She does and can

She fucked me and I slept well.

Yes, she crawled in my bed with me after a couple of days of affection.  She lay next to me enjoying her sleep, having her rest.  And there in a presence of “maybe he’ll wake up and we’ll have a passionate three-day fuck and love fest”, I did wake up with a throbbing hurt.  It seemed so proud like a blurred vision for some and sharp for others of an ever-lengthening Priapus moment.  We celebrated each other. I knew her every inch, passionately in touch, smell and the vision and sounds of her writhing in ecstasy.

She had little use for my compassionate masculinity of well lived in BALLS.

She held tightly and kissed perfectly.  She grasped the explosions of my innermost fuckIloveyouandyouknowitastrue.

When she isolated and separated temporarily I got busy for my day like always.  It always worked in the end and at least served as a reminder about keeping on and moving forward no matter what.  In good faith, it didn’t work to take anything to do with her personally.  Both of us did what we thought we wanted to do almost regardless of consequences which got fewer and fewer in keeping our word to ourselves.  Yes, there occurred anger and consternation.  Yes, we argued at lower and lower volume. Yes, we planned better than make up sex.

I got to act like a force field around her vulnerability.  Just presence and appreciation makes it work.

It generates in parts from both of us.

She came through the field with creative action enthralling everyone in various ways.

 

 

 

©humunculero2017

Honesty and Dishonesty

The facts are in – almost everyone acts dishonest at least occasionally.

Seemingly most of it entails situations which don’t have much importance to the individual lying.

So those of us who think we practice complete honesty and transparency may find ourselves from time to time lying or engaging in something not quite transparent. 

The Matrix Experiment found most people will cheat to some extent

https://www.elsevier.com/editors-update/story/publishing-ethics/a-fascinating-experiment-into-measuring-dishonesty

 

“Over 40,000 people, from all walks of life, participated in The Matrix Experiments.

What did we find?

  • On average, people solved four problems but reported solving six.
  • Nearly 70% cheated.
  • Only 20 out of the 40,000 were “big cheaters”, people who claimed to have solved all 20 problems. They cost the experiment $400.
  • We also found more than 28,000 “little cheaters” who cost the experiment $50,000.”

One study has shown up to 60% of people lie

“The study, published in the journal’s June issue, found that 60 percent of people lied at least once during a 10-minute conversation and told an average of two to three lies.”

https://www.umass.edu/newsoffice/article/umass-amherst-researcher-finds-most-people-lie-everyday-conversation

Men and women lie for distinct reasons:

““Women were more likely to lie to make the person they were talking to feel good, while men lied most often to make themselves look better,” Feldman said.”

” “It’s tied in with self-esteem,” says University of Massachusetts psychologist Robert Feldman. “We find that as soon as people feel that their self-esteem is threatened, they immediately begin to lie at higher levels.”

https://www.livescience.com/772-lie.html

So possibly it boils down to self-esteem.  If our self-esteem gets mostly genuine and we practice impeccability with our words, thoughts and actions we might lie a little bit less.  In doing this it gets very helpful to realize while we aim for 100% honesty, the first step of this may come in remaining honest with ourselves and when we discern we have lied to ourselves, stop it at the level of belief and thought so the poison doesn’t flow well from our mouths.  This means non-judgement, positive or negative.  It also means we will do our best to practice feeling loving toward ourselves individually.

In my own life, this provided an opportunity to use honesty to improve my life.  In work, it meant telling the truth about products and services so customers could make their decision based on facts with little embellishment.  It also meant telling my friends and family the truth more consistently.  Mostly I found I had to say less.  I didn’t have to support anyone with false embellishments or unnecessary compliments as making someone feel better about themselves with a lie will sooner or later get discovered and my credibility with them would suffer and the relationship would weaken seriously.

I have looked at my beliefs about myself.  The teachings from parents as a child served as helpful contradictions.  My mother gave me statements about me being a special person with extraordinary talent and ability and my father told me I would never amount to anything unless I learned to work hard for everything and this would start with deprecating statements about my behavior.  I had a lot of shame to overcome and it’s not all gone.  This affords me the opportunity to work with it consistently.

A new belief which helped me had to do with first accepting I had ultimate worth on the eternal scale of value, this served me until the realization came regarding the nonexistence of self.  No self, no self-esteem needed.  This contradicted the pop psychology of its reverse theories.  In this model, all seems connected to doing and actions which come from beliefs, thought, and feelings.  Seemingly we a feedback cyclicity of thoughts producing feelings and behaviors feeding back on prevailing beliefs many of which wound up erroneous.  In changing the beliefs and stopping the limiting thoughts from guiding actions I had to do less to keep myself honest.  It also meant offering less up in unsolicited feedback, something which seemed to prevail in the “meetings” of the twelve-step cult I attended for a couple of decades.  One of the best actions I took had to do with getting away from it and the toxicity in words spoken there, when really the only thing which worked well came from the love in unspoken support.  Knowing I am loved and encouraged to love myself made me feel love for myself and others almost unconditionally.

Since moving on from there I have made beneficial and limiting decisions about my life and I dedicate myself, imperfectly, to improving beliefs, thinking, and behaviors and calling up humble, loving feelings for myself.  Much of this has come in taking better care of my body and general health.  Along the way I have been able to genuinely help some others, giving me more loving feelings in general.

In the ongoing set of conclusions, having a multifaceted set of perspectives helps me to less judgmental conclusions and statements.  Looking at what I say based on observations before I say them – this takes a lot of mindfulness to do it effectively and I have sometimes gone to almost angry extremes to defend my stated perceptions about situations only to have to make amends for the behavior in stopping myself from doing it again and making things right in my best way possible.

Honesty it seems, ought to concern the truth and truth comes from knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt.  Reporting what happened, how I thought and felt seems like about all I can do regarding this.  Mostly, I strive to practice concise brevity as it gets too easy to slip into conjecture and verbose rhetoric.  In the utmost sense it looks like the less I believe about anything, the better as it leaves me more open to varied interpretations and perceptions which may have more objectivity.  If this seems self negating and contradictory, that will turn out a reader perspective.  I tend to characterize it more as a paradox like many other things human.

Everything-we-hear-is-an-opinion-not-a-fact.-Everything-we-see-is-a-perspective-not-the-truth.-Marcus-Aurelius

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

©2017MHumunculero

A THREE-FOLD FILTER

In my most existentialist beliefs, I learned to view my “self” (egoistic construct as coping mechanism?) in three relationships.

  1. my relationship to myself

  2. my relationship to others

  3. my relationship to God or divine source

All of this I had pondered as a teenager, who, having massive insecurities, questioned my consciousness and the illusion of existence.  Mahayana Buddhist philosophy seemed a way toward the inner peace of knowing I didn’t exist and nothing was real.  My job seemed about learning and practicing the eight-fold path, in the NOW.  Much of this awareness seemed to come from psychedelic experiences.  In short, the best trips involved the knowing and feeling of connectedness to the fundamental forces which unify the seeming ALL.  Later, in discovering the Eight circuits of consciousness in Leary’s model, it seemed I had bounced between the seventh and eighth circuits in the perceptions of in and out of body experiences, missing a much of the sixth circuit (metaprogramming).

The main divine connection felt like the motherlode of all, the feeling of complete connectedness which started physically and eventually got perceived as “pure” consciousness.  This perception and how it feels remains tangible and at once unfathomable and infinite beyond physical perception.  To label it otherwise seems like a blasphemy except for purposes of illumination.  It can take many forms which can work to model traits, actions and characteristics of various entities in the accomplishment of my purpose.  Finding purpose seemed the fundament, even though the “I” had little idea as such.

I acted in vain to define myself through others and my relations to them.  This reality tunnel mostly failed because I had little purpose and no realization of its presence or formation.  In this my ego gravitated to self-annihilation in a limited set.  This wound up in self-deprecation and self-loathing to the point of the desire to painlessly dissolve and disappear from this world.  This state proved painfully unrewarding.  It seemed like a denial of hedonism giving only frustration, shame, and depressions which seemed unending. Still trapped in the belief telling me intellectual understanding provided a solution and solace little progress occurred.

It must have happened via too much drug use in various combinations this thinking eventually said as the beliefs of parents, professionals and preachers worked as the predominant patterns.  Charismatic Christianity and the attendant nonsense served like a way out of the mess of all of it in my early twenties leaving only too much angst about life.  Finally, it gave way to some lesser materialist viewpoints of those around me and I once again took on the phony embrace of my perception of the American Dream.  My earlier pre-Christian views got submerged beneath the religiosity and my hypocritical practice of it.  Once again, more angst about life.

In my early and mid-thirties, it seemed apparent this way of living did not work well and my obligation to personal responsibilities slipped out the window.  Finally, at thirty-four years old a basic plan emerged.  Get away from the drugs and people who use drugs.  I did it and exchanged that addiction to the cult obeisance of the cult of Narcotics Anonymous.  This I embraced along with intellectual and contrived meditations of the Tao, seen and unseen.  The eight-fold path also got corresponded with the 12 Steps of NA, at first seemingly very open and accepting of other correspondences to the cult.  Fortunately, the most powerful tool in overcoming addiction – peer support worked to knock the malady down and got me to realize the self I had formed previously and presently.  I saw the folly of attempting to discover my “true self” and who I am or had been and the overblown significance in my belief system in those times.  After years of practice in those steps and living the lies of an apologist via tolerating believers, I knew I didn’t have a disease and the “program” as very toxic unless adapted to a more humane, less self-deprecating model.  I sought less and less peer approval in developing self-esteem and began to live my life as I saw fit with confidence.  It took about fifteen to twenty years to realize the program didn’t serve me and I didn’t need to count votes pro or con amongst peers who remained or left the “Program”.  In this a self-got realized and actualized.  I had an identity with less contrivance out of social, professional, and familial acceptability.  I had embarked on a more genuine relationship with myself with less ego traps.

Still, there seemed a great deal of selfishness so I consistently performed unselfish acts.  Some had ulterior motive in a caretaking sense, others out of duty to others, and others still for the joy of doing something unselfishly.

In the mid to late teens, I wanted to depend on others for my view of myself instead of using them as a reflection of my actions and attitude which I grew into later. It seemed to get out of control in my mid-twenties to early thirties due to self-delusions resulting in erroneous perception filters and erratic actions.  I took everything too personally, felt threatened constantly and used my words as poisoned munitions against myself and others – beliefs and behaviors which have taken many years to replace.  Today, still a work in progress.

I have much affection for many friends, family, and lovers.  I attempt to find out what makes them feel loved and if it doesn’t compromise my self-care, I give to them.  It gets a little tough when I engage with people who have behaviors which I tend to take personally so I strive to stay away from those situations and appreciate them at a safe distance.  In my drive to be loved by others, I must pay attention and determine if I am seeking reciprocation from the unwilling and willing yet incapable of it.  Most of my disappointments with others have origins in the latterly so constant vigilance with a minimum, if not devoid of self-judgement seem necessary.

From this value comes in taking care of me so I can serve others and myself in a realization of the all connectedness I feel when out of the self-created anxieties of daily life.

©2017mhumunculero

Nice eh?

It seemed so nice on this autumn day.  Like most things seemingly tragic or catastrophic, a great entropic moment would happen as so many had before.

So sad it felt to see so many with great opportunity in front of them cast them aside for emotional whimsy. To fabricate and exaggerate statements into lies and hurtful hate like a poison to destroy friendships.  Some friendships are stronger than deceitful and hurt based treachery.  Too many felonious behaviors come from these distortions and deletions of speech.  So much so they become value judgement generalizations which turn into the lies which attempt to destroy love.

The seeds for the compassion and kindness which nullifies the deep pain from which all these things ensue had been planted in the past by the thoughtful event planner.  Deviating the course of events before their onset had great result in the lesser determined future. 

Now, the bonds would change and there would occur nor persist fetters which hinder the growth of love and simple commitment.  Poisonous repeats of poison words would come back to curse the distorter and deletist via lack of a solution.  There would be no harm, no victim, only the responsible.  Those who repeat statements of malignment from the point of view of the black mirror, ignoring the white mirror assessment would find themselves burned by their instigations and prevarications…

The defenses would not be needed, nor would the attacks succeed.  The hypersensitivities would show themselves as insecurity and narcissism.  All attempts to divide would dissipate into more loyalty.

Faith or fate?

One more useless easy to discard noun:

 

faith

noun \ˈfāth\

: strong belief or trust in someone or something

: belief in the existence of God : strong religious feelings or beliefs

: a system of religious beliefs

plural faiths

\ˈfāths, sometimes ˈfāthz\

Full Definition of FAITH

1

a :  allegiance to duty or a person :  loyalty

b (1) :  fidelity to one’s promises (2) :  sincerity of intentions

2

a (1) :  belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) :  belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion

b (1) :  firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) :  complete trust

3

:  something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially:  a system of religious beliefs <the Protestant faith>

on faith

:  without question <took everything he said on faith>

 

Oh we must protest here!

Firstly, we have thrown out trust; baby, bathwater and all!

We can only go on a person’s reliability. When they give their word to do something, do they keep it and how consistently it happens.

Most atheists I have encountered-there have been hundreds-attempted God and religion to no avail. No amount of praying and openmindedness reveal a God who had their back. On a good day, some folks showed up to help and usually the person got their strategy together and succeeded. Other times no amount of faithful practice and belief resulted in a desired outcome…why? There IS NO GOD except the bullshit in your head.

Certainly there is no Judeo-Christian(lol, previously demonstrated as an erroneous term), Abrahamic God. No Jesus ever existed

( www.jesusneverexisted.com ).

Have no faith in the Lord, except below my belt line when I love you my dear. For he is the Lord of the night and pleasure and the true strength of the flesh!!!

The Lord of the Old and New Testaments is a mixed bag, really a mish mosh of Old Mesopotamian deities and Hellenistic and Egyptian dying gods. All a contrivance. Maybe good for some old fashioned hijacking of entity workings…most of which will not find its way into the minds of the muggles. All bullshit contrived for your paternal yearnings.

So much of this garbage is extolled by women, sometimes I think it’s their daddy complex and their wanting to be saved by someone. Oh my princess, await my coming to your rescue.

So let’s dispense with faith maybe except- b (1)fidelity to one’s promises (2) :  sincerity of intentions.

 

Enough written about this shit. And I mean no insult to shit, which does have good use sometimes.

 

fate

noun \ˈfāt\

: a power that is believed to control what happens in the future

: the things that will happen to a person or thing : the future that someone or something will have

This one gets me wondering…

The first one is kinda scary and may have some roots in faith, especially in a negative intent.

Maybe the second one has more plausibility?

Maybe it’s something to get experienced after the acceptance of faith and a God toilet of predestination?

Maybe it’s just another bullshit term best rooted in dismissal?

Certainly if we dismiss faith we may not consider our fates after the fact????

Blessings? Miracles, and Soul?

 

 

 

All of these seem to come from Christianity in this society. Even the New Age versions are mostly borrowed from this beast of erroneous beliefs with some crap thrown in from the Eastern philosophies.

Going to Merriam-Webster for blessing we find:

 

: approval that allows or helps you to do something

: help and approval from God

: something that helps you or brings happiness

Full Definition of BLESSING

1

a :  the act or words of one that blesses

b :  approval, encouragement

2

:  a thing conducive to happiness or welfare

3

:  grace said at a meal

The most favored context has to do with help and approval from God…once again, what God? What’s the mythology here? Usually it is the bastardized form of the YahWeh-Jesus myth mess. People seem to love to give credit for subjectively favorable events which happen to their version of the imaginary friend…Fuck. How much could you be out of touch with the fruits of your own efforts? Does it come down to the prevailing thought that you do “the footwork” and “God” is in charge of the results? So carrying this a step further, have you set an intention and pushed an enchantment with a definite set of results desired? So how does this mechanism work? Enchantment and/or Invocation/Prayer?

The “magical” apologists among the “live and let live” throng would like to include everyone in the general context it seems…Well, OK. It causes the wondering at effectiveness of results…do you suppose?

At one point, I began blessing myself in several ways by writing down things I had gratitude from. Then I began to count my “blessings”, devoid of a God form or Supreme Identity. This went further in me extending my best wishes…er, intentions toward others, regardless of their approval or opinion (Uh oh, was I going against their will for themselves?)

In the end, for the sake of clarity, I dropped my usage of the word for personal communication, using instead, words less abstracted and more to the point of actual intentions and event occurrences. When used the word usually evokes the Abrahamic God nonsense out of folks and I really like staying away from it and it’s semantic cesspool.

 

miracle

noun mir·a·cle \ˈmir-i-kəl\

: an unusual or wonderful event that is believed to be caused by the power of God

: a very amazing or unusual event, thing, or achievement

 

1

:  an extraordinary event manifesting divine intervention in human affairs

2

:  an extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or accomplishment

3

Christian Science :  a divinely natural phenomenon experienced humanly as the fulfillment of spiritual law

 

This word is another unnecessary embellishment adjective. Really there are no miracles. Perhaps there is an art to working wonders and that might get called thaumaturgy. The word is used primarily to give credit to the non-existent Christian “god” for anonymous or prayed for wonders. Occurrences which seemingly have a low probability. These things happen naturally and are usually explainable rationally or scientifically and when not, it’s just a matter of the lack of technology or science to explain them. All else is bullshit.

 

 

 

soul

[sohl]

  • Synonyms
  • Examples
  • Word Origin

noun

1.

the principle of life, feeling, thought, and action in humans, regarded as a distinct entity separate from the body, and commonly held to be separable in existence from the body; the spiritual part of humans as distinct from the physical part.

2.

the spiritual part of humans regarded in its moral aspect, or as believed to survive death and be subject to happiness or misery in a life to come:

arguing the immortality of the soul.

3.

the disembodied spirit of a deceased person:

He feared the soul of the deceased would haunt him.

4.

the emotional part of human nature; the seat of the feelings or sentiments.

5.

a human being; person.

6.

high-mindedness; noble warmth of feeling, spirit or courage, etc.

7.

the animating principle; the essential element or part of something.

 

This term is a tragic irrational. We have no soul as defined here. This doesn’t negate the occurrence of an information stream or consciousness artifact which has a remnant after our deaths. A stream or events which represented our footprint in these. However, we don’t scientifically have the technology as yet to identify and verify this. Thus, at this point all this is erroneous and a waste of time as a noun in language.

 

All the effort devoted to the nonsense of these three words gets wasted. It seems we’ll stay better off not using them and defining and identifying our happiness and live our lives and posit our attitudes with gratitude and love rather than attempting to get esoteric unnecessarily, especially when the words psoulless_emblem_by_akuseruchan-d45y37g.pngrimarily espouse one of the most deadly and destructive belief system viruses known to mankind.

Spirituality?

 

Spirituality?

 

Oi, I find I must consult various definitions:

 

Merriam-Webster:

: the quality or state of being concerned with religion or religious matters : the quality or state of being spiritual

Okay? Bizarre origins of the
world’s most recognized word. »

 

plural spir·i·tu·al·i·ties

Full Definition of SPIRITUALITY

1

:  something that in ecclesiastical law belongs to the church or to a cleric as such

2

:  clergy

3

:  sensitivity or attachment to religious values

4

:  the quality or state of being spiritual

See spirituality defined for English-language learners

 

Wikipedia:

 

There is no single, agreed-upon definition of spirituality.[1][2][note 1] Surveys of the definition of the term, as used in scholarly research, show a broad range of definitions, with very limited similitude.[3]

It may denote almost any kind of meaningful activity[4][note 2] or blissful experience.[6] It denotes a process of transformation, but in a context separate from organized religious institutions, termed “spiritual but not religious“.[7] In modern times the emphasis is on subjective experience.[8] Houtman and Aupers suggest that modern spirituality is a blend of humanistic psychology, mystical and esoteric traditions and eastern religions.[9]

And finally, something from a web page:

What Is Spirituality?

http://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/enhance-your-wellbeing/purpose/spirituality/what-spirituality

Spirituality is a broad concept with room for many perspectives. In general, it includes a sense of connection to something bigger than ourselves, and it typically involves a search for meaning in life. As such, it is a universal human experience—something that touches us all. People may describe a spiritual experience as sacred or transcendent or simply a deep sense of aliveness and interconnectedness…”
To me, this term is overused and too generalized to have any real meaning other than a trashy abstraction.

When I went to 12 Step meetings (23 years with great consistency) in the Narcotics Anonymous (NA) fellowship, the water of meaning got terrifically cultist MUDDY. Over the years I had some people tell me I was a very spiritual person and yet I was-in my last ten years there-an avowed atheist. I finally came out against the theistic nature of the “Steps” and their, in my experience and the experience of many I encountered who’d left “the Program”-great lack of efficacy. The only real results from them I got came from common sense rational thinking appearing like bits of corn in the shit members called literature…unfortunately, the dysfunctional inheritance of cult belief obtained from Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) make many view these writings as some form of scripture, inspired by “GOD”, a power greater than ourselves found in the steps which arrests addiction and heals addicts from their “shortcomings”. Commonality in these erroneous-for the most part-beliefs creates the sense of connectedness between addicts which makes some of them think a loving, caring God has something to do with this when actually it may really come from people and their sense of human values known, I think, in those circles as spiritual principles. However, the cultist obeisance enforced by self-deprecating beliefs rooted in the Calvinist style adherence to Original Sin which came from AA ruin any possibility of broad appeal on a rational, factual level.

On a larger scale we see the search for the meaning of life from the philosophical concept which posits that humans are born “good”. This has spawned numerous religiosities and New Age practices which have little value except, IMO, to break away from. The real value here comes from learning the ability to create one’s own meaning by splicing various techniques and practices from religious and “spiritual” regimens.

On a magical level, I find religions and “spiritualities” abhorrent when they breed a cultist mentality. This is not to negate the value of adopting a paradigm as such and finding full immersion in it to glean mastery of the useful techniques there for use in synthesis of the magical operator’s magical tool box.

I have found more value in a temporary full immersion in beliefs and techniques, using them to synthesize innovative, new paradigms to obtain results contributing to the overall purpose of the operator. In this sense, spirituality is just another set of religious paradigms which may or may not have any usefulness.

Belief in a God or Gods when concretized may create a blind adherence to unrealistic ideals and beliefs which may create problems in the world due to the abandonment of rational practical problem solving and solutions strategies.

Along these lines we find a preoccupation with the term “soul”. Once again, I think, is a set of nebulous interpretations having little use when abstracted into a consensus generalization for use in religions and cults.

On a good day we may, at some point, technology permitting, redefine and rename this to represent some seemingly immortal information stream or “ocean of consciousness” devoid of individual human egos. Perhaps there may occur an energy or information stream to which the ALL finds an ever-present interconnectedness. I have always liked the concept of KIA and the spark, the inherent life force, which may or may not be akin to Manna or the connectedness which seemingly is the cosmic glue holding it all together.

Then again all this may wind up abstractions in the limited views produced by human perceptions of “reality”.

 

More to come…

 

©2015MHumunculero