She does and can

She fucked me and I slept well.

Yes, she crawled in my bed with me after a couple of days of affection.  She lay next to me enjoying her sleep, having her rest.  And there in a presence of “maybe he’ll wake up and we’ll have a passionate three-day fuck and love fest”, I did wake up with a throbbing hurt.  It seemed so proud like a blurred vision for some and sharp for others of an ever-lengthening Priapus moment.  We celebrated each other. I knew her every inch, passionately in touch, smell and the vision and sounds of her writhing in ecstasy.

She had little use for my compassionate masculinity of well lived in BALLS.

She held tightly and kissed perfectly.  She grasped the explosions of my innermost fuckIloveyouandyouknowitastrue.

When she isolated and separated temporarily I got busy for my day like always.  It always worked in the end and at least served as a reminder about keeping on and moving forward no matter what.  In good faith, it didn’t work to take anything to do with her personally.  Both of us did what we thought we wanted to do almost regardless of consequences which got fewer and fewer in keeping our word to ourselves.  Yes, there occurred anger and consternation.  Yes, we argued at lower and lower volume. Yes, we planned better than make up sex.

I got to act like a force field around her vulnerability.  Just presence and appreciation makes it work.

It generates in parts from both of us.

She came through the field with creative action enthralling everyone in various ways.

 

 

 

©humunculero2017

Honesty and Dishonesty

The facts are in – almost everyone acts dishonest at least occasionally.

Seemingly most of it entails situations which don’t have much importance to the individual lying.

So those of us who think we practice complete honesty and transparency may find ourselves from time to time lying or engaging in something not quite transparent. 

The Matrix Experiment found most people will cheat to some extent

https://www.elsevier.com/editors-update/story/publishing-ethics/a-fascinating-experiment-into-measuring-dishonesty

 

“Over 40,000 people, from all walks of life, participated in The Matrix Experiments.

What did we find?

  • On average, people solved four problems but reported solving six.
  • Nearly 70% cheated.
  • Only 20 out of the 40,000 were “big cheaters”, people who claimed to have solved all 20 problems. They cost the experiment $400.
  • We also found more than 28,000 “little cheaters” who cost the experiment $50,000.”

One study has shown up to 60% of people lie

“The study, published in the journal’s June issue, found that 60 percent of people lied at least once during a 10-minute conversation and told an average of two to three lies.”

https://www.umass.edu/newsoffice/article/umass-amherst-researcher-finds-most-people-lie-everyday-conversation

Men and women lie for distinct reasons:

““Women were more likely to lie to make the person they were talking to feel good, while men lied most often to make themselves look better,” Feldman said.”

” “It’s tied in with self-esteem,” says University of Massachusetts psychologist Robert Feldman. “We find that as soon as people feel that their self-esteem is threatened, they immediately begin to lie at higher levels.”

https://www.livescience.com/772-lie.html

So possibly it boils down to self-esteem.  If our self-esteem gets mostly genuine and we practice impeccability with our words, thoughts and actions we might lie a little bit less.  In doing this it gets very helpful to realize while we aim for 100% honesty, the first step of this may come in remaining honest with ourselves and when we discern we have lied to ourselves, stop it at the level of belief and thought so the poison doesn’t flow well from our mouths.  This means non-judgement, positive or negative.  It also means we will do our best to practice feeling loving toward ourselves individually.

In my own life, this provided an opportunity to use honesty to improve my life.  In work, it meant telling the truth about products and services so customers could make their decision based on facts with little embellishment.  It also meant telling my friends and family the truth more consistently.  Mostly I found I had to say less.  I didn’t have to support anyone with false embellishments or unnecessary compliments as making someone feel better about themselves with a lie will sooner or later get discovered and my credibility with them would suffer and the relationship would weaken seriously.

I have looked at my beliefs about myself.  The teachings from parents as a child served as helpful contradictions.  My mother gave me statements about me being a special person with extraordinary talent and ability and my father told me I would never amount to anything unless I learned to work hard for everything and this would start with deprecating statements about my behavior.  I had a lot of shame to overcome and it’s not all gone.  This affords me the opportunity to work with it consistently.

A new belief which helped me had to do with first accepting I had ultimate worth on the eternal scale of value, this served me until the realization came regarding the nonexistence of self.  No self, no self-esteem needed.  This contradicted the pop psychology of its reverse theories.  In this model, all seems connected to doing and actions which come from beliefs, thought, and feelings.  Seemingly we a feedback cyclicity of thoughts producing feelings and behaviors feeding back on prevailing beliefs many of which wound up erroneous.  In changing the beliefs and stopping the limiting thoughts from guiding actions I had to do less to keep myself honest.  It also meant offering less up in unsolicited feedback, something which seemed to prevail in the “meetings” of the twelve-step cult I attended for a couple of decades.  One of the best actions I took had to do with getting away from it and the toxicity in words spoken there, when really the only thing which worked well came from the love in unspoken support.  Knowing I am loved and encouraged to love myself made me feel love for myself and others almost unconditionally.

Since moving on from there I have made beneficial and limiting decisions about my life and I dedicate myself, imperfectly, to improving beliefs, thinking, and behaviors and calling up humble, loving feelings for myself.  Much of this has come in taking better care of my body and general health.  Along the way I have been able to genuinely help some others, giving me more loving feelings in general.

In the ongoing set of conclusions, having a multifaceted set of perspectives helps me to less judgmental conclusions and statements.  Looking at what I say based on observations before I say them – this takes a lot of mindfulness to do it effectively and I have sometimes gone to almost angry extremes to defend my stated perceptions about situations only to have to make amends for the behavior in stopping myself from doing it again and making things right in my best way possible.

Honesty it seems, ought to concern the truth and truth comes from knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt.  Reporting what happened, how I thought and felt seems like about all I can do regarding this.  Mostly, I strive to practice concise brevity as it gets too easy to slip into conjecture and verbose rhetoric.  In the utmost sense it looks like the less I believe about anything, the better as it leaves me more open to varied interpretations and perceptions which may have more objectivity.  If this seems self negating and contradictory, that will turn out a reader perspective.  I tend to characterize it more as a paradox like many other things human.

Everything-we-hear-is-an-opinion-not-a-fact.-Everything-we-see-is-a-perspective-not-the-truth.-Marcus-Aurelius

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

©2017MHumunculero

recovery

recovery

[ri-kuhv-uh-ree] 

Spell Syllables

 

  1. the regaining of or possibility of regaining something lost or takenaway.

 

  1. restoration or return to health from sickness.

 

  1. restoration or return to any former and better state or condition.

 

When we discuss the term in terms of overcoming addiction we know the consensus definition in the majority of addiction “recovery” communities comes from the disease model:

  1. restoration or return to health from sickness.

When many discover addiction is not a disease this term gets erroneous. 

Most will apologize by taking on

  1. restoration or return to any former and better state or condition.

However, this is out of context.

When we return, or move forward to another state from those which occur in addiction it has to do with belief and behavioral modification after detoxification in the case of drugs/alcohol and moderation or abstinence in other behavioral variants like gambling, sex, food, and etc.  Each of which may require a peculiar first strategy.

In moving away from the highly unsuccessful 12 Step model – it’s not attractive to most who have a problem with addiction, mostly having to do with the religiosity involved and the cultist atmosphere in meetings along with the attendant brainwashing.  There are some out of the many who experience addiction whom have had success in overcoming addictions and went on to live productive happy lives.  Most of the data indicates people stop and change on their own without treatment or without a 12 Step program.

The numbers are too woefully small to give great kudos to the Stepper model.  It seems best described as working for some.

Moving beyond the latterly model (I used it for 23 years and found addiction a symptom of erroneous beliefs and traumatic imprints, leaving the value of twelve steps as a superficial fix instead of a complete renovation) I didn’t have a spiritual problem as there was no spirit involved except attitude and the relativism of terms as such had to get cast aside. I had a problem with self-loathing which a God could not change.  It made me want to check out of reality.  I woke up every day hating myself and life, basically staying busy, just to stay busy and getting loaded hoping to somehow make my life bearable.  I had successes more than failures and some very acute “bottoms”.  The reality seemed a chronic depression enhanced by drugs.

Rather than go through the many regimens I worked to get this out of me I can tell you it boiled down to assessing how well I had loved and respected myself and how I would improve it. 

I decided to love myself and my life and over time things changed and got better so if a lapse in my self-care occurred I learned to right myself at some point and experience greater improvement.  To this day, I am still improving not expecting perfection (another erroneous term IMO).

Key in these things, I believe, comes from making a decision and developing a plan to stop, moderate, change behavior and belief, and learn to love and appreciate life.  Practicing the cherishing of ourselves on a consistent, daily basis has given great benefits.  For me the biggest changes came when I decided my attitude had everything to do with my treatment of myself and others.  Not thinking the best or the worst – staying out of judgements of any kind and sticking with impeccable belief, thought, and action patterns and realizing mistakes will be made and new strategies can develop from them.  Productive strategies which give collectively beneficial results.

I have also seen the value of loving support from those who truly love us, no strings attached.  I also believe this has an integral part in conquering addiction and learning to live a life of self-love and appreciation inside an outside this bag of flesh, housing consciousness.

 

©2017mhumunculero

Faith or fate?

One more useless easy to discard noun:

 

faith

noun \ˈfāth\

: strong belief or trust in someone or something

: belief in the existence of God : strong religious feelings or beliefs

: a system of religious beliefs

plural faiths

\ˈfāths, sometimes ˈfāthz\

Full Definition of FAITH

1

a :  allegiance to duty or a person :  loyalty

b (1) :  fidelity to one’s promises (2) :  sincerity of intentions

2

a (1) :  belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) :  belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion

b (1) :  firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) :  complete trust

3

:  something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially:  a system of religious beliefs <the Protestant faith>

on faith

:  without question <took everything he said on faith>

 

Oh we must protest here!

Firstly, we have thrown out trust; baby, bathwater and all!

We can only go on a person’s reliability. When they give their word to do something, do they keep it and how consistently it happens.

Most atheists I have encountered-there have been hundreds-attempted God and religion to no avail. No amount of praying and openmindedness reveal a God who had their back. On a good day, some folks showed up to help and usually the person got their strategy together and succeeded. Other times no amount of faithful practice and belief resulted in a desired outcome…why? There IS NO GOD except the bullshit in your head.

Certainly there is no Judeo-Christian(lol, previously demonstrated as an erroneous term), Abrahamic God. No Jesus ever existed

( www.jesusneverexisted.com ).

Have no faith in the Lord, except below my belt line when I love you my dear. For he is the Lord of the night and pleasure and the true strength of the flesh!!!

The Lord of the Old and New Testaments is a mixed bag, really a mish mosh of Old Mesopotamian deities and Hellenistic and Egyptian dying gods. All a contrivance. Maybe good for some old fashioned hijacking of entity workings…most of which will not find its way into the minds of the muggles. All bullshit contrived for your paternal yearnings.

So much of this garbage is extolled by women, sometimes I think it’s their daddy complex and their wanting to be saved by someone. Oh my princess, await my coming to your rescue.

So let’s dispense with faith maybe except- b (1)fidelity to one’s promises (2) :  sincerity of intentions.

 

Enough written about this shit. And I mean no insult to shit, which does have good use sometimes.

 

fate

noun \ˈfāt\

: a power that is believed to control what happens in the future

: the things that will happen to a person or thing : the future that someone or something will have

This one gets me wondering…

The first one is kinda scary and may have some roots in faith, especially in a negative intent.

Maybe the second one has more plausibility?

Maybe it’s something to get experienced after the acceptance of faith and a God toilet of predestination?

Maybe it’s just another bullshit term best rooted in dismissal?

Certainly if we dismiss faith we may not consider our fates after the fact????

Spirituality?

 

Spirituality?

 

Oi, I find I must consult various definitions:

 

Merriam-Webster:

: the quality or state of being concerned with religion or religious matters : the quality or state of being spiritual

Okay? Bizarre origins of the
world’s most recognized word. »

 

plural spir·i·tu·al·i·ties

Full Definition of SPIRITUALITY

1

:  something that in ecclesiastical law belongs to the church or to a cleric as such

2

:  clergy

3

:  sensitivity or attachment to religious values

4

:  the quality or state of being spiritual

See spirituality defined for English-language learners

 

Wikipedia:

 

There is no single, agreed-upon definition of spirituality.[1][2][note 1] Surveys of the definition of the term, as used in scholarly research, show a broad range of definitions, with very limited similitude.[3]

It may denote almost any kind of meaningful activity[4][note 2] or blissful experience.[6] It denotes a process of transformation, but in a context separate from organized religious institutions, termed “spiritual but not religious“.[7] In modern times the emphasis is on subjective experience.[8] Houtman and Aupers suggest that modern spirituality is a blend of humanistic psychology, mystical and esoteric traditions and eastern religions.[9]

And finally, something from a web page:

What Is Spirituality?

http://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/enhance-your-wellbeing/purpose/spirituality/what-spirituality

Spirituality is a broad concept with room for many perspectives. In general, it includes a sense of connection to something bigger than ourselves, and it typically involves a search for meaning in life. As such, it is a universal human experience—something that touches us all. People may describe a spiritual experience as sacred or transcendent or simply a deep sense of aliveness and interconnectedness…”
To me, this term is overused and too generalized to have any real meaning other than a trashy abstraction.

When I went to 12 Step meetings (23 years with great consistency) in the Narcotics Anonymous (NA) fellowship, the water of meaning got terrifically cultist MUDDY. Over the years I had some people tell me I was a very spiritual person and yet I was-in my last ten years there-an avowed atheist. I finally came out against the theistic nature of the “Steps” and their, in my experience and the experience of many I encountered who’d left “the Program”-great lack of efficacy. The only real results from them I got came from common sense rational thinking appearing like bits of corn in the shit members called literature…unfortunately, the dysfunctional inheritance of cult belief obtained from Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) make many view these writings as some form of scripture, inspired by “GOD”, a power greater than ourselves found in the steps which arrests addiction and heals addicts from their “shortcomings”. Commonality in these erroneous-for the most part-beliefs creates the sense of connectedness between addicts which makes some of them think a loving, caring God has something to do with this when actually it may really come from people and their sense of human values known, I think, in those circles as spiritual principles. However, the cultist obeisance enforced by self-deprecating beliefs rooted in the Calvinist style adherence to Original Sin which came from AA ruin any possibility of broad appeal on a rational, factual level.

On a larger scale we see the search for the meaning of life from the philosophical concept which posits that humans are born “good”. This has spawned numerous religiosities and New Age practices which have little value except, IMO, to break away from. The real value here comes from learning the ability to create one’s own meaning by splicing various techniques and practices from religious and “spiritual” regimens.

On a magical level, I find religions and “spiritualities” abhorrent when they breed a cultist mentality. This is not to negate the value of adopting a paradigm as such and finding full immersion in it to glean mastery of the useful techniques there for use in synthesis of the magical operator’s magical tool box.

I have found more value in a temporary full immersion in beliefs and techniques, using them to synthesize innovative, new paradigms to obtain results contributing to the overall purpose of the operator. In this sense, spirituality is just another set of religious paradigms which may or may not have any usefulness.

Belief in a God or Gods when concretized may create a blind adherence to unrealistic ideals and beliefs which may create problems in the world due to the abandonment of rational practical problem solving and solutions strategies.

Along these lines we find a preoccupation with the term “soul”. Once again, I think, is a set of nebulous interpretations having little use when abstracted into a consensus generalization for use in religions and cults.

On a good day we may, at some point, technology permitting, redefine and rename this to represent some seemingly immortal information stream or “ocean of consciousness” devoid of individual human egos. Perhaps there may occur an energy or information stream to which the ALL finds an ever-present interconnectedness. I have always liked the concept of KIA and the spark, the inherent life force, which may or may not be akin to Manna or the connectedness which seemingly is the cosmic glue holding it all together.

Then again all this may wind up abstractions in the limited views produced by human perceptions of “reality”.

 

More to come…

 

©2015MHumunculero

Recover from recovery-a real strategy

Rather than therapy(which can help if result oriented, as process oriented is not so effective, is too costly, and takes too long), 12 Step Programs, and of course religion and spirituality.  Here comes a new strategy based on my own habit breaking techniques and those gleaned from others…

This is a basic treatise on this…I may cover each in depth in further blogs…

1.  Garner complete self acceptance without judgment.

this may seem overwhelming for those believing they have little self worth and lots of self deprecation.  A good technique can have great effect by writing down this problem and how you would advise yourself to get out of it.  Myriad ways that work are easily accessible in free books and on the internet.  Another useful technique is to find friends, associates, and family who care for you and have them tell you your positive character traits while you write them down…you can now make a list of these, stare into the mirror before bed and prefix each with the short phrase-I am-saying them out loud while staring deeply into your eyes…prefix these with the vocalized affirmation…I now completely accept myself without judgment…after this write down how this will cause you to change into a person loving oneself unconditionally

2.  Admit you have a harmful habit-look into it, explore it, write about how this has affected you and what your life will be like without it.

Very important: write out how you will break the habit love yourself and manage your affairs…

3.  Find people who will support you without judgment who will listen to you and only give you feedback when you ask for it.

REMEMBER AVOIDING TAKING ANYTHING PERSONALLY FROM ANYONE AND REALIZE THIS IS ABOUT THEM AND NOT YOU

4.  Learn a form of mindfulness meditation, exercise moderately, adjust to a healthy, toxic free diet—do this in ways that fit and produce beneficial results.

5.  Develop a completely new lifestyle away from the addiction supporting lifestyle. 

Write down what the old life was like and how your new life will reflect new beliefs, behaviors, thinking patterns, and a supportive environment.  Walk through this in the future from successful behaviors yourself or even others you identify with have used to make great success in this, even when you practiced the old addiction habit.  In practice of the new beliefs and behaviors give ourselves kudos and accolades whenever we have made progress…take stock of the progress and add to it in developing more productive future outcomes.

REMEMBER YOUR HAPPINESS AS A STATE…CALL UP THAT STATE NOW…INCREASE IT…STEP BACK OUT OF IT…STEP BACK IN INCREASE THE STATE AND ANCHOR IT WITH A GESTURE OR A VISUALIZATION ON THE WAY TO ITS ZENITH…REPEAT SEVERAL TIMES.  STEP OUT DO SOMETHING UNRELATED AND MAKE THE GESTURE…TEST AGAIN AND AGAIN REPEAT THE ABOVE STEP UNTIL YOU CAN BE HAPPY ANYTIME YOU DESIRE…

More on this shit later…

Water drops on green leaf
Water drops on green leaf