in the Calvinist style adherence to Original Sin which came from AA ruin any possibility of broad appeal on a rational, factual level.

On a larger scale we see the search for the meaning of life from the philosophical concept which posits that humans are born “good”. This has spawned numerous religiosities and New Age practices which have little value except, IMO, to break away from. The real value here comes from learning the ability to create one’s own meaning by splicing various techniques and practices from religious and “spiritual” regimens.

On a magical level, I find religions and “spiritualities” abhorrent when they breed a cultist mentality. This is not to negate the value of adopting a paradigm as such and finding full immersion in it to glean mastery of the useful techniques there for use in synthesis of the magical operator’s magical tool box.

I have found more value in a temporary full immersion in beliefs and techniques, using them to synthesize innovative, new paradigms to obtain results contributing to the overall purpose of the operator. In this sense, spirituality is just another set of religious paradigms which may or may not have any usefulness.

Belief in a God or Gods when concretized may create a blind adherence to unrealistic ideals and beliefs which may create problems in the world due to the abandonment of rational practical problem solving and solutions strategies.

Along these lines we find a preoccupation with the term “soul”. Once again, I think, is a set of nebulous interpretations having little use when abstracted into a consensus generalization for use in religions and cults.

On a good day we may, at some point, technology permitting, redefine and rename this to represent some seemingly immortal information stream or “ocean of consciousness” devoid of individual human egos. Perhaps there may occur an energy or information stream to which the ALL finds an ever-present interconnectedness. I have always liked the concept of KIA and the spark, the inherent life force, which may or may not be akin to Manna or the connectedness which seemingly is the cosmic glue holding it all together.

Then again all this may wind up abstractions in the limited views produced by human perceptions of “reality”.

 

More to come…

 

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