For all the fucks given and lost

In the space between pain and the distraction from pain,

In eyes that want something they’ll see; the delusion of what they think they’ve gotten.

It got a little too worn out,

There was no party in the pain the chemicals eventually caused,

And living with pain did not make it bearable.

It made pain too much less a pleasure to achieve any worthy result.

 

So in others…causing pain worked for some moments,

Losing the illusion it had a luster of pleasure,

So someone told me they had to have those cigarettes and the

Booze rotting their guts and brains,

And all I saw seemed like tarred lungs and a besotted bleeding brains

And their tears of ongoing calamity and cheap melodrama unnecessary,

The musing fell off like piss and shit down a toilet,

I got grateful for the flushing.

 

Afterward sitting in rooms full of the self-piteous victims and their next would be perpetrators,

Triangulated by other perp-victims,

Waiting in line for a turn at that pain which looked like pleasure…

 

In all that nonsense, I saw you there and we conversed and got in rapport,

We seemed supported and cared for and we fucked and attempted to love,

And for quite some great collection of moments we loved and we fucked,

And we gave one another great pleasures,

You saw me through my demise coming through to live,

I could not see you through your madnesses and wonts to kill yourself,

It all seemed to go on the pain as you go delay plan

While I consumed your pussy in prolonged yet attenuated pleasure,

Leaving you to narcissism and the torture of boys with hateful mothers,

So she brought herself to me in longer years to come and come;

Hundreds of times she came easily,

Her pleasure blessings, longing for the

Divine blessing she found in the lesser resurrection

Forgoing my morning erections,

For the torture of an imaginary God friend’s love which never existed,

An egregore of delayed dissatisfaction,

Losing the mixture of our fluids during and after that which transcends the fucking.

 

Then you came and left too much,

Everything seemed important excepting the coupling you thought you cherished,

And you cringed at my pains and anger at the frustrations with living beyond all that,

So the relatives became more important and you and I less so…

 

Before this I saw a different you.

I had loved you long realizing later and sooner your narcissism would come to no good,

And watched your pain pill withdrawals and chemical driven obesity,

Briefly interrupted by a great many short orgasms and long deep comings,

And a desire for me to take care of you in ways which no Man can or would,

You paused our plodding at love with a night out wrong,

Seemingly dishonest like before,

And before when the real magicks seemed so driven and important

And the other males you wanted failed you,

And your husbands failed you,

And I left you before you could lie and say I failed you

While you continued to fail yourself

And wander painfully toward death on installments,

I distained at killing your distractions as they would come like endless ocean waves…

 

Now you come, fucking yourself over

Killing the endearing parts running from what works,

In the spoils of indulgence, wasted

Loving the devil of me,

Loving me as a Man,

So in this opus of your fatal deprecations,

The anchors of would be sorrows of this die before engulfing me,

And so we are gods, so we are partners…

While I go beyond divinity,

While I find some peace in my physical pains

And sorrow in mother’s death,

And my old good friends death caused by the same victim path

Killing you all so slowly

So slowly

In self-hateful murder disguised as suicide whilst

I kill my ego one more time…

WinonaRyder@SexAndDeath101

©mondohumunculero 2015

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