WAITING

WAITING

 

Living on the putting off design waiting;

Waiting for the “right time”,

Waiting for the best opportunity,

Waiting for the “right person”,

Waiting for the pieces to fall together,

Waiting for the non-existent miracle to happen,

Waiting for LMFAO-“God’s plan” to unfold,

Waiting for the lessons to occur,

Waiting for the teacher to appear,

Waiting for wisdom,

Waiting for love to happen,

Waiting in line too many times,

Waiting on you,

Waiting on me,

Waiting on someone or something to change,

Waiting precedes patience,

Waiting on life,

 

Waiting on death,

Waiting on waiting,

Waiting, waiting, waiting,

Somewhere, somehow, some others make it happen,

Not having to plan,

They know timing is not waiting,

They know timing involves the appreciation and presence,

 

Of space….

 

 

©2015MHumunculero

High Tides

 

Sleep about me in your bedroom repositionings,
nightside,
Stepped aside for my wont,
Your desire deep and long and craving,
Starving for the presence of me,
the appreciation given,
the time indulged,
the affectation of the affections sought and
bestowed like lavished gifts,
Like parades into a heart-space of feelings,
Not unlike tears,
Not unlike unborn mingled thought-forms of lust/love;
Urging and engaging
Swelling and gone worrisome
Thinned and spent
Like emptied water bladders,
Mechanical hearts, fluid drained
With a will to connect
And connect,
And connect…

©2015MHumunculero

il-02

Spirituality?

 

Spirituality?

 

Oi, I find I must consult various definitions:

 

Merriam-Webster:

: the quality or state of being concerned with religion or religious matters : the quality or state of being spiritual

Okay? Bizarre origins of the
world’s most recognized word. »

 

plural spir·i·tu·al·i·ties

Full Definition of SPIRITUALITY

1

:  something that in ecclesiastical law belongs to the church or to a cleric as such

2

:  clergy

3

:  sensitivity or attachment to religious values

4

:  the quality or state of being spiritual

See spirituality defined for English-language learners

 

Wikipedia:

 

There is no single, agreed-upon definition of spirituality.[1][2][note 1] Surveys of the definition of the term, as used in scholarly research, show a broad range of definitions, with very limited similitude.[3]

It may denote almost any kind of meaningful activity[4][note 2] or blissful experience.[6] It denotes a process of transformation, but in a context separate from organized religious institutions, termed “spiritual but not religious“.[7] In modern times the emphasis is on subjective experience.[8] Houtman and Aupers suggest that modern spirituality is a blend of humanistic psychology, mystical and esoteric traditions and eastern religions.[9]

And finally, something from a web page:

What Is Spirituality?

http://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/enhance-your-wellbeing/purpose/spirituality/what-spirituality

Spirituality is a broad concept with room for many perspectives. In general, it includes a sense of connection to something bigger than ourselves, and it typically involves a search for meaning in life. As such, it is a universal human experience—something that touches us all. People may describe a spiritual experience as sacred or transcendent or simply a deep sense of aliveness and interconnectedness…”
To me, this term is overused and too generalized to have any real meaning other than a trashy abstraction.

When I went to 12 Step meetings (23 years with great consistency) in the Narcotics Anonymous (NA) fellowship, the water of meaning got terrifically cultist MUDDY. Over the years I had some people tell me I was a very spiritual person and yet I was-in my last ten years there-an avowed atheist. I finally came out against the theistic nature of the “Steps” and their, in my experience and the experience of many I encountered who’d left “the Program”-great lack of efficacy. The only real results from them I got came from common sense rational thinking appearing like bits of corn in the shit members called literature…unfortunately, the dysfunctional inheritance of cult belief obtained from Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) make many view these writings as some form of scripture, inspired by “GOD”, a power greater than ourselves found in the steps which arrests addiction and heals addicts from their “shortcomings”. Commonality in these erroneous-for the most part-beliefs creates the sense of connectedness between addicts which makes some of them think a loving, caring God has something to do with this when actually it may really come from people and their sense of human values known, I think, in those circles as spiritual principles. However, the cultist obeisance enforced by self-deprecating beliefs rooted in the Calvinist style adherence to Original Sin which came from AA ruin any possibility of broad appeal on a rational, factual level.

On a larger scale we see the search for the meaning of life from the philosophical concept which posits that humans are born “good”. This has spawned numerous religiosities and New Age practices which have little value except, IMO, to break away from. The real value here comes from learning the ability to create one’s own meaning by splicing various techniques and practices from religious and “spiritual” regimens.

On a magical level, I find religions and “spiritualities” abhorrent when they breed a cultist mentality. This is not to negate the value of adopting a paradigm as such and finding full immersion in it to glean mastery of the useful techniques there for use in synthesis of the magical operator’s magical tool box.

I have found more value in a temporary full immersion in beliefs and techniques, using them to synthesize innovative, new paradigms to obtain results contributing to the overall purpose of the operator. In this sense, spirituality is just another set of religious paradigms which may or may not have any usefulness.

Belief in a God or Gods when concretized may create a blind adherence to unrealistic ideals and beliefs which may create problems in the world due to the abandonment of rational practical problem solving and solutions strategies.

Along these lines we find a preoccupation with the term “soul”. Once again, I think, is a set of nebulous interpretations having little use when abstracted into a consensus generalization for use in religions and cults.

On a good day we may, at some point, technology permitting, redefine and rename this to represent some seemingly immortal information stream or “ocean of consciousness” devoid of individual human egos. Perhaps there may occur an energy or information stream to which the ALL finds an ever-present interconnectedness. I have always liked the concept of KIA and the spark, the inherent life force, which may or may not be akin to Manna or the connectedness which seemingly is the cosmic glue holding it all together.

Then again all this may wind up abstractions in the limited views produced by human perceptions of “reality”.

 

More to come…

 

©2015MHumunculero

The Doorway…continues

 

He expected her to be drunk, musing over something. Bemoaning something. Having an inner groan on a health issue.

“What the fuck Mondo…You, you just show up at my door. Did you think you could come all this way and expect me to fawn over you?”

She rushed on him, almost tackling him. He braced and held her fiercely, yet gently. She looked him deeply in the eyes. She almost glazed over and softened quickly to tears.

“You bastard…you know I have always wanted to meet you. I don’t know what you’re expecting…”

“Sunshine, I was in bed. I just …”

“I can smell what you were doing. I can see what you were doing… How the fuck do you get here so quickly after sex? You couldn’t have been down the street, I know who’s around here.”

“Seriously, I just did some sex magic without the intention of actually coming here. Here I am in the flesh. Winded and sweaty.”

She pressed into him in a loving way, “You’re not sweaty. You smell like sex though…who were you with?”

Lying: She looked just like you. I found her at a bookstore. We had coffee, exchanged numbers hung out, read books…went to dinner, talked, she invited me home…

“You’re such a pig, Mondo. You’re not getting any of me!!!”

“Hell, I had no conscious intention of coming here. I was enjoying myself just fine. I could’ve stayed with her indefinitely…”

“You’re so full of shit about that…” her Midwestern accent came through kind of nasal…He loved her face and different profiles…he’d kept trying to get her to talk to him on the phone.

“Mondo? Where are you? What happened?”

Diane has just come out of her orgasmic trance, sleepy, dreamy, wanting to come again…she felt so comfortable with him. It felt so right to give all of herself. He is there like a rock…so present, so real. He licked her the way she’d always wanted and mounted her after a series of intense climaxes…no one had ever done it quite that way…she felt like they had fused. Like they were made to fit together perfectly…

“Monnnnnnnddooooo, you bastard! Where are you? Come in here and let me kiss you again…”

OMG…his kisses, she thought. He’d let her kiss him first.

“Di, kiss me the way you like being kissed, like you’ve always wanted to be kissed.”

Oh, she did and he kissed her back better than it had ever happened…fuck! How would she keep him around, if anything just to fuck…this made her admit to herself how much she loved to fuck and get fucked…he made her feel loved when they talked and the way he listened to her, not judging her. Just looking at her with an open stance. He seemed and acted so confident when she let loose with all her crazy feelings and thoughts about her life and experiences. He seemed perfectly accepting of her, no matter what. She could almost feel his heart beating across a table like her head lay on his chest. When they came together it was like a love affair that had consummated and grown and increased in intensity over time…

“Mondo! Where are you?”

He was gone. His clothes were on the bed and draped over the chair, shoes on the floor. Fuck! She got up walked around the apartment. He wasn’t on the patio. The doors were locked from the inside the way she had set them when they came in.

“Well, what am I going to do with you Mondo?”

“Honestly Sunshine, I don’t know…I am kind of freaked. I have never teleported this way before…I mean this is like the travel modality I have always wanted to master.”

“This is too weird Mister…” She still held him and he held her…Godfuckingdamnit, he really loved her…this is just too weird. These were not the clothes he’d worn out with Diane.

“Well, I was just about to go to the liquor store before it closes. Tomorrow is Sunday and they don’t open till eleven…”

“Sunday, shit. It was Friday night at her house…”

“OK Mondo, that’s enough of this…we have to figure out how to get you home. I don’t know if I want you to stay here!”

Damn he was handsome and strong. She still held on to him. She could just stay there.

“Can I just ride you piggyback to the store? It’s only two blocks.”

She didn’t want to let go. It felt so safe and secure. Yet she also felt that he could be murderous and fucking diabolical and a dirty man slut…shit, dangerous to the touch…damn this feels good.

He released her. She had put her legs around his waist while holding him, and he could feel her warmth and was beginning to have a change in blood flow. It seemed time to push off for now.

“I’ll have to think about the piggy back…”

She wanted to bite him and taste his skin and blood…no, not really. She wanted to rake his back with her fingernails and bite his tongue…she wanted to sit quietly with him and just talk and wonder…

“OK lady, jump on!”

“Cool, you have to promise you will not let me love you very much…I am very scared. I almost pissed myself…” It wasn’t urine.

They went out the front door. She locked up.

“I’m ready old man!”

“I’m ready pretty lady.”

She jumped on. They walked the two blocks. She wasn’t sure about him. He wasn’t exactly like other men she’d been attracted to-other men she’d loved. He sure felt good.

“I am so blown away that I was 2500 miles away and now I am here. Fucking too weird.”

“Here’s the store!” they’d walked up a back street turned a corner, and there it was…a liquor store, next to a laundromat. She jumped off, grabbed his arm, hooking hers to it…she walked up to the counter.

“Captain Morgan, quart bottle, please…”

“I got this sweetie.” He smiled at her. As always a wad of cash in his left hip pocket, wallet and plastic in the right one.

“Well buddy, you won’t have any problem getting out of town will you?” By the way, I am not driving to the city! You know how I hate the place…”

Oddly enough, his phone was in his pocket.

“I’ll get a flight out tomorrow, no problem…”

“Where you going to stay tonight?” She with a shit eating grin…

“Couch me, please…don’t want you to get the wrong ideas…”

Bastard, she thought. How would he know what I want with him? I don’t know what I want with him.

Back at her place she got a little drunk…weird. She’d actually sobered up. They talked until dawn, fell asleep.

They woke up the first time…10am on her phone seven on his…her head was on his chest they’d purred while sleeping…

“I am too tired. You don’t have to leave yet, right?”

He didn’t say a word just looked at her.

“Alright we can go lay on the bed.”

He wiped sleep slightly away. “You promise you won’t take advantage of me?”

“No worries buster. Come on…”

This time she snuggled nicely. The fell back to sleep immediately. When they woke again it was 230PM.

“Shit, I’d better call the airport…”

“No, I feel safe, please stay…”

“OK.”

She was already asleep again. He fell out completely.

Much later. Later. It felt like YEARS and YEARS LATER, he woke up in this weird space outside, at the mouth of a cave by the shore of a lake. He felt he was standing. Gazing out at the horizon, he could see the Moon rising. Its reflection shimmering silver and gold in the lake. There was a loud bellowing like cattle but not cattle, like something very large, like a two ton bullfrog. There’s no goddamned frogs this large. There never was, not even 200 or 300 million years ago…Fuck, where am I, where is she? The water was black, opaque. Something was moving toward him without splashing. He couldn’t see it, barely hear it. Her head popped out, then her body…Damn, she was all wet glistening in the moonlight, beautiful, visual poetry.

“Hey you fucker. I am not that hot! Get your clothes off and get in this water with me. Catch me if you can.”

She slid back in and began backing out. He peeled off his clothes and came after her, swimming very close. She teased, keeping him at arm’s length.

“You ain’t getting it….naw, naw, naw…”

There was a huge splash, sending waves over their heads, erasing any romance or passion from the moment. Two large fishlike, no amphibian like eyes maybe a foot across moved toward them, staring dead on, chortling at boat motor volume.

This time, he’d eaten the scorpion…

 

 monsta frog

“You fucker! Where were you?”

Diane was on him with a passionate vengeance, naked. His hard curve past the navel steering into her with her greatest deliberation.

“Where the fuck did you go…you disappeared all day. I was scared shitless. Were you running around outside naked? Hmmmm.”

He looked at him, bearing down with all her strength on the length of him.

“Fucker, you weren’t under the bed. You weren’t hiding in the closet. The windows were locked!”

She had pushed him down flat and was jackhammering him, supine. She came. She came. She stopped. She started. She came. She could feel the semen rising up from his body and balls. He came in long hot, copious amounts that ran out of her onto him.

He passed out again.

 

He would fight this fucking monster with enchantment. Send it back through the abyss whence it came… she was on him from behind in the water keeping them both afloat while the frog monster came rushing at them full bore…

“Havawang, Chiatio Duxobum! Havawang! Ujachek, datk, datk…” the chant flew out of him with a great violence and she was terrified as a great, long, slimy tongue, covered with sharp bristles wrapped itself around them and in the sky a great winged serpent appeared, glowing red against the night sky…

 tiamat-chaos

To be continued…

©2015MHumunculero

Recover from recovery-a real strategy

Rather than therapy(which can help if result oriented, as process oriented is not so effective, is too costly, and takes too long), 12 Step Programs, and of course religion and spirituality.  Here comes a new strategy based on my own habit breaking techniques and those gleaned from others…

This is a basic treatise on this…I may cover each in depth in further blogs…

1.  Garner complete self acceptance without judgment.

this may seem overwhelming for those believing they have little self worth and lots of self deprecation.  A good technique can have great effect by writing down this problem and how you would advise yourself to get out of it.  Myriad ways that work are easily accessible in free books and on the internet.  Another useful technique is to find friends, associates, and family who care for you and have them tell you your positive character traits while you write them down…you can now make a list of these, stare into the mirror before bed and prefix each with the short phrase-I am-saying them out loud while staring deeply into your eyes…prefix these with the vocalized affirmation…I now completely accept myself without judgment…after this write down how this will cause you to change into a person loving oneself unconditionally

2.  Admit you have a harmful habit-look into it, explore it, write about how this has affected you and what your life will be like without it.

Very important: write out how you will break the habit love yourself and manage your affairs…

3.  Find people who will support you without judgment who will listen to you and only give you feedback when you ask for it.

REMEMBER AVOIDING TAKING ANYTHING PERSONALLY FROM ANYONE AND REALIZE THIS IS ABOUT THEM AND NOT YOU

4.  Learn a form of mindfulness meditation, exercise moderately, adjust to a healthy, toxic free diet—do this in ways that fit and produce beneficial results.

5.  Develop a completely new lifestyle away from the addiction supporting lifestyle. 

Write down what the old life was like and how your new life will reflect new beliefs, behaviors, thinking patterns, and a supportive environment.  Walk through this in the future from successful behaviors yourself or even others you identify with have used to make great success in this, even when you practiced the old addiction habit.  In practice of the new beliefs and behaviors give ourselves kudos and accolades whenever we have made progress…take stock of the progress and add to it in developing more productive future outcomes.

REMEMBER YOUR HAPPINESS AS A STATE…CALL UP THAT STATE NOW…INCREASE IT…STEP BACK OUT OF IT…STEP BACK IN INCREASE THE STATE AND ANCHOR IT WITH A GESTURE OR A VISUALIZATION ON THE WAY TO ITS ZENITH…REPEAT SEVERAL TIMES.  STEP OUT DO SOMETHING UNRELATED AND MAKE THE GESTURE…TEST AGAIN AND AGAIN REPEAT THE ABOVE STEP UNTIL YOU CAN BE HAPPY ANYTIME YOU DESIRE…

More on this shit later…

Water drops on green leaf
Water drops on green leaf

 

 

July 4th is judgment day

While she lay in judgment,
while she ranted in the dearth/death coitus,
while the flush came with rant allowed, accepted,
while the chant made demons of goddesses,
while the copious ceremony bored all with redundancy,
while dumbshit vows blasphemed holy profanity of lust,
and the foolish looked on like brainwashed Ayn Randian lemmings,
rife in the distress of American delusions,
unsustained,
Spawning folly into the abyss…
grtskull

GTFO-Phoenix-leave if you MUST and Stay and be responsible if you Love it…

THAT’S CORRECTO!!!

Wahhhhhhhhhhhh!! I hate this heat, I am going to move to a cooler climate…” 

“I am moving to San Diego, I want to live by the beach…” 

“I am moving to Oregon…”

I have been very happy when you have done this, because it shows me you don’t like it here in Phoenix for whatever reasons.  Personally, I am pleased you have done this because it shows you feel no responsibility rooted in a sense of place here.  So will you do the same thing when you move to the other place?  I am wagering most will(however, I do know some who do and have) NOT!

Naught. 

Nil. 

I love it when bands leave because they thought the “golden opportunity” was in LA.  Cool, you can pay to play.  Cool, you can get tossed out of A&R-which has changed drastically in the last several years only to find you’re better off making it on your own with a real business plan centered around live performance and merchandising revenue…blah, blah, blah…the rest of the entertainment world wannabes actors, film writers, and etc. 

Why is it many have moved back here or to here in Phoenix AFTER making it big?  Read ’em and weep y’all. 

Let me go on by saying I love the desert and I love Arizona, the land, the summer heat, and the natives…you expatriate motherfuckers are excused so long as you feel a sense of community and duty to the community by supporting local enterprise and investing in the people already here. 

AZ desert

And to you shit media consumers of the alarmist variety hung up on illegal immigration bullshit. 

Guess what you patriotic knuckleheads? 

This area was invaded by the US Army and annexed overtime from Mexico.  So when Mexican nationals come here, some of them think of it as an age old right of  “la Raza”.  When indigenous tribes want a piece of the action, please know where that comes from too…  The real deal comes when we invest well in Mexico so that jobs are plentiful and of livable wages there-most nationals would rather be there with their families enjoying the prosperity.  Please note; most of the responsibility for this comes from employers HERE who don’t want to pay a local fair wages and are more than willing to hire a “illegal”…whom BTW, mostly contribute a great deal economically to our local economy with their earnings, just like “legal” citzen/consumers. 

And to those of you aching to move to “Cali” to live by and go to the beach:  WTF will you do when the motherfucking place runs out of water and people start really freaking out?

Tell me how you like the traffic and the overpopulation and the economy.

You might wish you lived back in the desert where we do a better job of water conservation(with the exception of groundwater).  You motherfuckers from back East who bitch about the heat and etc…PLEASE GO HOME for fuck’s sake…most will be moving there anyway when the water problem peaks here. 

Lastly, have you “I love to fly and travel” motherfuckers looked at your carbon footprint lately and how you contribute to man made climate change rather than becoming a climate denier because the climate change shit interferes with your life style? 

Have you looked at the air at 30,000 feet where jets travel on inter continental flights lately?

30K air

So piss on you and your shitty selfish, “I want to see the world” mentality.  You ought to be developing WIN-WIN scenarios locally and socially so the bullshit in this photo comes to an end…

OH and here’s a couple of Cali shots for you wanting to emigrate there….

calisea trash cali drought1