If only(LOL)

da touch

If only we would have watched the sun come up that one last time,

 

If only the scent of flowers would have reached our noses as the most fragrant smell ever tasted,

 

If only we can actually hear what we say to each other,

 

If only we would have seized the opportunity to know and to love each other in a most special and endearing set of ways,

 

If only we could have considered those other sets of choices for decisions we made,

 

If only we would have learned what it was like to feel loved and to know what made us feel loved,

 

If only we would have seized the opportunities in front of us and seen them as opportunities instead of solutions to problems,

 

If only in this moment and in every moment, we choose to cherish the special, beautiful moments life brings,

 

If  only we can now stop tolerating apologists in any form and meet them with fields of fact,

If only the apathetic in the land of quit will awaken from the trance of narcissisms and inaction to stand with a more universal set of values in loving consensus,

If only we wouldn’t have to turn ourselves into solutions and we could keep ourselves in a gaseous state, not believing in much not worrying about anything. Only moving forward believing that the best possibilities will go beyond the worst outcomes…

 

 

 

 

 

 

©mhumunculero2017

 

 

swirly

Coffee, coffee and devil’s cake too…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

amodern devil

The coffee shop opened at 5 am.

 

She had done an all – nighter preparing for another useless business task at a price that fills the pockets of her masters.

Someone else came up out of the earth at that moment. Heavy density, the origin like gravity, like the 4th force of the universe. He, She, it, animate, inanimate, phantom like yet harder and denser than the most dense matter from the stars. This life form he was dealing with had reached a its dead end. Of course, this often happens with many species. They reach a point where they cannot adapt and survive Will these humans evolve into another humanoid like form? Will they be able to adapt to the conditions they have created in their foolish lack of forsight?  

Not to worry, it would feel nice to do some whimsical things.

It reached into itself and pulled out several scenarios.

In this moment, a handsome young man made his way to the coffee bar. Behind him came our female friend lost in her anxiety over finishing her work project. She could smell him, sending a warm wave from her third eye to her groin. She saw herself with this man, whereupon he turned around. He very gently placed a hand in the small of her back. He looked into her eyes, and she pressed her mouth on his, touching the tip of his tongue with hers.

This was like a dream come true. How could this happen this way? How could this happen so quickly?

He ordered his coffee with his arm around her waist, she nuzzling her nose and lips into his neck. She felt very secure and confident for what she had to do in an hour and a half and he ordered exactly what she wanted without having to ask. They got their coffee and retired to a table outside obscured from the view of others. They took a few sips of their coffee, staring each into each other’s eyes, hands touching. She had on a skirt to her knees, no panties; a plaid with blues, greens and black with a black skin tight top, no bra. Her voice made his cock rock hard. She sensed it and opened his pants, freeing it in into the morning air. Her right hand found the tip giving the motion, which is perfect for him while his tongue probed her mouth, leaving the coffees on the table. Soon she was in his lap, burying his cock in her wet quim, and squeezing it with the muscles made fit from those hundreds of thousands of Kegels she did for years. They kissed wildly. Her vagina massaged that rock hard pulsing penis and felt the cum rising out of his balls several times, which she halted mid shaft, giving him the shivers of body orgasms she was experiencing. For some reason, this drew people walking by.

People pulled in, parked, getting out of their cars, getting some coffee of their own, some of them engaging in their own orgies and couplings. Meanwhile, on the street, two cars smashed head on with a fire truck close behind them, full of firefighters also after their coffee. They parked mid street, walked in and ordered before they extracted the injured and dead from the wreck.

Our friend from up out of the earth was laughing now. Here once again, some sex and death with a decrepit species. It wasn’t the great energy fucks he was used to in his interdimensional travels. Not so unlike other lower life forms he encountered, conjugating and fucking and exchanging genetic information. This is a species fast becoming infertile. Not only in body, also in thinking and neuro evolution. It felt pleasant to watch death filling the street with blood and shit from spilled guts, and to feel the fucking and the bodily fluid exchange from those who were oblivious to the carnage which had occurred outside.

Now in another dream on another day, the new POTUS and his cronies had gathered together to cause the destruction of the administration they hated so much. In this moment, the generals and the elite strike force they created needed for such a coup and execution, rushed into the room, weapons raised, killing all. At that point, another weapon was introduced, which disintegrates organic matter, and all traces of them vanished. Not even dust remained.

Back at the coffee shop on that other day, people changed partners and continued to fuck and fuck and fuck. The firefighters watched and drank their coffee. The cops showed up, the forensics team showed up. A lady coroner arrived who should have been a pin up in some men’s magazine from the 1950s. She grabbed the battalion chief on the fire truck who was another pin up from the calendars some cougar women hang on their walls. They grabbed each other and lay in the blood and shit and piss in the street and created a fuck fest spectacle that even the worst scat porn people will shit their pants watching….

 

 

 

©Copyright 2017 Humunculero

She does and can

She fucked me and I slept well.

Yes, she crawled in my bed with me after a couple of days of affection.  She lay next to me enjoying her sleep, having her rest.  And there in a presence of “maybe he’ll wake up and we’ll have a passionate three-day fuck and love fest”, I did wake up with a throbbing hurt.  It seemed so proud like a blurred vision for some and sharp for others of an ever-lengthening Priapus moment.  We celebrated each other. I knew her every inch, passionately in touch, smell and the vision and sounds of her writhing in ecstasy.

She had little use for my compassionate masculinity of well lived in BALLS.

She held tightly and kissed perfectly.  She grasped the explosions of my innermost fuckIloveyouandyouknowitastrue.

When she isolated and separated temporarily I got busy for my day like always.  It always worked in the end and at least served as a reminder about keeping on and moving forward no matter what.  In good faith, it didn’t work to take anything to do with her personally.  Both of us did what we thought we wanted to do almost regardless of consequences which got fewer and fewer in keeping our word to ourselves.  Yes, there occurred anger and consternation.  Yes, we argued at lower and lower volume. Yes, we planned better than make up sex.

I got to act like a force field around her vulnerability.  Just presence and appreciation makes it work.

It generates in parts from both of us.

She came through the field with creative action enthralling everyone in various ways.

 

 

 

©humunculero2017

Honesty and Dishonesty

The facts are in – almost everyone acts dishonest at least occasionally.

Seemingly most of it entails situations which don’t have much importance to the individual lying.

So those of us who think we practice complete honesty and transparency may find ourselves from time to time lying or engaging in something not quite transparent. 

The Matrix Experiment found most people will cheat to some extent

https://www.elsevier.com/editors-update/story/publishing-ethics/a-fascinating-experiment-into-measuring-dishonesty

 

“Over 40,000 people, from all walks of life, participated in The Matrix Experiments.

What did we find?

  • On average, people solved four problems but reported solving six.
  • Nearly 70% cheated.
  • Only 20 out of the 40,000 were “big cheaters”, people who claimed to have solved all 20 problems. They cost the experiment $400.
  • We also found more than 28,000 “little cheaters” who cost the experiment $50,000.”

One study has shown up to 60% of people lie

“The study, published in the journal’s June issue, found that 60 percent of people lied at least once during a 10-minute conversation and told an average of two to three lies.”

https://www.umass.edu/newsoffice/article/umass-amherst-researcher-finds-most-people-lie-everyday-conversation

Men and women lie for distinct reasons:

““Women were more likely to lie to make the person they were talking to feel good, while men lied most often to make themselves look better,” Feldman said.”

” “It’s tied in with self-esteem,” says University of Massachusetts psychologist Robert Feldman. “We find that as soon as people feel that their self-esteem is threatened, they immediately begin to lie at higher levels.”

https://www.livescience.com/772-lie.html

So possibly it boils down to self-esteem.  If our self-esteem gets mostly genuine and we practice impeccability with our words, thoughts and actions we might lie a little bit less.  In doing this it gets very helpful to realize while we aim for 100% honesty, the first step of this may come in remaining honest with ourselves and when we discern we have lied to ourselves, stop it at the level of belief and thought so the poison doesn’t flow well from our mouths.  This means non-judgement, positive or negative.  It also means we will do our best to practice feeling loving toward ourselves individually.

In my own life, this provided an opportunity to use honesty to improve my life.  In work, it meant telling the truth about products and services so customers could make their decision based on facts with little embellishment.  It also meant telling my friends and family the truth more consistently.  Mostly I found I had to say less.  I didn’t have to support anyone with false embellishments or unnecessary compliments as making someone feel better about themselves with a lie will sooner or later get discovered and my credibility with them would suffer and the relationship would weaken seriously.

I have looked at my beliefs about myself.  The teachings from parents as a child served as helpful contradictions.  My mother gave me statements about me being a special person with extraordinary talent and ability and my father told me I would never amount to anything unless I learned to work hard for everything and this would start with deprecating statements about my behavior.  I had a lot of shame to overcome and it’s not all gone.  This affords me the opportunity to work with it consistently.

A new belief which helped me had to do with first accepting I had ultimate worth on the eternal scale of value, this served me until the realization came regarding the nonexistence of self.  No self, no self-esteem needed.  This contradicted the pop psychology of its reverse theories.  In this model, all seems connected to doing and actions which come from beliefs, thought, and feelings.  Seemingly we a feedback cyclicity of thoughts producing feelings and behaviors feeding back on prevailing beliefs many of which wound up erroneous.  In changing the beliefs and stopping the limiting thoughts from guiding actions I had to do less to keep myself honest.  It also meant offering less up in unsolicited feedback, something which seemed to prevail in the “meetings” of the twelve-step cult I attended for a couple of decades.  One of the best actions I took had to do with getting away from it and the toxicity in words spoken there, when really the only thing which worked well came from the love in unspoken support.  Knowing I am loved and encouraged to love myself made me feel love for myself and others almost unconditionally.

Since moving on from there I have made beneficial and limiting decisions about my life and I dedicate myself, imperfectly, to improving beliefs, thinking, and behaviors and calling up humble, loving feelings for myself.  Much of this has come in taking better care of my body and general health.  Along the way I have been able to genuinely help some others, giving me more loving feelings in general.

In the ongoing set of conclusions, having a multifaceted set of perspectives helps me to less judgmental conclusions and statements.  Looking at what I say based on observations before I say them – this takes a lot of mindfulness to do it effectively and I have sometimes gone to almost angry extremes to defend my stated perceptions about situations only to have to make amends for the behavior in stopping myself from doing it again and making things right in my best way possible.

Honesty it seems, ought to concern the truth and truth comes from knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt.  Reporting what happened, how I thought and felt seems like about all I can do regarding this.  Mostly, I strive to practice concise brevity as it gets too easy to slip into conjecture and verbose rhetoric.  In the utmost sense it looks like the less I believe about anything, the better as it leaves me more open to varied interpretations and perceptions which may have more objectivity.  If this seems self negating and contradictory, that will turn out a reader perspective.  I tend to characterize it more as a paradox like many other things human.

Everything-we-hear-is-an-opinion-not-a-fact.-Everything-we-see-is-a-perspective-not-the-truth.-Marcus-Aurelius

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

©2017MHumunculero

PLEASE DON’T

agood shot

 

There’s a lot of chatter about Islam and its evils.  Yes, the various sects of this faith have some radical variants which want to impose their rigid way of life on everyone.  When we compare this to radical evangelical Christians and their collateral murderous spin offs we don’t see a lot of differences.  They have all killed about the same amount of people.  I am wondering if the same can be said about Judaism on a proportionate basis.  At any rate, they have incited, mostly involuntarily, evangelicals and inspired radical Islamists to aid or destroy them.  Zionists have an equal part in the “monotheist” paradigm for their level of contribution. 

At any rate, if these religions get widely accepted as mythology and their codes debunked along with the mythologies of other religions – Hinduism and Buddhism are not exempt – we may have a chance to free up humanity long enough to save life on the planet.

That the Abrahamic mythologies affect at least 3.5B people on the planet seems great cause for a rational activism in educating the masses.  The religions are all myth.  There was no Abraham, no Moses, no Solomon, no Jesus, no Mohammed going to heaven – none of this.  Scholars have shown repeatedly that the old Testament is rife with myth until 600BCE and there’s no historic or archeological proof for any of the mythical figures or real historic figures and their mythos.  Most of these religions got established through warfare and the subjugation of peoples and cultures – yes even Buddhism.

This getting stated, can we afford sacred cows in our societies and cultures?  Should we allow ancient, outdated, repressive codes to determine our destiny?  Oddly enough, the erroneous beliefs and thinking have shaped the destiny of our world through a dark and distorted lens which does not practice what it preaches about the sanctity of life and the exaltation of the worth of life on Earth.  I have little wonder at the presence of the apocalyptic beliefs rife in most of the Abrahamic religions and their predecessors.  It looks a like a neurotic, human lemming delusion.  Our species – seeking unconsciously – to extinct itself as another failed species “experiment”.  The natural phenomena of industrialization puking poison into the environment posits this distinct possibility all around us.  If capitalism seems like an outgrowth of industrialized civilization, so far, the system has shown us a clear path to extinction.  These economies rule the world and destroy it as we live and still breathe.

The fact we have thought of numerous solutions to our manifested destiny can give glimmers of a way out toward survival.  Capitalism has it’s uses however, we don’t think runaway consumerism can do anything except destroy us as it seems to already have proved. Should our estimates turn out wrong, it won’t harm us and life on the planet to go to nonpolluting, renewable energies and the production of ecologically sound products and lifestyles.  Maybe we can do as Buckminster Fuller postulated.  Maybe Malthus had a point?  Nonetheless, overpopulation and our current consumptive human world seem the likely root cause of it all.  We really have not shown the significant improvements which will result in our survival and evolution to more adapted levels.  Maybe our collective genomes have reached their endpoint?

On the doomsday timeclock, it we accept the model, we are beyond the 11th hour and must motivate ourselves to act NOW.  We must clean up in many ways.  We must base our economic systems so that small groups of people and families do not control the well-being of our species as they do not have this in mind for the most part and this system stays in epic fail mode.  Greed and selfishness will spell our demise unless opportunity gets created for making the greatest profits ever without prophets.

We all know money must get out of politics.  We know countries don’t run well like businesses and the goals of most corporations and large private businesses do not coincide with the needs of the people who largely support them.  Religion needs to get placed in a recreational category and ought not get taken seriously except to provide a vehicle of transcendence.  We must get united behind our survival and enhancement of life on this planet as we won’t find ourselves able to leave it in time to avoid our extinction.  So, casting aside the divisiveness in “scripture” for the unifying principles which also seem inherent in our species might wind up the best solution.  We can spend our time caring for our planet and hence one another.  We can forge a new destiny other than our imminent demise.  Those who prove the thinking and beliefs causing greed and its irresponsibility will have to get pushed out of the way so we can live on.

It will only work if we can change our pursuit of pleasure into the pleasurable pursuit of our deepest caring for each other.

 

 

©2017mhumunculero

Zard origins or the beginnings of beginnings

azard land

 

 

“We have an interest in you Mondo…”

 

The voice was resonating into the top of his head, “What will you do when we tell you all? We must have to start somewhere in your own terms. Our race has evolved an inter-species from two species of different worlds and the primordial human genomes as we can explain it to you. We are related to you more than you know and you can have offspring with us in our female like forms. We have seven differing “sexes” as you might call them. Five of them are more female like than male with three exclusive female multi sexes when have seven complimentary pairs of chromosomes defining sex. All of them work mutably with conscious input…”

“I’m absorbing, as you can tell, this shit just fine. If you’re looking for a sperm donor, I think my swimmer count is low, owing to the age of the germinal epithelium and its ability to reproduce those little bastard makers. I find it interesting you’d want to breed with me. My DNA is loaded with most of the human DNA on the planet as you no doubt know. As long as I get to fuck these females and it’s a good time, I think I’m in…”

“HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA, HAHAHAHAHAH…human males, always thinking about the neural payoff. And of course, we know you give off theta and gamma waves which heal and transform and create interspecies larvae in the information stream.”

“Should be a hella good time with you lizard bitches, I can feel me pulsing like a longer jizzing version of a boar cock. Squirting out little entities filled with the accumulated tasks and the abilities to make them real outcomes. We’ve turned shit into shinola and bio lead into bio platinum, hate into love, and indifference into universal compassion. We’ve made nightmares into daydreams and daydreams into new worlds where Gods are monsters and Monsters eat Gods like I do demons. Roping them and earring them down like horses and calves. Yeah, this is a fuckfest magical rodeo complete with chimeric spawn. I think I am gonna sink my teeth into your scaly, slick, soft neck skin and hold you like a stud horse mounting a horsing mare… Oh yeah.”

She-it-they grasped him gently with their sharp razored talons and breathed an ether into his mouth, anus, and into his urethral opening, causing his transformation and the sprouting of a second cock slightly below his current member. They got hurt my balls hard and she-it-they grabbed both, sliding them into her cloaca which bifurcated and sucked up both cocks, elongating them to dual cervices. She then began a vaginal serpentine series of undulations on his penises, moving in harmony, teasing and testing the very best she-it-they offered. After many long moments of variations and new synthesis a load like he’d never shot rose out of his balls which had turned greenish purple grapefruit sized. She-it-they writhed in their own multiple sets of ecstasy you’d have had to have been there to understand as it was multidimensional in content. , he contributed and she manufactured and delivered it.

Two hours later.

“Goddamn! You make my

shit explode. I feel like I could fuck a hundred more times and like I am a dead ton of flesh on the downside shift.” He had rolled off her backside and she smiled back at him, a lizard woman turning fashion model, black metal star gorgeous now with a seemingly singular physicality.

“Mondo, this is not all we will do with you. We will lay an egg and hatch a lizard bitch internally. The egg will hatch out a monsterling which fast grows into a creature of a similar look to me, complete with mature mentality. For as you shall learn this means works as one of our portals to recreating and synthesizing our previous forms. In this we find a longevity approaching immortality. We come from interior realms in the earth’s core. A network of cities beneath the earth, completely self-sustaining and networked with our kinds throughout our meanders through this galaxy and others…”

“Yeah, I sure feel something more than the four worlds I already walk in now. Like I could warp into other dimensional realms more easily than the most technical magic I have ever used or developed before this. Wow, I just went and came back…it seems I left for quite some time! What the fuck???”

She beguiled with a smile a voice with crappy small guitar amp sounding reverb. He almost expected her to sport a paper mache head of some lizard from a bad, 1950s sci-fi grade z film.

He had been in a different body and part of a set of many minds, now a set of different bodies with many identities living in different worlds, shifting between them at intervals the average human would see as so many fast occurring images like blurred video in analog translations. At once, a colonial set of higher life forms with a networked consciousness, riding on information streams.

And now he was that old Star moving from star cluster to galaxy clusters to the garden where the little flowering star had come back to orbit for a great long span of star moments. She shined upon him and inside of him and birthed little stardust gas clusters which became new galaxies out of her little flowering blue – green starbursts. He absorbed the essence of all this and lived this like star occurring living forms do and do and do…

 

 

to be continued.

©2017mhumunculero

what you imagined

The swagger,

The stumbling drift,

A slurred thought,

Laughter at someone’s hopeful fantasies

Of Death,

The release,

The big sleep…the resting which never ends.

The moments of life pass and come again

In the eternity which validates itself in

Perceptions

Confabulations of the egos

Which influenced belief

Whence came the lands of

Suspension of beliefs and no beliefs

Just tools for more pleasurable moments…

 

©2017mhumunculero

GODZ N BEARS

Hungry like the spring awakened bear am I,

Fed long through the night on the fat of your landing,

Aimed at the self-hate and deprecation of the shame collected,

A target laid to rest in an old world holiday of dead matrons,

Leftover roadkill from the worst of the chivalrous age,

Believing men are worshippers of the narcissistic and immature of women bled,

Devotees of lost dreams and fantasies at once fulfilled and discarded,

Unable to castrate the King of Bears and Alpha Doggers

 

Try as she would whilst her flesh I pounded in not taking these tirades so personal,

She moved out my doors to psychics and impotent old men who’d lap up the droppings of her dysfunction in families of dissed order,

To her sister, blistered and left enslaved,

unrescued,

Lost in her own dysfunctional peasant dream,

Oh how this Bear left that to conjugate a mother bear and left to find Freya with a new Emerald necklace,

My blue cape furling around me and my biggish hat rakish over the eyeless socket seeing from the bottoms of the well of Wyrdnesses,

Yes I am a monster of love delivered as promised, functional and far away from this would be, half dead, aged princess,

Deluded by ghosts of regret and missing the dead without acceptance.

The lower half of life with little joy has gone from me in an instant,

Decided and chosen by love for myself,

Away from those cortisol stressors and depressors

And adrenal exhaustive poor health,

Watching the fooled young, making premature future, spawning the innocents into a dying world,

Yea, I have crossed the abyss and the bifrost bridges, shaking ice from my furs, keeping sharp of claw and tooth for new love,

Fierce and tender,

Baited and well breathed,

Mated sevenfold to the maidens of Diana…

 

 

 

©2012 mhumunculero

The gratitude of loving in sex and otherwise

 

In my college years I aimed my curriculum at Veterinary Medicine.  I pursued what my parents wanted for me.  I didn’t chase my dreams – writing, art and photography.  I had an education trust. School (ASU) was cheap like $160.00 /semester and books.  However, I had to live so the trust gave me a nice little stipend and I went to school for six and a half years including graduate school.  It was a complete paradigm flip from art to science and I did it and loved a lot of the knowledge and direct laboratory experience.  My inheritance bought me a new, in 1972, Datsun 240Z for transport and I drove the piss out of it for eleven years.  I drove ninety on the freeway everywhere.  We had KDKB, the cutting edge underground station and KJZZ and I had a cassette player in there so I was tuned.  I still aspired to be the best front man Phoenix turned out ever and didn’t even own a microphone.  Deep inside me I had what I believed was unresolvable emotional pain so relationships with friends and women were tough. 

I craved the deepest connection with a woman and yet when awesome women presented themselves I would have great sex with them and distance the next day.  During a two year period, four women proposed to me.  They were all highly valuable people with excellent integrity and made something of their lives inside and out.  I kept myself from getting what I dreamed of having because of a weird, depressive self-hate.  I used inordinate amounts of chemicals, hoping they’d make me feel better and my whole emotionality seemed like a gloomy toilet full of misgivings which didn’t flush.  Every so often I would meet some woman who totally cleaned my clock and I somehow doomed myself out of her.  Some of these women I am still friends with today.  I love them with the intensity of any partner and have no desire to fetter them to me.  It’s very fulfilling to have love with no possessiveness and unconditional friendship which could easily be sexual again and has been upon occasion.  I have fully realized long ago how we live and die alone and it’s natural even though there is this connectedness we all feel.  No persons, regardless of their physical connections will stay joined.  It’s all ephemeral gone like life goes – a moment at a time. 

_______________________________

It has taken years of work on myself, experiential, writing and answering self help, self esteem questions.  Also, a great deal of interactive work with others in self development trainings and best of all NLP training, workshops, and clinical.  Today, I am opened fully, sometimes it seems too fully, expecting better out of those who do worse.  In retrospect, it’s all paid off, one way or another.

_____________________________

Many times when I am having very connected sex with a woman I have a profound sense of joy similar to our emotional and intellectual connections we experience privately and socially.  These, to me, posit as my most favorite experiences.  They are unparalleled journeys into sustained bliss.  I feel her giving to me with her affections and I surrender fully to them in very receptive ways, allowing myself to fully appreciate the giving and the pleasures I experience.  I give to her in such a way and she responds deeply, passionately and in her sustained orgasming.  The appreciation I have for her in these ways gives me great fulfillment in the creating of pleasure – part of my life’s purpose.

To you whom we have the pleasures of enjoyment now, before and sooner rather than later, I salute you and what you do and what we will give to each other sustained in the eternity of the moments making this life.

 

 

©2016mhumunculero

Forgiveness – an unnecessary term

aachecks

 

 

 

 

 

Over and over we see blog posts and articles telling us forgiveness is essential for self-development and inner peace.

Forgiveness winds up rarely necessary and in the best cases seems arbitrary and apologist in context, opening the door when boundaries are weak, for more abuses.

Forgiveness has little necessity in my experience, when I can keep my word to myself and not take things personally which people, organizations and institutions do in the course of their aims and behaviors. 

When I vow to myself to practice discretion in all my affairs without letting it degrade to paranoia by making assumptions about a situation or person, I can find the practical, most logical path and avoid or deal with people and situations. 

This means I diligently watch people.  I have to watch people, their speech and behaviors and observe their consistency.  When their behavior does not match their statements and claims consistently, they can be avoided or only have limited influence in my affairs.  When they lie, cheat, and steal I strive to avoid them at all costs and if there’s a necessity in dealing with them, strict boundaries and limited interaction wind up a must.

Recently, I got a call from someone who had lied extensively and stole from me while gas lighting to others about me, attempting to normalize their behavior by projecting their lack of integrity and dishonesty back on myself.  The person repeatedly stated how sorry they feel for these things they had done and asked if I would be interested in friendship.  I did not reply to this, except to state what my interests were in a relationship.  I further stated and reiterated how apologies are hollow without actions to right the wrongs committed and asked how this would get accomplished. Duh, if you don’t replace items lost, stolen, or destroyed, and treat me with integrity, apologies have little value. The answers given were satisfying; however follow-up has been poor – consistent with previous behaviors and the lack of integrity, honesty, and decisive actions taken.  I find it best to wait and see, without judgement or condemnation, what may come next

The problem here has to do with trust, an essential element in forgiveness along with understanding and compassion.  I have learned in practice, trust, for the most part has little use in the course of human affairs as it gets viewed with too much idealism to have lasting value.  People do what they do and I can at best, work with probabilities of them acting consistently.  It seems, in my perception, most people have consistent patterns of behavior.  When I slow down to observe them, I can discern what might have a probability of a person performing on promises or agreements.  This means I interact with them accordingly.

When they have acted as the person above, I attempt to wait and see what they’ll do.  If they lack transparency and consistent integrity which practically matches my own I work hard not to make assumptions and expectations based on how I want them to behave with me.  This means I let go and move on to more consistent interactions which have win – win, mutual benefit.

Sometimes this has happened with family and it can have poor import when I expect too much.  There’s one close family member I have who I cosigned a loan for, stipulating he’d make all the payments in a timely manner until paid in full – which he did for a time.  As time went on, he lied about making payments and when the chief collection agency called me I found he was 78 payments behind on a $1500.00 balance.  He lied repeatedly about setting up a working payment plan with this entity and is still behind, leaving my credit in arrears.  When I contacted the collection agency and made a settlement offer, they did not respond in writing to my written request, wanting to use telephone collection tactics to attempt working with me.  Since all this, I have ended my relationship with this family member until he makes good on our agreement and either pays off the loan and allows me to clear my credit or the company mentioned deals with me and the family member pays me in full.  Based on behavior, I find it reasonable to think both will perform consistent with previous behavior.  \

I have also found others who maintain relationships with individuals I mentioned and those performing similarly will practice apologist behavior regarding them.  I observe them with caution from a distance.

Forgiveness only serves well when apologist beliefs tell me I will need to forgive in order to let go and extinguish any resentments.  I have found this a waste of time.  When I don’t take the person’s behavior personally and don’t waste time and energies staying angry and developing resentments and keep my word to love and honor myself, I don’t have to forgive them and have fewer feelings and thoughts regarding the situations.  Very simply, I let go.  In the same vein, it does not mean I cease pursuing the reparations and amends of behavior from the violators.  Usually they are pursued unceasingly and dispassionately until I have established an end to it.  This means I persistently ask for and if possible seek legal means to achieve satisfaction without judgement of personality and public or internal condemnation.  Letting go means I let go of anger and resentment and pursue relentlessly out of principle.  Should those ends not find satisfaction due to the inability of the offenders to make right their offenses, all pursuits will suspend or cease without enmity or thought of revenge.  It also means, friendship will remain optional based on subsequent behaviors.

©2016Checks

delete

The Stars inside you…

 

 

help me

“Help me help her, she’s in convulsions. She is saying strange names.  Her eyes are rolling back in her head. Greenish foam spews from her mouth.  Her heart is pounding too fast and too hard, I am scared I will lose her.”

He changed his frequency to this distress call.

He could hear it and see it in an information code in his mind’s eye.  He hoped for video since he did not trust her or the friend.  The friend’s style seemed like a variation of her own.

“She’s possessed and from what she’s told me of you, I don’t trust you.  I don’t know what to do…”

“Tell me your location I will come and get her!”

“No, I don’t know what you will do…”, this tone seemed too familiar.

“From what she tells me, you are a controlling old lecherous pig.  You want to rule her and restrict her!  You remind me of so many she has gotten with previously!”

“You don’t know me so how can you state this without direct knowledge?”

“She looks like she’s going into a coma, what will I do?”

The tone felt frantic and yet to some extent contrived.

“Help me I don’t know what to do…”

_____________________________________________________________________

 

Once upon a construct of a relative timeline through a wormhole in a meta-galactic garden where star flowers grow and seed through black holes an Old Bluish Star came to settle in an orbit off its black hole portal path.

The garden, if humans would see it might look so much like the best tended gardens of Earth.  The energy visions we’d see seemed like these flowers, shrubs, trees and grasses grew in unison and separated themselves to a kind of coexistence which allows their stellar presences.

Sometimes the Stellar flowers established a space where their protoplanets would form upon their placement in a galactic cluster of planet forming star systems.

In one of these star plots a beautiful Star consistently bloomed in great radiance.  Decidedly by our human terms this star had a meta feminine nature birthing planets and at full bloom coalescing with smaller gaseous proto stars to bloom larger and more luminous on all spectral levels.

Now, the Old Star had experienced and caused many transformations over the aeons as a progenitor and survivor of ultra stellar chaos.  So much a fractal of multi-dimensional proportion it seemed.  He had stellar consciousness.  A consciousness so vast we humans sense it as an immense current of energy or closer still, a great continuous stream of information manifesting in intersections with others of various proportions across the multiverse.

So now the dialog begins in emanations we’ll attempt to translate:

“Such a fine set of moments is beginning.  Your beauty seems blinding in the dalliance of now.”

She stopped him, “Who seem you to speak, Old Star?  You who has travelled through much of it in the now.  You who’ve known so many of great stellar import and brilliance.  Why bother with us in our harmonious journey in this ever changing garden…WHY?”

“And of course, as you smile in waves at me, you know it not meant to bother. I…”

She interrupted, “You came to join with me, exchange our content and intent without formal invitation or some other to introduce us.  Naturally, Old Star, we feel suspicious of your almost aggressive intrusion.”

He had to turn up his output volume, “Please your majesty.  I have meant to pay homage to your beauty and despite my usual discretions for approach I have found myself a bit bold and intent upon you.  When I sensed you on my travel through these regions, I had no idea I would want to make an introduction and propose an exchange…”

She interjected more forceful now, “You want to starfuck me, admit it.  It’s an acceptable request.  I can see some of the benefit I might have. However, dear old handsome mass of Mega Star God this seems a bit out of context in the haste of your approach.”

She paused and he returned, “Goddess of starblooming please beg my indulgence.  I can see your complete knowledge of our possible merger and exchange.  You seem frightened by the magnitude of it somehow…”

Again she interrupts, “You old fiery gasbag!  I want nothing more than to absorb you and have you adsorb and absorb my manifestations.  The first taste of intention drives me to stellar panic, I fear Supernova…”  She began something akin to what we’d interpret as a stellar hyperventilation, another pause for him to speak again.

 

“Please allow me to calm your fears and rest awhile in the best radiance of my ardor for you.  It will cause you feeling at ease…”.

She did calm down and let him settle on her with an almost blue and invisible shine, “Ohhh I could love you and call you Master.  You are so handsome!”, she would tell him this over and over as they basked in each other and she could feel love from him appreciating her and radiating his presence.

Then came a gaseous starcloud of great tumult.  The kind of raw, powerful energies and proto information which can cause stellar drunkenness in these bodies.

So in her fascination and confusion she consumed and her innermost desires manifested.  She invited him, “Come into this space.  Let’s mix…”

He moved in and hesitated since she seemed more like she would consume him giving him great bite wounds on a level which will destroy star systems.

“Ohhh, you Old gasser…you burn with blue fires which start star birthings and cause them in multiple regions…you feel like so much more than just an Old Blue giant!”, she stargasmed and whimpered in multiple forms and spectra after an almost what seemed an infinite pause like the space and peace of darkness, he started up, “Tell me beautiful what you want and want of me…don’t hold back.”

“I want to be owned by the right Master.  A true master I can love and will bloom love for with every emanation.  Would you, will you, OWN me?” she fawned as only a blooming star femme can.

“Yes, I will own you!”  A bluish stellar plasma oozed out of him onto her and they played and played.

She slipped through an invisible black hole and seemed gone from the garden and the Old Star wondered at this…was it natural disorder in the mix or did she leave to something else?

He naturally let go however, it did not last for the taste, feel, and enjoyment of her had no parallel.  He had exchanged and loved many other great stellar entities of her nature and most of them called to him through the wormholes with reverence and appreciation coming from his reverence and appreciation of each of them.  She seemed to have some extra draw to her…something he had not experienced the similarity of for the passage of much radiance and journeying through these star pathways.

He allowed most of his multiplicity of selves to long for her. 

The assumption of ownership came and he allowed it to compel him to have her and completely own her when the reality as such only gave him ownership in the previous shared moments.

Meanwhile she had come upon some fringe gardens, wearing themselves thin in another sector and in her drive to shine and dally any and every one with her pulses and radiance she lost track of her statements and promises.

A communication came through the ethers, “I have come upon my starmate, a little white star like a fairy twinkle.  She loves me and seems very protective…”

Really she had come back to her old system where a red dwarf pulsed just enough brilliance to keep her interest.  The Old Star sensed this entity and found it of low consumptive value with little possibility of exchange.

At one point the red boy contacted the Old Star, “We need to talk about my Star girl, uh, my ex star girl…”

“There’s nothing to talk about RedBoy.  She’s told me all about you.  How you’ve fed and drained and bruised her core…”

“Yes, but you don’t know what she’s done to me!!”

His tone felt jealous and possessive and unfortunately the Old Blue took some of it personally as he felt like he had come to her aid against this perpetrator.

“If you had maturity (the RedBoy had been in some star cluster fucks beyond his control which left him distressed and hallucinating) you’d have moved on from her.  I recommend you do it now to save yourself an early implosion…”

“Oh wait, don’t shut me out.  You don’t understand…” like there might be a subplot.

 Yes, the subplot seemed in effect from day one.  She had come to the Old Star’s region to get away from RedBoy and keep him on the string.  The tension they generated for one another gave her consumptive energy and slowly drained him to his self immolative tendency.  He wanted to fade out she had disappointed him so much.  Yet the tension she created excited him and caused him to flare with pleasures.  Pleasure which feels healthy and in actuality drains him to disordered consciousness.

She again felt aware of this RedBoy communicating with the Old Star and blurted, “Don’t talk to him, he’s crazy, I hate him…”

“What does he want to tell me.  Why did he get hold of me if you have ended it with him?”

“He still has some energies I gave I want back…”

“Why they might have too much of him in them.  Since he has a sinister nature toward you, why do you want them?”

“They feel familiar and comfortable.  He has good qualities.”

“Yes my star blossom.  So why don’t you see if you can work things out and not waste my time.”

“No, I hate him.  I don’t want to stay with him.”

The Old Star would play this one out, maintaining personal security while seeing the direction of our Stellar Flower and the trail of events she deposits on the timeline.

 

 

To be continued…

 

©2016MondoHumunculero

 

B = Ball Bat Queen

harleywhore

B = Ball Bat Queen

Like a broken dream

A fantasy realized turned sour

Pissing blood

Fire hose torrents

Given unto her grift,

Wanting to trust,

Knowing the dead chicken would not

Rot off her neck in time,

Feeling taken by wretched loneliness

Really needing a dick work out,

A sweaty, passionate lengthy journey

Past the rhythm leaving her coming and coming

Spent

Brassy like fiery trumpets of REO tricycle doom

Crappy classic rock and what passed for metal

Trite crackly Sovtek tube crunch eardrums

Attempting so ardently for hip

For coolness

Like the perfect summer drink in dry ears,

Only a misgiving, only a poor feat,

All he wanted to know was did I fuck you.

Yes,

you asked me, you fucked me star eyed one – nail cakes,

Like a parking lot status fuck for elevation in what you thought 

Seemed like a fun little club

And the dismissal of importance in too many things,

Wound you up in a dire circumstance of fuck and fight

With an institutionalized Hill Billy bozo,

Like a Steely Dan gaucho or Jack of Speed

Where the drug is PTSD madness and the cure

Will be suicide brains spattered on a cheezy apartment’s wall.

No firearms were used.

©2016mhumunculero

 

harleyquinnbatfuck

Enough

Enough


We live moment to moment. 

Each of us has all or most of the tools we need to make ourselves happy in almost any moment.

Even in the face of death some have faced it happily with a smile.

We may have opportunities to cultivate happiness from tools gathered in life experiences and trainings. 

The ruse comes in believing we actually exist and have a posited being.  We take action.  Our bodies and the chemistry which makes our cells, organs, tissues and bodily systems act and have a constant motion.  We move on a moving object in a moving system which has a connected part to all other moving systems we perceive.  In some great senses of all of this we realize our significance and insignificance.  We sometimes get glimpses of newly – in our perception as individuals – synthesized reality tunnels and this spurs something commonly called imagination, which consequently seems to make new reality tunnels or fantasies of possible realities we might experience.

The delusion comes in the self-deprecation coming from confusing identity with its progenitor – PURPOSE.

We’ve had enough of getting told our existence has some ulterior meaning other than living life to its fullest in the moment.  Some seem to have so much concern in a never proven afterlife they miss out on many of life’s pleasurable and rewarding experiences.  Their prayers to a mythical deity or deities only find an answer in cause and effect and random occurrences, yet the satisfaction it brings those praying and sometimes those who know they have gotten prayed for seems to fuel their erroneous beliefs as such.

By the time most individuals reach the age of 35 their actions and responses are 95% determined in the subconscious.  Thus we act out of ingrained sets of beliefs, thinking, feelings, and experiences from our past.  To adapt and change and find greater strategies we may have to break out of these programmed actions.  First we will have to sensually experience occurrences.  Since most of our memories are changed everytime we remember them, purposely living in the moment and having great awareness of the stimuli coming into us with a more objective perception trained to immediately filter out the canned responses of the nostalgic identity many of us believe actually exists as a solid form intransigent, despite widespread information to the contrary.

As we train ourselves to recognize our programmed responses we can gain a healthy skepticism about the world we live in and the judgements our minds give us whilst actually perceiving an event.

As we have done this, we’ve noticed less repetitive behaviors.  We actually got overly familiar with eras and their genre.  Defining and living in Purpose gives a clearly shaped identity with beliefs and values generating behaviors and creating a beneficial environment.  My purpose got elucidated and I create power and pleasure, very simply so living my live in the chunked up versions of those terms…Power does not mean over others.  It encompasses wealth and health and emotional intelligence and connecting meaningfully with others.

We remind ourselves to aspire to and achieve excellence while discarding perfectionism and perfectionists.

We will not take judgements and criticisms personally as they come from others and not ourselves.  We will not assume anyone to have our same set of beliefs and values.  We will focus and do our best in as many areas as possible, keeping track of efforts and results.

almost = no game

Rolling ahead turbines whining at super cellular speeds

Clamors of drift taking drains on consciousness

Living always in the past latencies

Star sky impressions lights long past

Fortitudes of madness

latitudes of grift and consequence

Sequenced in advantages received

Final sets of hundreds of stroke climaxes

The axis of spot hits enervated

plus-plus up, up

Down deeper

Deeper down, deeper, down deeper,

HARDER

Into the encasements

Even so too much seems unaccomplished

The little done gets undone

Lack of desire and effort

A user gone to disuse,

The delay of dreams explained

Moments wasted…

Ohhhhhh and the hundreds of others better feeling

A residue of smiles and invitations of returned pleasures,

The seizures of restorative ecstasy.

©2016mhumunculero

Wilder Side Rider

“Goddamn it there’s too many things I don’t like about this time of year.”

Aaron looked at his longtime friend thinking, “Oh no, not the complaining again.”

“Fuck it. I’m going to enjoy myself despite all the shit.” He stared at the ceiling instead of rolling his eyes. He pulled a long draught of the sweet, room temperature stout, his mind wandering as it hit his gut…” Wish this was mead!”

“I know a place where the mead is perfect Tolland. Some pretty hot nordic-german looking women serving it too…”

“What the fuck, it’s the longest night of the year. People are a little festive. Perhaps some gal will take pity on an old smart ass thrall like me? By Odin’s beard and the swell in my organs let’s hope so!”

“We’ve been to the Long Ships before. Remember? That Helga looking woman accosted you in the parking lot…”

“Yeah, I remember. My back was fucked up for a week. She rode me hard and put me away wet…”

Aaron laughed, “I’ll bet it was wet!”

“Fuck it’s always good…maybe she’ll be there again…”
His mind drifted again. So many people had died this year, hell, in the last three years. Fucking depressing shit. Tolland was feeling his own mortality.

“Hell, we don’t live forever. We might as well enjoy ourselves as much as possible on the way to our death.”

They paid the tab and strode out of the bar. Big men, they looked like Viking strong men with trimmed beards and hair…Tolland, blonde with red beard and Aaron brown haired and blue eyed, over six five.
Along the way the roadway had a low fog on it with a mist. The full moon was casting shadows from the forest lining the highway. Tolland could swear he saw spectral figures darting across the road…

“Goddamn it Aaron, why is it I hallucinate when I drink?”

“Tolly, I am seeing some weird shit too, like ghosts darting across the roadway and I have only had two beers…”

“Yeah! What’s going on with this…fucking Christmas anyway huh?”

“Luckily the bar has a good shuttle service to the hotel on Grand. We may need it tonight…”

“Shit I hope Helga takes ME home, Aaron…”

They half-assed parked the dual cab pickup, taking up two spaces. The tavern looked pretty full from the state of the parking lot. As they walked up to the entrance they could hear Swedish Death Metal powerfully booming out of the building. The first band was done. Second band due to come on.

“Fuck Aaron, you didn’t tell me there was a show here tonight…that fucks up my drinking. How am I supposed to talk to women?”

“Shit, Tolly. You don’t say much anyway, it’s mostly nonverbal…”

As they entered there was an empty booth beside the bar which had some great looking women lining it. Tall, Nordic and Germanic looking with ample figures with flowing dresses like robes almost…

“Shit Aaron! Is this a drinking hall for a Viking chief or what?”

On the walls there was different art from the last time they were there…the paintings depicted scenes of Viking raiding parties and from the Norse myths.
“Damn, are you sure this is the same bar, dude?”

In the far corner, back of the club opposite the entrance, some pale, glowing figures sat at a long table downing big steins of ale or beer or maybe it was mead. All of them had dead looks on their faces which looked fuzzy to both men.
Soon one of the servers approached. She was about five ten in flat shoes, almost platinum blonde with light blue eyes. Her ample breasts pushed up from the crew necked top and bodice she was wearing with flowing skirt above the knees, showing off long athletic legs.

“Hi guys what can I getcha besides a clone of myself for your pleasure?” She winked and smiled so big the guys couldn’t help but grin back at her…

“Well Brunhilde, you can bring us two horns of mead to start and tell those gals at the bar to turn around and smile.”

They noticed in that far corner, a tall, very feminine figure in an iridescent emerald gown turning her long, wavy, red hair framed face toward them to give them a potent stare and begin doing a slinky, yet subtle approach toward them.

“Damn Tolly, you ever see a redhead that pretty?”

Tolly gulped hard, almost choking, “No dude, it hurts to look at her…”

She paused to stop at the bar to talk to two other gorgeous women who reminded Tolly of modern day Valkyries. The mead arrived with a saucy wink from Brunhilde.

“Well Brunhilde, weren’t you going to offer to bring us something else?”

“Hey big fella, how’d you know my name? I might just have to collect you after you pass out tonight…”

Aaron contained his laughter and grinned back, “No honey, we wouldn’t want you to have too much fun by taking advantage of the situation would we?”

“I won’t guarantee your safety darlin’”, she walked away rocking her hips and making his loins surge with blood.

“Oh shit, that’s too fuckin’ funny A-Ron!”, Tolly was about to drop to the floor…

The redhead was on them now…

Tolly almost had to lower his head…damn, she looked like his idealization of Freya. He’d always told himself if he was religious, he’d be an Odinist for sure…a shamanic priest.
She came up right next to him, facing his knee with her hips and laid a hand on his shoulder. “I have been waiting for you to get this long night started…”
He downed the mead, which by the way, was served in a large drinking horn.

“Aaron, here’s to the longest night of the year, the best mead around, and a very pretty goddess to be sure…” He just now noticed she was wearing highly polished, yet rough cut, emeralds, set in heavy gold chain…ancient looking, probably if genuine, priceless.

“For shits and giggles, your name is Tolly, right? You can call me Freya.”
She began to phosphoresce in greenish gold a black aura around this. She pressed against him, he could not help but spread his knees and turn into her. She embraced him and lightly kissed his lips and his neck…” You smell great, like cucumbers.” She rubbed inside his thigh and found him grown to meet her.

“Ahhhh, we must save this for later.” She sat down and Brunhilde arrived with more mead and a special jeweled horn for Freya. Tolly felt puzzled. He was thinking in some weird, old language. He muttered out loud. She answered him and he knew what she meant…something about riding with her in the cold dark night in the moonlight on steeds with hounds chasing something supernatural through the air.

“Raise your horns my lords! Let us toast!”

“To this Winter Solstice and the beauty of this cold dark night.” Aaron all but blurted. Freya flushed and smiled, pounding her mead, very goddess like.

“To these old Gods resurrected, come with me to pull the souls of heroes slain in battle and the poor spirits dead otherwise as we ride through the night skies…”

The mead was gone again and Brunhilde arrived again with more and a troll music band began to play some hypnotic folk metal in the background. Tolly’s right eye went dark suddenly for the room and started giving him views of scenes far away from the bar. The toasting continued for quite some time and Freya and Brunhilde kept calling Aaron Herne. The blond kept stroking his lap and got him in a full tent pitch.

“Come my lords, let us go outside to take a ride now…” Freya was up, getting them off their stools, pushing them toward the door.

As they walked outside, everything went black and Tolly found himself in a long, blue cloak and a wide brimmed hat. He was astride a strange mount, it had multiple legs and a horse’s head and body. Freya mounted a sleigh, drawn by two, gigantic, big as horses, wild boars. She cracked her bullwhip and they all took off. Brunhilde riding Aaron’s Herne cock, flying him through the air trailing Freya and her boar drawn sleigh and preceded by Tolly/Odin on Slepneir, all of them following airborne hounds into the night skies.

They soared into the suburbs over rooftops collecting the spectres of the dead who added to the baying of the houndswoden-wild-hunt

Tolland felt a serious squinching of his mind by the presence of the Allfather’s death consciousness. He felt as though he was getting ridden while flying. Ridden through the abyss. He was feeling the doom of those spirits drawn into the ride. Some of them were road killed in traffic accidents. He could feel their moments of death and the realizations of life leaving their bodies and their spirits left to hover or wander or lay quieted. Also sucked up were the spirits of people from unsolved murders, some tortured by their tormentors. Now they would make a pass over some of the murderers, heinously murdering their consciousness while still alive and sucking their ability to stem the pain of this. The worst feeling of all were the suicides and overdose victims who must be consumed. As the ride continued the spectres joined the train like procession through the night sky, occasionally sensed by a sensitive empath while dreaming these all become horrific nightmares of terrifying death.
Tolland and the other possessed shouted and screamed the terrors of the dead so that it sounded like an eerie howling of high winds to the untrained observer. Now they would sweep over hospitals and take those close to death and on life support.
“Aieeeeeeeee, James! What is happening? Arrghhhh!!”

He was driving into her, perfect rhythm, they’d been together many pleasurable nights…

“Fuck me…”, he gurgled as the talons reached into the bedroom through the ceiling and tore him apart while still in her, his upper torso lifted up, pulverized, thrown aside like ground offal. The claws ripped off her head…the spirit ether drawn up into the maelstrom above…she screamed, “James! Oh no! I lovvvee youuuuuu…. aieeeeee!!!!”

It was later now, maybe 330am, Sleipnir, the boar sleigh, and Brunhilde/Herne descended back to the parking lot, covered in blood and entrails.

“Come Aesir King, couple with me now.”
Freya had Tolly in her grasp, bloodied and semi-conscious. She half carried him to her car, a late model, black Corvette. He passed out in the seat until they arrived at her home. A beautiful, three storied brownstone deep in the city. She was so seductively beautiful, even covered in blood…

She led him staggering through the front door into great room and hallway to a large master bedroom at the end. She went into the shower in the bathroom on the left side of the room. He joined her and they washed the blood from each other. He loved the way the blood had made her skin slick to the touch. He licked her lightly and kissed her curves and under breasts. She found his face and pulled it to hers, fastening her lips to his tender and wet, tongue darting into his mouth open to receive. She took the initiative like no other had ever done before her. Tolly felt a deep connection with himself through her love making. Her presence was emotionally, sexually, and energetically staggering. He wanted to meet her kisses, bites, scratches, caress and sucking…she pushed him back down and took a deep breath, his cock in her hands waiting for her mouth. He closed his eyes.

“Elskhugi, slaka, láttu mig ríða þér…“, sounded like some old Viking language.

He let out a huge sigh of relaxation.

“Yes, yes my man.” She whispered huskily in between gulping, licking, jacking and tonguing his cock.

“Oh yes, fuck yes…” He kept relaxing and his dick kept expanding almost painfully. It felt amazing. He felt his mind transported to another place outside his body, or did it seem his mind was always outside the body? Now the illusion of separation was over. He felt her mind and consciousness. Other minds and consciousness seemed to surround them. Hers seemed more expanded and voluminous than the others directly around them. Sizing it would seem erroneous as it was more about presence than measuring characteristics. The presence of her seemed to pulse and emanate. She enveloped him in this set of realms. Their information mixed and spewed out a combination of them as a type of communication bridge.

To be continued?

©2015mhumunculero

All in ALL the halls

Darkened matter pervading my perversions of the speculative

The purloinment of goodness futures,

Future goodness of loins satisfied ten thousand times,

Dreams of you and of me again and again,

All the uses of me for all the yous paraded in these dreams once nightmarish…

Then again I was the man who rode the mare into the night

Eight legs she has and myself, blue cloak flailing in winter windigs

Wendigo fleeing, Krampus dissolving, dire wolves at my side monstrous,

And yet to you I am the greater monster,

Death angel beyond Azazel and all that,

An interdimensional information stream of entropy,

Helping me die the ten thousand little deaths,

Living each moment to its utmost,

The power of creation,

Ideations of pleasure,

A snuggled up spoony ass late night,

The deep hot feeling of it all…

All of it

All of it

Like purple webs extoling the hedonism of it

ALL.

 

©2015MHumunculero

Faith or fate?

One more useless easy to discard noun:

 

faith

noun \ˈfāth\

: strong belief or trust in someone or something

: belief in the existence of God : strong religious feelings or beliefs

: a system of religious beliefs

plural faiths

\ˈfāths, sometimes ˈfāthz\

Full Definition of FAITH

1

a :  allegiance to duty or a person :  loyalty

b (1) :  fidelity to one’s promises (2) :  sincerity of intentions

2

a (1) :  belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) :  belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion

b (1) :  firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) :  complete trust

3

:  something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially:  a system of religious beliefs <the Protestant faith>

on faith

:  without question <took everything he said on faith>

 

Oh we must protest here!

Firstly, we have thrown out trust; baby, bathwater and all!

We can only go on a person’s reliability. When they give their word to do something, do they keep it and how consistently it happens.

Most atheists I have encountered-there have been hundreds-attempted God and religion to no avail. No amount of praying and openmindedness reveal a God who had their back. On a good day, some folks showed up to help and usually the person got their strategy together and succeeded. Other times no amount of faithful practice and belief resulted in a desired outcome…why? There IS NO GOD except the bullshit in your head.

Certainly there is no Judeo-Christian(lol, previously demonstrated as an erroneous term), Abrahamic God. No Jesus ever existed

( www.jesusneverexisted.com ).

Have no faith in the Lord, except below my belt line when I love you my dear. For he is the Lord of the night and pleasure and the true strength of the flesh!!!

The Lord of the Old and New Testaments is a mixed bag, really a mish mosh of Old Mesopotamian deities and Hellenistic and Egyptian dying gods. All a contrivance. Maybe good for some old fashioned hijacking of entity workings…most of which will not find its way into the minds of the muggles. All bullshit contrived for your paternal yearnings.

So much of this garbage is extolled by women, sometimes I think it’s their daddy complex and their wanting to be saved by someone. Oh my princess, await my coming to your rescue.

So let’s dispense with faith maybe except- b (1)fidelity to one’s promises (2) :  sincerity of intentions.

 

Enough written about this shit. And I mean no insult to shit, which does have good use sometimes.

 

fate

noun \ˈfāt\

: a power that is believed to control what happens in the future

: the things that will happen to a person or thing : the future that someone or something will have

This one gets me wondering…

The first one is kinda scary and may have some roots in faith, especially in a negative intent.

Maybe the second one has more plausibility?

Maybe it’s something to get experienced after the acceptance of faith and a God toilet of predestination?

Maybe it’s just another bullshit term best rooted in dismissal?

Certainly if we dismiss faith we may not consider our fates after the fact????

The Doorway…continues

 

He expected her to be drunk, musing over something. Bemoaning something. Having an inner groan on a health issue.

“What the fuck Mondo…You, you just show up at my door. Did you think you could come all this way and expect me to fawn over you?”

She rushed on him, almost tackling him. He braced and held her fiercely, yet gently. She looked him deeply in the eyes. She almost glazed over and softened quickly to tears.

“You bastard…you know I have always wanted to meet you. I don’t know what you’re expecting…”

“Sunshine, I was in bed. I just …”

“I can smell what you were doing. I can see what you were doing… How the fuck do you get here so quickly after sex? You couldn’t have been down the street, I know who’s around here.”

“Seriously, I just did some sex magic without the intention of actually coming here. Here I am in the flesh. Winded and sweaty.”

She pressed into him in a loving way, “You’re not sweaty. You smell like sex though…who were you with?”

Lying: She looked just like you. I found her at a bookstore. We had coffee, exchanged numbers hung out, read books…went to dinner, talked, she invited me home…

“You’re such a pig, Mondo. You’re not getting any of me!!!”

“Hell, I had no conscious intention of coming here. I was enjoying myself just fine. I could’ve stayed with her indefinitely…”

“You’re so full of shit about that…” her Midwestern accent came through kind of nasal…He loved her face and different profiles…he’d kept trying to get her to talk to him on the phone.

“Mondo? Where are you? What happened?”

Diane has just come out of her orgasmic trance, sleepy, dreamy, wanting to come again…she felt so comfortable with him. It felt so right to give all of herself. He is there like a rock…so present, so real. He licked her the way she’d always wanted and mounted her after a series of intense climaxes…no one had ever done it quite that way…she felt like they had fused. Like they were made to fit together perfectly…

“Monnnnnnnddooooo, you bastard! Where are you? Come in here and let me kiss you again…”

OMG…his kisses, she thought. He’d let her kiss him first.

“Di, kiss me the way you like being kissed, like you’ve always wanted to be kissed.”

Oh, she did and he kissed her back better than it had ever happened…fuck! How would she keep him around, if anything just to fuck…this made her admit to herself how much she loved to fuck and get fucked…he made her feel loved when they talked and the way he listened to her, not judging her. Just looking at her with an open stance. He seemed and acted so confident when she let loose with all her crazy feelings and thoughts about her life and experiences. He seemed perfectly accepting of her, no matter what. She could almost feel his heart beating across a table like her head lay on his chest. When they came together it was like a love affair that had consummated and grown and increased in intensity over time…

“Mondo! Where are you?”

He was gone. His clothes were on the bed and draped over the chair, shoes on the floor. Fuck! She got up walked around the apartment. He wasn’t on the patio. The doors were locked from the inside the way she had set them when they came in.

“Well, what am I going to do with you Mondo?”

“Honestly Sunshine, I don’t know…I am kind of freaked. I have never teleported this way before…I mean this is like the travel modality I have always wanted to master.”

“This is too weird Mister…” She still held him and he held her…Godfuckingdamnit, he really loved her…this is just too weird. These were not the clothes he’d worn out with Diane.

“Well, I was just about to go to the liquor store before it closes. Tomorrow is Sunday and they don’t open till eleven…”

“Sunday, shit. It was Friday night at her house…”

“OK Mondo, that’s enough of this…we have to figure out how to get you home. I don’t know if I want you to stay here!”

Damn he was handsome and strong. She still held on to him. She could just stay there.

“Can I just ride you piggyback to the store? It’s only two blocks.”

She didn’t want to let go. It felt so safe and secure. Yet she also felt that he could be murderous and fucking diabolical and a dirty man slut…shit, dangerous to the touch…damn this feels good.

He released her. She had put her legs around his waist while holding him, and he could feel her warmth and was beginning to have a change in blood flow. It seemed time to push off for now.

“I’ll have to think about the piggy back…”

She wanted to bite him and taste his skin and blood…no, not really. She wanted to rake his back with her fingernails and bite his tongue…she wanted to sit quietly with him and just talk and wonder…

“OK lady, jump on!”

“Cool, you have to promise you will not let me love you very much…I am very scared. I almost pissed myself…” It wasn’t urine.

They went out the front door. She locked up.

“I’m ready old man!”

“I’m ready pretty lady.”

She jumped on. They walked the two blocks. She wasn’t sure about him. He wasn’t exactly like other men she’d been attracted to-other men she’d loved. He sure felt good.

“I am so blown away that I was 2500 miles away and now I am here. Fucking too weird.”

“Here’s the store!” they’d walked up a back street turned a corner, and there it was…a liquor store, next to a laundromat. She jumped off, grabbed his arm, hooking hers to it…she walked up to the counter.

“Captain Morgan, quart bottle, please…”

“I got this sweetie.” He smiled at her. As always a wad of cash in his left hip pocket, wallet and plastic in the right one.

“Well buddy, you won’t have any problem getting out of town will you?” By the way, I am not driving to the city! You know how I hate the place…”

Oddly enough, his phone was in his pocket.

“I’ll get a flight out tomorrow, no problem…”

“Where you going to stay tonight?” She with a shit eating grin…

“Couch me, please…don’t want you to get the wrong ideas…”

Bastard, she thought. How would he know what I want with him? I don’t know what I want with him.

Back at her place she got a little drunk…weird. She’d actually sobered up. They talked until dawn, fell asleep.

They woke up the first time…10am on her phone seven on his…her head was on his chest they’d purred while sleeping…

“I am too tired. You don’t have to leave yet, right?”

He didn’t say a word just looked at her.

“Alright we can go lay on the bed.”

He wiped sleep slightly away. “You promise you won’t take advantage of me?”

“No worries buster. Come on…”

This time she snuggled nicely. The fell back to sleep immediately. When they woke again it was 230PM.

“Shit, I’d better call the airport…”

“No, I feel safe, please stay…”

“OK.”

She was already asleep again. He fell out completely.

Much later. Later. It felt like YEARS and YEARS LATER, he woke up in this weird space outside, at the mouth of a cave by the shore of a lake. He felt he was standing. Gazing out at the horizon, he could see the Moon rising. Its reflection shimmering silver and gold in the lake. There was a loud bellowing like cattle but not cattle, like something very large, like a two ton bullfrog. There’s no goddamned frogs this large. There never was, not even 200 or 300 million years ago…Fuck, where am I, where is she? The water was black, opaque. Something was moving toward him without splashing. He couldn’t see it, barely hear it. Her head popped out, then her body…Damn, she was all wet glistening in the moonlight, beautiful, visual poetry.

“Hey you fucker. I am not that hot! Get your clothes off and get in this water with me. Catch me if you can.”

She slid back in and began backing out. He peeled off his clothes and came after her, swimming very close. She teased, keeping him at arm’s length.

“You ain’t getting it….naw, naw, naw…”

There was a huge splash, sending waves over their heads, erasing any romance or passion from the moment. Two large fishlike, no amphibian like eyes maybe a foot across moved toward them, staring dead on, chortling at boat motor volume.

This time, he’d eaten the scorpion…

 

 monsta frog

“You fucker! Where were you?”

Diane was on him with a passionate vengeance, naked. His hard curve past the navel steering into her with her greatest deliberation.

“Where the fuck did you go…you disappeared all day. I was scared shitless. Were you running around outside naked? Hmmmm.”

He looked at him, bearing down with all her strength on the length of him.

“Fucker, you weren’t under the bed. You weren’t hiding in the closet. The windows were locked!”

She had pushed him down flat and was jackhammering him, supine. She came. She came. She stopped. She started. She came. She could feel the semen rising up from his body and balls. He came in long hot, copious amounts that ran out of her onto him.

He passed out again.

 

He would fight this fucking monster with enchantment. Send it back through the abyss whence it came… she was on him from behind in the water keeping them both afloat while the frog monster came rushing at them full bore…

“Havawang, Chiatio Duxobum! Havawang! Ujachek, datk, datk…” the chant flew out of him with a great violence and she was terrified as a great, long, slimy tongue, covered with sharp bristles wrapped itself around them and in the sky a great winged serpent appeared, glowing red against the night sky…

 tiamat-chaos

To be continued…

©2015MHumunculero

the doorway

daath

This morning felt a little unsettling…

Some days started very well. Some male would spend the night…the sex was usually good. All this wound up short lived to a good end.

This morning, outside the door some kind of disturbance had appeared as though some kind of portal was opening from another place. She hadn’t walked out yet. She felt it and when she peered out the window she could see the shifting warping space.

She was thinking about HIM.

He stayed in her mind, only as a pleasure at a safe distance. He wouldn’t move to her. He wouldn’t come get her. He wanted her in his domain. It felt so safe and comfortable to love him with all her power and her passion, knowing he would be there regardless of situations and who they chose to be with at any time. When she wanted his love, she thought of him and felt it. She could feel his body behind hers, holding her when convenient and needed. She wanted him and was content at a distance…

“Fwwwhhhhpppppp!!!” The front door shut tightly, sealing the inside of the house from the head and wind.

“Ahhhh, I love my home.” The little black Bombay Cat starting with her high pitched mewing brushed his pant leg….

“Kitten! You do love your daddy heh?”

He sat down his black leather, soft brief case and walked to the master bedroom and into the bathroom to unload a voluminous piss and change clothes. He thought of her and sighed. He knew she loved him and how much more it would increase had she come here to live and flourish in his presence. She already had this too safely…she had no idea of the emotional dangers in him. She liked this excitement in the right context where excitement ends in the right type of pain for her and eventually pleasure.

She felt content as his muse. She viewed his sexual escapades for years and served as a friend, knowing deep inside there would be so much more, so much more.

And so she found her pleasure in other men without the complete fulfillment…

Damn it felt good to shake it out, to relax, and to ease into another evening.

If he could just walk into the next room into another place other than through a dream…

Weeks before in a mountain cave, the creature grew three faces; serpent, eagle, and bear. A Chimeric body of elephant, giraffe, and dragon wings…with flocks of Fire tailed swallows to gather all desired outcomes and artifacts of enchantment. It would be called by the chant and the entity it came from.

 

Like a special treat spread before him a meal of delights…

“You have the most special talents…I love it, I love my Oso…” She sank back into the purple sheets moving closer to the peaks so many have not experienced.   The doorway opened.

As this happened, he fell in the vortex of pleasure, sucked in…she came again and again, squealing in a set of colloquialisms he semi understood…she couldn’t take any more, he eased off, stood over the edge of the bed, pushing back the chair he’d sat in…

“Now my time has come…” His mind was whirling into the abyss, his entities of health, wealth, and sexual pleasure dancing about him while he chanted their mantras under his breath.

He grasped the erect, congested staff of throbbing, oozing deliveries of sex love guiding it into her with a deliciously slow deliberation…

“Oi, oi, oi…ohhhh, ohhhh, ohhhh…”

He began the rhythms he learned she loved and pulsed deeper and deeper seeing doorway after doorway open in and out of the abyss.

“Daaaaaaaaaatttttthhhh…” he said in a whispering growl, “Daaaaaaaaattttthhhhhh”.

She reached another set of plateaus and the muse flittered subconsciously into her body, expanding and taking the ecstasy into her consciousness as love, the kind of love that comes only through touch and a deep trance.

The elixir began its inexorable mixing as the man goo rose up out of his balls and he convulsed and shouted while squirting deep into her final throes of bliss that melted into her smile, eyes closed.

“Mamasota~!!!”

He lowered himself forward, face down to feel the next ten minutes of his body orgasm, falling through the doorway into the space outside her door.

She looked out at him, eyes beautiful and brown soft, “How the fuck did you get here?”

He began to laugh…

 

©2015mhumunculero

To be continued…