Fathers and Father’s Day

I am a father.  I love my son.  He told me I am a good Dad…that’s nice.

I am grateful the task of fatherhood has greatly diminished for me.  I found it a thankless batch of work in which I would have been happier not to participate.  I know people for whom this seems otherwise.  If they take personally my comments and experiences regarding fatherhood, oh well!

It had always been my choice to be childless, my son’s mother had other plans…and she did plan to get pregnant without my knowledge before the fact.  She is very well educated from a well educated socially conscious family…  I am not a victim of her choice.  I chose to participate in my son’s life when he was 12 and have ever since. 

I approached it with zeal and enthusiasm and eventually grew to detest it without it affecting my treatment and loving kindness shown to my son.  I gave him time, care, attention, love, and direction and the opportunity to enter manhood.  He still hasn’t fully matured because he was not able to get mentorship from mature men besides myself and my experience has shown me that this premise is necessary for full development.  I came to accept long ago that the nuclear family is a ruse knowing that only the extended family with mature paternity…and maternity can help children become adults.  I also know that men only gain part of what it means to be a mature man from women and their fathers.  I have been shown we also need mentoring from real men, older men to make the transition.  At any rate.  I did well, very well, especially for a man who did his best to enjoy it-and did sometimes-and in the overall assessment, did NOT. 

Now my son is raising his own family…oh woe, oh woe, oh woe unto the prospects of this.  Until the world gains momentum toward sustainability and repair… we need mature parents, not more children…

At any rate I hope you MOTHERFUCKERS out there in the world have a great fucking day(BTW- I do love the sexual love parts of the fucker-fucking of the mothers).  I decided I am. 

Have you?fathers-day-is-mother-fuckers-day


Trust, forgiveness and other ideals

not personal

Definition of TRUST
a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
b : one in which confidence is placed
a : dependence on something future or contingent : hope

archaic : trustworthiness
a (1) : a charge or duty imposed in faith or confidence or as a condition of some relationship (2) : something committed or entrusted to one to be used or cared for in the interest of another

When looking at forgiveness the definitions of forgive may serve us best here:

Full Definition of FORGIVE
transitive verb
a : to give up resentment of or claim to requital for
b : to grant relief from payment of
: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : pardon

However, when I look at the synonyms it seems to make more sense:

absolution, amnesty, pardon, remission, remittal


In the course of emotional events, people get hurt, people intentionally hurt others, people feel hurt from oversensitivity, and victim mentalities abound. Harm to ourselves and others abounds in everyday life. Sometimes harm is a consequence of purpose driven intentions-seemingly unavoidable. People also suffer emotional harm because of trust issues. Because of this, forgiveness has come into play. Forgiveness, however, may not have the same value as the surrender of letting go and when self care is optimum, it may not be necessary.

From long years of observation of my relationships and the relationships of others, I think the inherent problems come from trust and the unrealistic assumption of trustworthiness. I attended a lecture in the early part of the millennium by one of my favorite lamas-Za Rinpoche. His topic was trust and told me the major problem with it had to do with us not having the ability to fully trust ourselves as individuals because we really don’t know ourselves, thus when we attempt to trust others it winds up rife with failure and disappointment, anger, hurt, and emotional pain can ensue.

The root of this problem, I feel certain, comes from the victim-hood of taking people and their actions personally by attempting to trust them according to beliefs and standards not based in the observations of their behavior. When I treat every event as an individual occurance and let go of my desired outcome freeing it of all expectations, I tend to have little suffering as a result. People do everything based in their individual motivations from their beliefs and values and not necessarily according to social ideals and standards.

Usually, if the principles of integrity, non-judgement of self and others, refraining from making assumptions, and making a best effort at these principles in belief, thinking, and behavior, we may find ourselves not having to forgive or overcome the construction of unhealthy and anger and the subsequent resentments.

It can make life that much easier when we stay rooted in the integrity of not taking things personally and keeping our word with ourselves…