Coffee, coffee and devil’s cake too…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

amodern devil

The coffee shop opened at 5 am.

 

She had done an all – nighter preparing for another useless business task at a price that fills the pockets of her masters.

Someone else came up out of the earth at that moment. Heavy density, the origin like gravity, like the 4th force of the universe. He, She, it, animate, inanimate, phantom like yet harder and denser than the most dense matter from the stars. This life form he was dealing with had reached a its dead end. Of course, this often happens with many species. They reach a point where they cannot adapt and survive Will these humans evolve into another humanoid like form? Will they be able to adapt to the conditions they have created in their foolish lack of forsight?  

Not to worry, it would feel nice to do some whimsical things.

It reached into itself and pulled out several scenarios.

In this moment, a handsome young man made his way to the coffee bar. Behind him came our female friend lost in her anxiety over finishing her work project. She could smell him, sending a warm wave from her third eye to her groin. She saw herself with this man, whereupon he turned around. He very gently placed a hand in the small of her back. He looked into her eyes, and she pressed her mouth on his, touching the tip of his tongue with hers.

This was like a dream come true. How could this happen this way? How could this happen so quickly?

He ordered his coffee with his arm around her waist, she nuzzling her nose and lips into his neck. She felt very secure and confident for what she had to do in an hour and a half and he ordered exactly what she wanted without having to ask. They got their coffee and retired to a table outside obscured from the view of others. They took a few sips of their coffee, staring each into each other’s eyes, hands touching. She had on a skirt to her knees, no panties; a plaid with blues, greens and black with a black skin tight top, no bra. Her voice made his cock rock hard. She sensed it and opened his pants, freeing it in into the morning air. Her right hand found the tip giving the motion, which is perfect for him while his tongue probed her mouth, leaving the coffees on the table. Soon she was in his lap, burying his cock in her wet quim, and squeezing it with the muscles made fit from those hundreds of thousands of Kegels she did for years. They kissed wildly. Her vagina massaged that rock hard pulsing penis and felt the cum rising out of his balls several times, which she halted mid shaft, giving him the shivers of body orgasms she was experiencing. For some reason, this drew people walking by.

People pulled in, parked, getting out of their cars, getting some coffee of their own, some of them engaging in their own orgies and couplings. Meanwhile, on the street, two cars smashed head on with a fire truck close behind them, full of firefighters also after their coffee. They parked mid street, walked in and ordered before they extracted the injured and dead from the wreck.

Our friend from up out of the earth was laughing now. Here once again, some sex and death with a decrepit species. It wasn’t the great energy fucks he was used to in his interdimensional travels. Not so unlike other lower life forms he encountered, conjugating and fucking and exchanging genetic information. This is a species fast becoming infertile. Not only in body, also in thinking and neuro evolution. It felt pleasant to watch death filling the street with blood and shit from spilled guts, and to feel the fucking and the bodily fluid exchange from those who were oblivious to the carnage which had occurred outside.

Now in another dream on another day, the new POTUS and his cronies had gathered together to cause the destruction of the administration they hated so much. In this moment, the generals and the elite strike force they created needed for such a coup and execution, rushed into the room, weapons raised, killing all. At that point, another weapon was introduced, which disintegrates organic matter, and all traces of them vanished. Not even dust remained.

Back at the coffee shop on that other day, people changed partners and continued to fuck and fuck and fuck. The firefighters watched and drank their coffee. The cops showed up, the forensics team showed up. A lady coroner arrived who should have been a pin up in some men’s magazine from the 1950s. She grabbed the battalion chief on the fire truck who was another pin up from the calendars some cougar women hang on their walls. They grabbed each other and lay in the blood and shit and piss in the street and created a fuck fest spectacle that even the worst scat porn people will shit their pants watching….

 

 

 

©Copyright 2017 Humunculero

She does and can

She fucked me and I slept well.

Yes, she crawled in my bed with me after a couple of days of affection.  She lay next to me enjoying her sleep, having her rest.  And there in a presence of “maybe he’ll wake up and we’ll have a passionate three-day fuck and love fest”, I did wake up with a throbbing hurt.  It seemed so proud like a blurred vision for some and sharp for others of an ever-lengthening Priapus moment.  We celebrated each other. I knew her every inch, passionately in touch, smell and the vision and sounds of her writhing in ecstasy.

She had little use for my compassionate masculinity of well lived in BALLS.

She held tightly and kissed perfectly.  She grasped the explosions of my innermost fuckIloveyouandyouknowitastrue.

When she isolated and separated temporarily I got busy for my day like always.  It always worked in the end and at least served as a reminder about keeping on and moving forward no matter what.  In good faith, it didn’t work to take anything to do with her personally.  Both of us did what we thought we wanted to do almost regardless of consequences which got fewer and fewer in keeping our word to ourselves.  Yes, there occurred anger and consternation.  Yes, we argued at lower and lower volume. Yes, we planned better than make up sex.

I got to act like a force field around her vulnerability.  Just presence and appreciation makes it work.

It generates in parts from both of us.

She came through the field with creative action enthralling everyone in various ways.

 

 

 

©humunculero2017

Honesty and Dishonesty

The facts are in – almost everyone acts dishonest at least occasionally.

Seemingly most of it entails situations which don’t have much importance to the individual lying.

So those of us who think we practice complete honesty and transparency may find ourselves from time to time lying or engaging in something not quite transparent. 

The Matrix Experiment found most people will cheat to some extent

https://www.elsevier.com/editors-update/story/publishing-ethics/a-fascinating-experiment-into-measuring-dishonesty

 

“Over 40,000 people, from all walks of life, participated in The Matrix Experiments.

What did we find?

  • On average, people solved four problems but reported solving six.
  • Nearly 70% cheated.
  • Only 20 out of the 40,000 were “big cheaters”, people who claimed to have solved all 20 problems. They cost the experiment $400.
  • We also found more than 28,000 “little cheaters” who cost the experiment $50,000.”

One study has shown up to 60% of people lie

“The study, published in the journal’s June issue, found that 60 percent of people lied at least once during a 10-minute conversation and told an average of two to three lies.”

https://www.umass.edu/newsoffice/article/umass-amherst-researcher-finds-most-people-lie-everyday-conversation

Men and women lie for distinct reasons:

““Women were more likely to lie to make the person they were talking to feel good, while men lied most often to make themselves look better,” Feldman said.”

” “It’s tied in with self-esteem,” says University of Massachusetts psychologist Robert Feldman. “We find that as soon as people feel that their self-esteem is threatened, they immediately begin to lie at higher levels.”

https://www.livescience.com/772-lie.html

So possibly it boils down to self-esteem.  If our self-esteem gets mostly genuine and we practice impeccability with our words, thoughts and actions we might lie a little bit less.  In doing this it gets very helpful to realize while we aim for 100% honesty, the first step of this may come in remaining honest with ourselves and when we discern we have lied to ourselves, stop it at the level of belief and thought so the poison doesn’t flow well from our mouths.  This means non-judgement, positive or negative.  It also means we will do our best to practice feeling loving toward ourselves individually.

In my own life, this provided an opportunity to use honesty to improve my life.  In work, it meant telling the truth about products and services so customers could make their decision based on facts with little embellishment.  It also meant telling my friends and family the truth more consistently.  Mostly I found I had to say less.  I didn’t have to support anyone with false embellishments or unnecessary compliments as making someone feel better about themselves with a lie will sooner or later get discovered and my credibility with them would suffer and the relationship would weaken seriously.

I have looked at my beliefs about myself.  The teachings from parents as a child served as helpful contradictions.  My mother gave me statements about me being a special person with extraordinary talent and ability and my father told me I would never amount to anything unless I learned to work hard for everything and this would start with deprecating statements about my behavior.  I had a lot of shame to overcome and it’s not all gone.  This affords me the opportunity to work with it consistently.

A new belief which helped me had to do with first accepting I had ultimate worth on the eternal scale of value, this served me until the realization came regarding the nonexistence of self.  No self, no self-esteem needed.  This contradicted the pop psychology of its reverse theories.  In this model, all seems connected to doing and actions which come from beliefs, thought, and feelings.  Seemingly we a feedback cyclicity of thoughts producing feelings and behaviors feeding back on prevailing beliefs many of which wound up erroneous.  In changing the beliefs and stopping the limiting thoughts from guiding actions I had to do less to keep myself honest.  It also meant offering less up in unsolicited feedback, something which seemed to prevail in the “meetings” of the twelve-step cult I attended for a couple of decades.  One of the best actions I took had to do with getting away from it and the toxicity in words spoken there, when really the only thing which worked well came from the love in unspoken support.  Knowing I am loved and encouraged to love myself made me feel love for myself and others almost unconditionally.

Since moving on from there I have made beneficial and limiting decisions about my life and I dedicate myself, imperfectly, to improving beliefs, thinking, and behaviors and calling up humble, loving feelings for myself.  Much of this has come in taking better care of my body and general health.  Along the way I have been able to genuinely help some others, giving me more loving feelings in general.

In the ongoing set of conclusions, having a multifaceted set of perspectives helps me to less judgmental conclusions and statements.  Looking at what I say based on observations before I say them – this takes a lot of mindfulness to do it effectively and I have sometimes gone to almost angry extremes to defend my stated perceptions about situations only to have to make amends for the behavior in stopping myself from doing it again and making things right in my best way possible.

Honesty it seems, ought to concern the truth and truth comes from knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt.  Reporting what happened, how I thought and felt seems like about all I can do regarding this.  Mostly, I strive to practice concise brevity as it gets too easy to slip into conjecture and verbose rhetoric.  In the utmost sense it looks like the less I believe about anything, the better as it leaves me more open to varied interpretations and perceptions which may have more objectivity.  If this seems self negating and contradictory, that will turn out a reader perspective.  I tend to characterize it more as a paradox like many other things human.

Everything-we-hear-is-an-opinion-not-a-fact.-Everything-we-see-is-a-perspective-not-the-truth.-Marcus-Aurelius

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

©2017MHumunculero

A THREE-FOLD FILTER

In my most existentialist beliefs, I learned to view my “self” (egoistic construct as coping mechanism?) in three relationships.

  1. my relationship to myself

  2. my relationship to others

  3. my relationship to God or divine source

All of this I had pondered as a teenager, who, having massive insecurities, questioned my consciousness and the illusion of existence.  Mahayana Buddhist philosophy seemed a way toward the inner peace of knowing I didn’t exist and nothing was real.  My job seemed about learning and practicing the eight-fold path, in the NOW.  Much of this awareness seemed to come from psychedelic experiences.  In short, the best trips involved the knowing and feeling of connectedness to the fundamental forces which unify the seeming ALL.  Later, in discovering the Eight circuits of consciousness in Leary’s model, it seemed I had bounced between the seventh and eighth circuits in the perceptions of in and out of body experiences, missing a much of the sixth circuit (metaprogramming).

The main divine connection felt like the motherlode of all, the feeling of complete connectedness which started physically and eventually got perceived as “pure” consciousness.  This perception and how it feels remains tangible and at once unfathomable and infinite beyond physical perception.  To label it otherwise seems like a blasphemy except for purposes of illumination.  It can take many forms which can work to model traits, actions and characteristics of various entities in the accomplishment of my purpose.  Finding purpose seemed the fundament, even though the “I” had little idea as such.

I acted in vain to define myself through others and my relations to them.  This reality tunnel mostly failed because I had little purpose and no realization of its presence or formation.  In this my ego gravitated to self-annihilation in a limited set.  This wound up in self-deprecation and self-loathing to the point of the desire to painlessly dissolve and disappear from this world.  This state proved painfully unrewarding.  It seemed like a denial of hedonism giving only frustration, shame, and depressions which seemed unending. Still trapped in the belief telling me intellectual understanding provided a solution and solace little progress occurred.

It must have happened via too much drug use in various combinations this thinking eventually said as the beliefs of parents, professionals and preachers worked as the predominant patterns.  Charismatic Christianity and the attendant nonsense served like a way out of the mess of all of it in my early twenties leaving only too much angst about life.  Finally, it gave way to some lesser materialist viewpoints of those around me and I once again took on the phony embrace of my perception of the American Dream.  My earlier pre-Christian views got submerged beneath the religiosity and my hypocritical practice of it.  Once again, more angst about life.

In my early and mid-thirties, it seemed apparent this way of living did not work well and my obligation to personal responsibilities slipped out the window.  Finally, at thirty-four years old a basic plan emerged.  Get away from the drugs and people who use drugs.  I did it and exchanged that addiction to the cult obeisance of the cult of Narcotics Anonymous.  This I embraced along with intellectual and contrived meditations of the Tao, seen and unseen.  The eight-fold path also got corresponded with the 12 Steps of NA, at first seemingly very open and accepting of other correspondences to the cult.  Fortunately, the most powerful tool in overcoming addiction – peer support worked to knock the malady down and got me to realize the self I had formed previously and presently.  I saw the folly of attempting to discover my “true self” and who I am or had been and the overblown significance in my belief system in those times.  After years of practice in those steps and living the lies of an apologist via tolerating believers, I knew I didn’t have a disease and the “program” as very toxic unless adapted to a more humane, less self-deprecating model.  I sought less and less peer approval in developing self-esteem and began to live my life as I saw fit with confidence.  It took about fifteen to twenty years to realize the program didn’t serve me and I didn’t need to count votes pro or con amongst peers who remained or left the “Program”.  In this a self-got realized and actualized.  I had an identity with less contrivance out of social, professional, and familial acceptability.  I had embarked on a more genuine relationship with myself with less ego traps.

Still, there seemed a great deal of selfishness so I consistently performed unselfish acts.  Some had ulterior motive in a caretaking sense, others out of duty to others, and others still for the joy of doing something unselfishly.

In the mid to late teens, I wanted to depend on others for my view of myself instead of using them as a reflection of my actions and attitude which I grew into later. It seemed to get out of control in my mid-twenties to early thirties due to self-delusions resulting in erroneous perception filters and erratic actions.  I took everything too personally, felt threatened constantly and used my words as poisoned munitions against myself and others – beliefs and behaviors which have taken many years to replace.  Today, still a work in progress.

I have much affection for many friends, family, and lovers.  I attempt to find out what makes them feel loved and if it doesn’t compromise my self-care, I give to them.  It gets a little tough when I engage with people who have behaviors which I tend to take personally so I strive to stay away from those situations and appreciate them at a safe distance.  In my drive to be loved by others, I must pay attention and determine if I am seeking reciprocation from the unwilling and willing yet incapable of it.  Most of my disappointments with others have origins in the latterly so constant vigilance with a minimum, if not devoid of self-judgement seem necessary.

From this value comes in taking care of me so I can serve others and myself in a realization of the all connectedness I feel when out of the self-created anxieties of daily life.

©2017mhumunculero

Zard origins or the beginnings of beginnings

azard land

 

 

“We have an interest in you Mondo…”

 

The voice was resonating into the top of his head, “What will you do when we tell you all? We must have to start somewhere in your own terms. Our race has evolved an inter-species from two species of different worlds and the primordial human genomes as we can explain it to you. We are related to you more than you know and you can have offspring with us in our female like forms. We have seven differing “sexes” as you might call them. Five of them are more female like than male with three exclusive female multi sexes when have seven complimentary pairs of chromosomes defining sex. All of them work mutably with conscious input…”

“I’m absorbing, as you can tell, this shit just fine. If you’re looking for a sperm donor, I think my swimmer count is low, owing to the age of the germinal epithelium and its ability to reproduce those little bastard makers. I find it interesting you’d want to breed with me. My DNA is loaded with most of the human DNA on the planet as you no doubt know. As long as I get to fuck these females and it’s a good time, I think I’m in…”

“HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA, HAHAHAHAHAH…human males, always thinking about the neural payoff. And of course, we know you give off theta and gamma waves which heal and transform and create interspecies larvae in the information stream.”

“Should be a hella good time with you lizard bitches, I can feel me pulsing like a longer jizzing version of a boar cock. Squirting out little entities filled with the accumulated tasks and the abilities to make them real outcomes. We’ve turned shit into shinola and bio lead into bio platinum, hate into love, and indifference into universal compassion. We’ve made nightmares into daydreams and daydreams into new worlds where Gods are monsters and Monsters eat Gods like I do demons. Roping them and earring them down like horses and calves. Yeah, this is a fuckfest magical rodeo complete with chimeric spawn. I think I am gonna sink my teeth into your scaly, slick, soft neck skin and hold you like a stud horse mounting a horsing mare… Oh yeah.”

She-it-they grasped him gently with their sharp razored talons and breathed an ether into his mouth, anus, and into his urethral opening, causing his transformation and the sprouting of a second cock slightly below his current member. They got hurt my balls hard and she-it-they grabbed both, sliding them into her cloaca which bifurcated and sucked up both cocks, elongating them to dual cervices. She then began a vaginal serpentine series of undulations on his penises, moving in harmony, teasing and testing the very best she-it-they offered. After many long moments of variations and new synthesis a load like he’d never shot rose out of his balls which had turned greenish purple grapefruit sized. She-it-they writhed in their own multiple sets of ecstasy you’d have had to have been there to understand as it was multidimensional in content. , he contributed and she manufactured and delivered it.

Two hours later.

“Goddamn! You make my

shit explode. I feel like I could fuck a hundred more times and like I am a dead ton of flesh on the downside shift.” He had rolled off her backside and she smiled back at him, a lizard woman turning fashion model, black metal star gorgeous now with a seemingly singular physicality.

“Mondo, this is not all we will do with you. We will lay an egg and hatch a lizard bitch internally. The egg will hatch out a monsterling which fast grows into a creature of a similar look to me, complete with mature mentality. For as you shall learn this means works as one of our portals to recreating and synthesizing our previous forms. In this we find a longevity approaching immortality. We come from interior realms in the earth’s core. A network of cities beneath the earth, completely self-sustaining and networked with our kinds throughout our meanders through this galaxy and others…”

“Yeah, I sure feel something more than the four worlds I already walk in now. Like I could warp into other dimensional realms more easily than the most technical magic I have ever used or developed before this. Wow, I just went and came back…it seems I left for quite some time! What the fuck???”

She beguiled with a smile a voice with crappy small guitar amp sounding reverb. He almost expected her to sport a paper mache head of some lizard from a bad, 1950s sci-fi grade z film.

He had been in a different body and part of a set of many minds, now a set of different bodies with many identities living in different worlds, shifting between them at intervals the average human would see as so many fast occurring images like blurred video in analog translations. At once, a colonial set of higher life forms with a networked consciousness, riding on information streams.

And now he was that old Star moving from star cluster to galaxy clusters to the garden where the little flowering star had come back to orbit for a great long span of star moments. She shined upon him and inside of him and birthed little stardust gas clusters which became new galaxies out of her little flowering blue – green starbursts. He absorbed the essence of all this and lived this like star occurring living forms do and do and do…

 

 

to be continued.

©2017mhumunculero

recovery

recovery

[ri-kuhv-uh-ree] 

Spell Syllables

 

  1. the regaining of or possibility of regaining something lost or takenaway.

 

  1. restoration or return to health from sickness.

 

  1. restoration or return to any former and better state or condition.

 

When we discuss the term in terms of overcoming addiction we know the consensus definition in the majority of addiction “recovery” communities comes from the disease model:

  1. restoration or return to health from sickness.

When many discover addiction is not a disease this term gets erroneous. 

Most will apologize by taking on

  1. restoration or return to any former and better state or condition.

However, this is out of context.

When we return, or move forward to another state from those which occur in addiction it has to do with belief and behavioral modification after detoxification in the case of drugs/alcohol and moderation or abstinence in other behavioral variants like gambling, sex, food, and etc.  Each of which may require a peculiar first strategy.

In moving away from the highly unsuccessful 12 Step model – it’s not attractive to most who have a problem with addiction, mostly having to do with the religiosity involved and the cultist atmosphere in meetings along with the attendant brainwashing.  There are some out of the many who experience addiction whom have had success in overcoming addictions and went on to live productive happy lives.  Most of the data indicates people stop and change on their own without treatment or without a 12 Step program.

The numbers are too woefully small to give great kudos to the Stepper model.  It seems best described as working for some.

Moving beyond the latterly model (I used it for 23 years and found addiction a symptom of erroneous beliefs and traumatic imprints, leaving the value of twelve steps as a superficial fix instead of a complete renovation) I didn’t have a spiritual problem as there was no spirit involved except attitude and the relativism of terms as such had to get cast aside. I had a problem with self-loathing which a God could not change.  It made me want to check out of reality.  I woke up every day hating myself and life, basically staying busy, just to stay busy and getting loaded hoping to somehow make my life bearable.  I had successes more than failures and some very acute “bottoms”.  The reality seemed a chronic depression enhanced by drugs.

Rather than go through the many regimens I worked to get this out of me I can tell you it boiled down to assessing how well I had loved and respected myself and how I would improve it. 

I decided to love myself and my life and over time things changed and got better so if a lapse in my self-care occurred I learned to right myself at some point and experience greater improvement.  To this day, I am still improving not expecting perfection (another erroneous term IMO).

Key in these things, I believe, comes from making a decision and developing a plan to stop, moderate, change behavior and belief, and learn to love and appreciate life.  Practicing the cherishing of ourselves on a consistent, daily basis has given great benefits.  For me the biggest changes came when I decided my attitude had everything to do with my treatment of myself and others.  Not thinking the best or the worst – staying out of judgements of any kind and sticking with impeccable belief, thought, and action patterns and realizing mistakes will be made and new strategies can develop from them.  Productive strategies which give collectively beneficial results.

I have also seen the value of loving support from those who truly love us, no strings attached.  I also believe this has an integral part in conquering addiction and learning to live a life of self-love and appreciation inside an outside this bag of flesh, housing consciousness.

 

©2017mhumunculero

Forgiveness – an unnecessary term

aachecks

 

 

 

 

 

Over and over we see blog posts and articles telling us forgiveness is essential for self-development and inner peace.

Forgiveness winds up rarely necessary and in the best cases seems arbitrary and apologist in context, opening the door when boundaries are weak, for more abuses.

Forgiveness has little necessity in my experience, when I can keep my word to myself and not take things personally which people, organizations and institutions do in the course of their aims and behaviors. 

When I vow to myself to practice discretion in all my affairs without letting it degrade to paranoia by making assumptions about a situation or person, I can find the practical, most logical path and avoid or deal with people and situations. 

This means I diligently watch people.  I have to watch people, their speech and behaviors and observe their consistency.  When their behavior does not match their statements and claims consistently, they can be avoided or only have limited influence in my affairs.  When they lie, cheat, and steal I strive to avoid them at all costs and if there’s a necessity in dealing with them, strict boundaries and limited interaction wind up a must.

Recently, I got a call from someone who had lied extensively and stole from me while gas lighting to others about me, attempting to normalize their behavior by projecting their lack of integrity and dishonesty back on myself.  The person repeatedly stated how sorry they feel for these things they had done and asked if I would be interested in friendship.  I did not reply to this, except to state what my interests were in a relationship.  I further stated and reiterated how apologies are hollow without actions to right the wrongs committed and asked how this would get accomplished. Duh, if you don’t replace items lost, stolen, or destroyed, and treat me with integrity, apologies have little value. The answers given were satisfying; however follow-up has been poor – consistent with previous behaviors and the lack of integrity, honesty, and decisive actions taken.  I find it best to wait and see, without judgement or condemnation, what may come next

The problem here has to do with trust, an essential element in forgiveness along with understanding and compassion.  I have learned in practice, trust, for the most part has little use in the course of human affairs as it gets viewed with too much idealism to have lasting value.  People do what they do and I can at best, work with probabilities of them acting consistently.  It seems, in my perception, most people have consistent patterns of behavior.  When I slow down to observe them, I can discern what might have a probability of a person performing on promises or agreements.  This means I interact with them accordingly.

When they have acted as the person above, I attempt to wait and see what they’ll do.  If they lack transparency and consistent integrity which practically matches my own I work hard not to make assumptions and expectations based on how I want them to behave with me.  This means I let go and move on to more consistent interactions which have win – win, mutual benefit.

Sometimes this has happened with family and it can have poor import when I expect too much.  There’s one close family member I have who I cosigned a loan for, stipulating he’d make all the payments in a timely manner until paid in full – which he did for a time.  As time went on, he lied about making payments and when the chief collection agency called me I found he was 78 payments behind on a $1500.00 balance.  He lied repeatedly about setting up a working payment plan with this entity and is still behind, leaving my credit in arrears.  When I contacted the collection agency and made a settlement offer, they did not respond in writing to my written request, wanting to use telephone collection tactics to attempt working with me.  Since all this, I have ended my relationship with this family member until he makes good on our agreement and either pays off the loan and allows me to clear my credit or the company mentioned deals with me and the family member pays me in full.  Based on behavior, I find it reasonable to think both will perform consistent with previous behavior.  \

I have also found others who maintain relationships with individuals I mentioned and those performing similarly will practice apologist behavior regarding them.  I observe them with caution from a distance.

Forgiveness only serves well when apologist beliefs tell me I will need to forgive in order to let go and extinguish any resentments.  I have found this a waste of time.  When I don’t take the person’s behavior personally and don’t waste time and energies staying angry and developing resentments and keep my word to love and honor myself, I don’t have to forgive them and have fewer feelings and thoughts regarding the situations.  Very simply, I let go.  In the same vein, it does not mean I cease pursuing the reparations and amends of behavior from the violators.  Usually they are pursued unceasingly and dispassionately until I have established an end to it.  This means I persistently ask for and if possible seek legal means to achieve satisfaction without judgement of personality and public or internal condemnation.  Letting go means I let go of anger and resentment and pursue relentlessly out of principle.  Should those ends not find satisfaction due to the inability of the offenders to make right their offenses, all pursuits will suspend or cease without enmity or thought of revenge.  It also means, friendship will remain optional based on subsequent behaviors.

©2016Checks

delete

AS ROME BURNS

AS ROME BURNS

 

You’ve got geodes on your nails,

You have abs like a pole vaulter,

You find yourself immersed in reality waste of time TV,

You’ve met men and don’t know it,

You want a leader and you won’t lead yourself,

Rome is burning and bags of saline on your chest and cock surgery do not help,

 

Rome is burning, the forests are dying,

fools believe these apocalyptic fairy tales,

They think they’ll be lifted into heaven

And don’t see their kingdom within the now,

And a disgrace to Orangs everywhere thinks he can lead a country,

Rome burns and he wants the next batch of profits,

 

Some people seem to appreciate and feel each other,

Some people seem to listen,

We don’t need more babies from you who don’t parent yourselves,

We won’t need any more self-indulgences,

Puking carbon into the sky,

Rome is burning and the oceans are dying,

 

Some of us do somethings which inspire others of us

To do the things which can save us all,

Yet too few really have a willingness to fight,

The corporations get richer and the poor get poorer,

People don’t go to the board rooms and slay these oppressors,

Rome is burning and the birds are dying,

 

Too many want to live by the ocean,

Too much trash floats out to sea,

There’s lead in the water,

And while people seem to get more intelligent,

They refuse to get up and refuse to do anything,

They don’t want to believe it and stand in the midst of a burning empire.

 

Rome is burning and there seems not enough remorse to salvage this world.

 

 

©2016mhumunculero

High Tides

 

Sleep about me in your bedroom repositionings,
nightside,
Stepped aside for my wont,
Your desire deep and long and craving,
Starving for the presence of me,
the appreciation given,
the time indulged,
the affectation of the affections sought and
bestowed like lavished gifts,
Like parades into a heart-space of feelings,
Not unlike tears,
Not unlike unborn mingled thought-forms of lust/love;
Urging and engaging
Swelling and gone worrisome
Thinned and spent
Like emptied water bladders,
Mechanical hearts, fluid drained
With a will to connect
And connect,
And connect…

©2015MHumunculero

il-02

GTFO-Phoenix-leave if you MUST and Stay and be responsible if you Love it…

THAT’S CORRECTO!!!

Wahhhhhhhhhhhh!! I hate this heat, I am going to move to a cooler climate…” 

“I am moving to San Diego, I want to live by the beach…” 

“I am moving to Oregon…”

I have been very happy when you have done this, because it shows me you don’t like it here in Phoenix for whatever reasons.  Personally, I am pleased you have done this because it shows you feel no responsibility rooted in a sense of place here.  So will you do the same thing when you move to the other place?  I am wagering most will(however, I do know some who do and have) NOT!

Naught. 

Nil. 

I love it when bands leave because they thought the “golden opportunity” was in LA.  Cool, you can pay to play.  Cool, you can get tossed out of A&R-which has changed drastically in the last several years only to find you’re better off making it on your own with a real business plan centered around live performance and merchandising revenue…blah, blah, blah…the rest of the entertainment world wannabes actors, film writers, and etc. 

Why is it many have moved back here or to here in Phoenix AFTER making it big?  Read ’em and weep y’all. 

Let me go on by saying I love the desert and I love Arizona, the land, the summer heat, and the natives…you expatriate motherfuckers are excused so long as you feel a sense of community and duty to the community by supporting local enterprise and investing in the people already here. 

AZ desert

And to you shit media consumers of the alarmist variety hung up on illegal immigration bullshit. 

Guess what you patriotic knuckleheads? 

This area was invaded by the US Army and annexed overtime from Mexico.  So when Mexican nationals come here, some of them think of it as an age old right of  “la Raza”.  When indigenous tribes want a piece of the action, please know where that comes from too…  The real deal comes when we invest well in Mexico so that jobs are plentiful and of livable wages there-most nationals would rather be there with their families enjoying the prosperity.  Please note; most of the responsibility for this comes from employers HERE who don’t want to pay a local fair wages and are more than willing to hire a “illegal”…whom BTW, mostly contribute a great deal economically to our local economy with their earnings, just like “legal” citzen/consumers. 

And to those of you aching to move to “Cali” to live by and go to the beach:  WTF will you do when the motherfucking place runs out of water and people start really freaking out?

Tell me how you like the traffic and the overpopulation and the economy.

You might wish you lived back in the desert where we do a better job of water conservation(with the exception of groundwater).  You motherfuckers from back East who bitch about the heat and etc…PLEASE GO HOME for fuck’s sake…most will be moving there anyway when the water problem peaks here. 

Lastly, have you “I love to fly and travel” motherfuckers looked at your carbon footprint lately and how you contribute to man made climate change rather than becoming a climate denier because the climate change shit interferes with your life style? 

Have you looked at the air at 30,000 feet where jets travel on inter continental flights lately?

30K air

So piss on you and your shitty selfish, “I want to see the world” mentality.  You ought to be developing WIN-WIN scenarios locally and socially so the bullshit in this photo comes to an end…

OH and here’s a couple of Cali shots for you wanting to emigrate there….

calisea trash cali drought1

waited

waited

waited/weighted

life feels better sometimes
her eyes say
her eyes stay hidden with the I love yous
tortured by her mind
bewildered
the trust long gone
LONG forgotten,
She always remembers me,
thinks of me
wishes me there…

showing up,
turning around,
seeing me here
always
vestibule home for this face,
passions deep into her stations
again and again and again,
she looks behind her asking
where
turning around
I am here,
smiling, she knows she loves me
tells me in another place

We’re partnered apart these long years…

©2015mhumunculero